#1
Dunno where this should go but I'm going to put it here. I should also say that I live with my grandparents. Mods, please move it if you think it's in the wrong place.

Anyway, until recently I was at uni, and whilst I was there I played bass in three different bands, two worship bands and a small jam band of my own. My grandparents seemed to think that my being in a band was pretty cool and didn't SEEM to have too much issue with it.

I couldn't afford to stay in Newcastle and so had to leave my bands and return home to just outside of Sunderland, some 20 miles from Newcastle and too far for me to justify travelling to keep going to these bands.

So now I'm back home and things are radically different. The very mention of my bass or anything to with gigs turns into a screaming match or a huge argument about how I'm 'wasting my time' and 'it's no wonder you've got no money' and other stuff like it. I'm even now too scared to practise in the house.

Now the issue to me is this: my grandparents support any of my worship stuff, yet when I want to play in a gigging band, which is really what I wanted to do in the first place, it's a different matter. it just seems they're only interested when it's something they want and it's becoming VERY boring and I'm coming pretty close to just saying 'funk it, I quit music'. Which is NOT what I want to do.


TL;DR- grandparents hate my gigging aspirations, support my worship music. What should I do?

So, any idea on how I can deal with this reasonably and sensibly? I can't move out to my own place because of the money and I also can't rent a band practise room for the same reason.
#2
Let's see, you were born in 1988. That makes you around 22.

Move out and get your own place.

Edit: Sorry. Get a job, save money, then move out and get your own place.
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#3
Quote by AlanHB
Let's see, you were born in 1988. That makes you around 22.

Move out and get your own place.



Rent around here is something like $130 a week. I have $80 a week in UE benefit to pay for everything I need including food, travel and bills.
#5
You could always try to talk to them about how much it means to you and how you need their support on this? Otherwise just try to get more money and move out?
#6
get a job but i dont mean that in a mean way. im just saying an extra $100 a week from 1 or 2 shifts goes a long way

but yeah also, practice acoustically in your room. explain to your grand parents that you know a gigging band isnt financially stable which is why you are going to uni as well. its just a hobby. even if its not. tell them that. or explain to them that there are hundreds of bands that make good money playing worship gigs and stuff. iono.

in the end, dont back down man. its what you want to do. not them
#7
Maybe join (or start) a gigging band that plays Christian (I'm assuming?) music. Your grandparents would like the direction of the band, and you would be able to play music in the style you want.
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#9
Play with headphones, get a job, sell your body on the street to afford a jam space. any of these are viable options that you easily could have come up with on your own.

and your grandparents sound like hypocritical people whose opinions should be ignored if they're cool with your worship crap but not just playing.

and jesus christ, enough with these freaking sob story threads where all you're trying to do is get people to say "yeah! you go fassa!" and tell you you're in the right to boost your self-esteem or some shit (though this time I'd say you are)
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#10
And btw, I am UG's number 1 Rush fan. haha
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#11
Thanks guys!

Quote by Jasonbts
Maybe join (or start) a gigging band that plays Christian (I'm assuming?) music. Your grandparents would like the direction of the band, and you would be able to play music in the style you want.


Strangely, I absolutely HATE doing the Skillet-Flyleaf type rock stuff when it comes to worship stuff.

I ideally want to be able to have worship music in one hand and on the other, have something different for gigs.
#13
Quote by NakedBassist
Play with headphones, get a job, sell your body on the street to afford a jam space. any of these are viable options that you easily could have come up with on your own.


My sole amp doesn't have a headphone slot for starters, and I've got morals. If I can't afford a band practice room through legit means, I'm not gonna do it.

As for getting a job, what do you think I'm trying to funkin' do?!


and your grandparents sound like hypocritical people whose opinions should be ignored if they're cool with your worship crap but not just playing.


I wish it were that funking easy but it's not. And I'm ideally looking for an option which doesn't make me look like a complete brat.


and jesus christ, enough with these freaking sob story threads where all you're trying to do is get people to say "yeah! you go fassa!" and tell you you're in the right to boost your self-esteem or some shit (though this time I'd say you are)


Look, this is very real and very serious. I'm not just making threads for the flipping fun of it.

If you're going to troll, at least be a good troll.
#14
Quote by Zeletros
Sorry for offtopic, what is a worship band? Christian metal/rock or something?



When I say worship band, I mean a band who plays the songs at church services each morning and evening.

My last one was two guitars, piano, bass and drums.
#15
Quote by NakedBassist
and jesus christ, enough with these freaking sob story threads where all you're trying to do is get people to say "yeah! you go fassa!" and tell you you're in the right to boost your self-esteem or some shit (though this time I'd say you are)


Go back to The Pit.

