#1
Hey, all. I Wrote this song for a friend/girlfriend/person (no idea how to describe them, except from the fact I loved them.)

Anyway, they just randomly vanished one day and never came back, I just felt it was a cruel and heartless thing never to say goodbye to me, but oh well. Took me three years to get over the fact that she did that. Never mind eh?

Look at the black night
you once where there.
an angel in darkness
something about you was heartless
You dissapeared. Where did you go?
wondering what happened but you never showed.
Time is a healer or so they say.
That wasn't what happened. Back in the day.

Days and nights have passed by.
the question I ask now is why
is it an echo of mystery
but now all the rest is history
standing alone in the middle
will there be an answer to this riddle?
that's the last time I go dancing in the dark.
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
Last edited by Fisheth24 at Jul 22, 2010,
#2
I don't know what sound you've got planned for this, but if you write a few more verses/chorus (if thats not already in there), I can definately hear it being somewhat like Death Cab For Cutie.

The very last line "that's the last time I go dancing in the dark." I absolutely love it. I can't put my finger on what it is about it, I just want you to record this. Like now. ♥
#3
Why, thank you man. It isn't finished yet. but It will be. I promise. I Wrote this just now though


The words I knew are so long ago
history tells me that I Should go
find another lost in the night
should I run to find a new light?
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
#4
I'd suggest you re-do the title of the thread so the mods don't jump on you for it, since they did for me. Make it like...a title of the song or "untitled". But on to the lyrics.

I enjoy it BUT, I don't like the "That wasn't what happened. Back in the day. "
The "back in the day" really ruins the atmosphere in my opinion, it just doesn't fit with it, but if you like it, keep it.

You also don't need every line to rhyme, it's a misconception to making something sound good, rhyming is always beneficial, but, don't force something to rhyme, because it'll probably just sound bad. Though this is a good start, and it has potential.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt since I'm a newbie with lyrics and songwriting too. :P

Mind taking a gander at mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24771156#post24771156

(I have it recorded in my profile too, though it's a rough draft and my vocals aren't the best)
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#5
I really like it!

Like Matt said, the "Back in the day" part just doesn't seem to fit. If you don't mind slant rhyming a little, ( And If you're open to suggestions...) you could change it to,
"Time is a healer or so they say.
That wasn't what happened, to me."
You'd have to pronounce it more as "may" instead of "me"


And to Matt, I just listened to the song on your profile, it sounds beautiful.
#6
Wow. The ape. Thanks for the advice. I'm still working on it, any idea's what directions I could go in?
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100