Is the worship band a paying gig in any way? If not, make it so. Start making money with it, if you can. That way, your grandparents won't harass you for playing in a band, but at the same time, you can do what you love.
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#16
Quote by Black Star
Go back to The Pit.

Is the worship band a paying gig in any way? If not, make it so. Start making money with it, if you can. That way, your grandparents won't harass you for playing in a band, but at the same time, you can do what you love.


It's not, but we get small amounts of money for playing away trips and stuff.

Thing is that few British churches with the exception of London's Hillsong church and some of the really big ones that actually pay their musicians. Church organists often get paid, but they're usually grade 8 and full-time musicians too.

Plus, for paid worship bands, the actual standard you need to be to get into these bands is ridiculous, and it's a full-time thing. That's what they do for a living.

I dunno, I would feel wrong being paid to play something that is a foundational part of my religious belief and I don't think I would WANT to be a full-time musician either.
#17
Quote by Fassa Albrecht

I don't think I would WANT to be a full-time musician either.


Tell them that?
You want one outlet with your worship band, another with more contermporary music and another ption in life (full time job, degree, career etc) that isn't being a full time musician. Maybe they'll understand that.


Also get a job man, I know its a recession etc etc, but its not that difficult, even if its jsut something to pay the bills like working at a call centre/McDonalds etc.
#18
Quote by Puppet_616
Tell them that?
You want one outlet with your worship band, another with more contermporary music and another ption in life (full time job, degree, career etc) that isn't being a full time musician. Maybe they'll understand that.


Also get a job man, I know its a recession etc etc, but its not that difficult, even if its jsut something to pay the bills like working at a call centre/McDonalds etc.



I played in all these bands WHILST studying for a degree. And I DID explain to them why I was doing it, but they just shut off at the mention of gigs.

As for the job sit, applied everywhere. No luck yet.
#19
I think the sole answer to this is to find/look for a job and if they still complain about it being unstable or whatever...just tell them you're looking for a job/have a job and they can't complain.

And about practicing, it's not against any kind of morals to play bass with no amp...at all, you don't need to hire band practice space just to practice your bass.
Yeah sure if you were trying to sneak your band into their house and practice without permission, that's a bit immoral, but nothing wrong with practicing on your own.
#20
being that the're grand parents they probaly think the beatles are the devil lol. So they must hate whatever you're playing. So anyway if you think you're good enough to get signed at stuff then go ahead get a job move out and keep practicing. Going out to do what you want in life is what separates people that hate their jobs and don't. Just make sure your prepared and know you can get signed
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#22
Quote by Mr_Wizard
being that the're grand parents they probaly think the beatles are the devil lol. So they must hate whatever you're playing. So anyway if you think you're good enough to get signed at stuff then go ahead get a job move out and keep practicing. Going out to do what you want in life is what separates people that hate their jobs and don't. Just make sure your prepared and know you can get signed



If you can tell us how to 'know you can get signed' I'm sure everyone would appreciate it. Hell, you'd make a fortune writing a book on the subject.
#23
Quote by Mr_Wizard
being that the're grand parents they probaly think the beatles are the devil lol. So they must hate whatever you're playing. So anyway if you think you're good enough to get signed at stuff then go ahead get a job move out and keep practicing. Going out to do what you want in life is what separates people that hate their jobs and don't. Just make sure your prepared and know you can get signed


The obvious problem is that you have to sell your soul to the devil to get signed so you're basically screwed.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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#24
Don't take this the wrong way, but what is up with this generation??? I noticed something similar in my bass player who is younger than me.

Man up! Perhaps is an age gap thing but I come from the Gen X brigade and back then we werent all wosses. Slackers sure but we didnt pander around like this. Alan has given great advice. A job. It gets you more cash, then rent. Feck it any flea ridden dump will do as long as its cheap and gets you nearer the music. Its what we used to do. And grow a pair. Your in your 20's and an adult not a little kid. How you spend your free time is your business. Tell your grandparents straight. I mean its playing in a band not committing heinous crimes. Sorry if this all sounds harsh but dude seriously....
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#25
Quote by Mithaearon
Don't take this the wrong way, but what is up with this generation??? I noticed something similar in my bass player who is younger than me.


Remember, your generation taught us everything we know

Anyhow, get a job Fassa, stop living with your grandparents.
#26
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
Remember, your generation taught us everything we know


Damn us and our gen x slacker ways!!!!
-Mithaearon-
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."
#28
This ain't a bandleading issue, this is a personal thing and no amount of advice on an internet forum can truly help.

Looks like you need to move out, amirite?
#29
Quote by Mithaearon
Don't take this the wrong way, but what is up with this generation??? I noticed something similar in my bass player who is younger than me.

Man up! Perhaps is an age gap thing but I come from the Gen X brigade and back then we werent all wosses. Slackers sure but we didnt pander around like this. Alan has given great advice. A job. It gets you more cash, then rent. Feck it any flea ridden dump will do as long as its cheap and gets you nearer the music. Its what we used to do. And grow a pair. Your in your 20's and an adult not a little kid. How you spend your free time is your business. Tell your grandparents straight. I mean its playing in a band not committing heinous crimes. Sorry if this all sounds harsh but dude seriously....



People keep telling me 'get a job' but if it were that funking simple, I wouldn't be in this mess. The economy in this country, especially in my area, is in the toilet. Jobs weren't easy to come by in the first place and the recession only made it worse.

I'm looking for a job at the moment but until I do, I'm stuck here. And I can't take beingn forced to practice at 3am in the garage until then, or not being able to pay for studio time and do recordings.

Also, on the 'grow a pair' bit- my grandparents are pretty controlling, and anything that upsets them usually ends up in an explosive row which leaves no-one the winner and everyone in a bad mood.

I also hope you realise that a basic one-bed flat in this area is some $700ish dollars a month. Even with a decently paying job, this is gonna be a push, never mind the usual crappy jobs that graduates at the moment are usually doing. And yes, that is for a VERY basic two-roomed flat in the middle of nowhere.
#30
Quote by Fassa Albrecht

I also hope you realise that a basic one-bed flat in this area is some $700ish dollars a month.


One bedroom flats are the most expensive type of accommodation in terms of value for money. That's why students live in shared houses.

As for the economy, the whole world is going through that.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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#31
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
Rent around here is something like $130 a week. I have $80 a week in UE benefit to pay for everything I need including food, travel and bills.


serious?
I live in durham (not so far from newcastle) and i have found houses which rent for ~£40 a week...

Are you a student at the moment or can you work?
EDIT: i know a few bar jobs round durham, i guess they'd be not too hard to sort in newcastle where there are more bars.
EDIT2: you don't need to be amped to practice bass, you can hear enough by just playing it unplugged, if you really need to hear more lean the headstock on your desk. the resonance is enough to play with without pissing off people in your house, i'm a student too and this was the only way i could practice living in halls with paper thin walls.
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Last edited by doive at Jul 26, 2010,
#32
you are 22 years old. Stop logging into internet forums and asking people who are probably younger than you anyway what you should do about your grandparents not letting you play bass.

If you're "trying" to get a job, and still don't have one, you're not trying hard enough. There is plenty of money out there for a guy who is willing to work for it.

No one here is going to be able to help you, you are the only one. So get off the computer and do something about it. Jeez.
#33
I live in Newcastle. I take it your christian worship stuff is based in Newcastle's NCLC? Or is that me assuming things?
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#34
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
I'm looking for a job at the moment but until I do, I'm stuck here. And I can't take beingn forced to practice at 3am in the garage until then, or not being able to pay for studio time and do recordings.


You've kindof been answering your own question all the way through the thread - you know what you need to do, people are telling you what you need to do etc. - you're just fucked until you can move out. It sounds like absolute shit living there, but you've said you can't go anywhere else until you get enough money to, so...you're either going to have to endure it until you get money or go live on the streets.

Surely? I'm not missing anything? Because to me it looks simple. ****ing awful, but simple.
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#35
I'm sorry, I really don't understand what's up with your grandparents. Why is it a big deal that you play and instrument / play in a group? Why would they really care, and does it stop them from living a normal life knowing that you have an interest in music?
#36
I'm probably as old as your grandparents and I suspect you are misreading the situation.

You've come back from uni and you haven't got a job and don't seem to have any prospect of one. My wife's family come from Seaham so I know that you don't live in a great place for employment. You didn't say if you graduated.

I suspect this is the problem. They see an adult (thats you) who could be living with them forever who's ambitions seem to be a pipe dream about music. They want to see you settled and successful and probably a bit of freedom for themselves. They are probably worried sick about your prospects and don't know what to do. I doubt that the Bass is the real problem.

You seem like a nice guy who wants to do well by your grandparents which probably does mean sorting your life out and moving forwards. It won't do you any harm either.

good luck
#37
hey, i never had grandparents. so i can't say for sure. but at 22 you can surely just go and do shit like play a gig or whatever. you're buying into the argument by discussing it with them in the first place. it takes 2 to argue.