#1
I've been hard at work on a new song recently! I like it a lot, but I want to know what you guys think.

Basically, as it turned out, it's pretty much a cluster**** of all the different styles I know how to write for. I didn't intend for it to be that way, it just is. Keep in mind, at 5:44 (or however long it is) I just barely got into the second half (at least if I have it my way). Yes, it is a WIP, so don't comment on the ending.

How does it flow? The transition at bar 118 is exactly how I want it though.

Does the melody transfer over well into the different parts? How is the melody?

Where do you think I should go next? I kind of have an idea, but I want to hear what ya'll have to say.

And anything else you'd like to comment on :]

NO RSE! MIDI ONLY. HEADPHONES IF POSSIBLE.

Enjoy!

C4C. The more you put, the more I put.
Attachments:
Pleasant Memories Redefined (Ver. 1 - Incomplete).zip
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Jul 22, 2010,
#2
Il check it out using Guitar Pro "6" and give you feedback. Don't worry. I love all types of music and almost anything so yeah xD

Reply After Listening:

Its certainly quite a mix up 0.0. I quite like the tone you put on the first bars. The song does get quite mysterious but some parts just don't seem to go well. But it's ok.
Last edited by zakarai at Jul 22, 2010,
#3
sorry it took so long for me to return my crit but here we go.

Fade-in intro was cool, loved the slight harmonic flavor it had to it. Bass riff was a nice contrast to the clean guitar part, excellent work there. Enter weirdness at bar 25 haha. The main thing that bothered me here were the drums. I think it would've been better if you had an actual groove going where the snare was on all 3's (half-time beat). The only reason I really say this is just because everything else is so odd, I think you should have one somewhat normal part to balance things out, just a thought That said, the rest of this part was crafted very well, with all the layering and whatnot.

Melodic interlude was awesome, reminded me of the faceless somewhat. I was a little let down at bar 49 though, it's totally not what I expected at all. I think you should continue that melody and bring in a heavy groove behind it and then transfer into the "good" part.
The good part was absolutely awesome but it feels way too underdeveloped. You should continue it and slowly evolve into the electronic break at bar 65, because now it just sounds like you threw in that riff randomly.

The electronic part was really cool, I liked how you brought back the guitar melody at bar 73. The bridge was good also, liked the whole tone flavor you mixed in there. Transferred well into the chorus. I really liked the rhodes piano part there. Little break at bar 91 was a nice change of pace and transferred into the 5/4 part nicely. 5/4 part was excellent, good chords, cool drum fills, nothing bad to say here.

Symphonic kinda part at bar 98 was cool, nice and melodic, a good contrast to the weirdness from earlier. I feel like the 11/8 measure was a little pointless though, it feels like it's just there to b there and really doesn't add anything to the music. Solo was ok, it would've been better if it were a little longer with some more interesting phrasing imo. It transitioned nicely into chorus 2 though.

I feel like th transition into the ambient part at bar 126 is way too abrubt, but for some reason I reall like for some reason that I can't explain. Cool drums at bar 134, and I really like the bass and rhodes that some in at bar 138, it really gives it a scale the summit sort of vibe, which is totally awesome. The little break at bar 146 was way too soon though, you should have repeated the part for another 8 measures (with some subtle lead work maybe?) and then go into that break.

Ambient part at bar 154, but there were a few off-key notes that really bothered me. With such a pretty chord progression, I feel like off-key weirdness should really jus be avoided, but that's just me, otherwise it was great, and it transitioned well into the part at bar 178, which was awesome as well.

Overall, it's a pretty good start, but it still needs a lot of work. The main issue I had with it was that there were so many different parts and none of them really had a chance to develop before another riff came barging in. I think you have enough material here for the whole song, it's just a matter of rearranging stuff, and making little transition riffs so that more parts flow together. Right now it feels more like a collection of riffs, where some fit together and others are just totally random. Sorry if this seemed a little harsh at all, jsut trying to help you improve
#4
Starting from the beginning (always a good place to start in my opinion) the fade in intro is very cool. The melody that comes in at Bar 25 is great, but I would love to hear it alone with the intro guitar accompaniment. I feel the riff underneath it is somewhat distracting. Personally I'd like to hear the melody with the intro guitars and then that riff afterwards.

The "Good" part is aptly named. My favourite part is the bass, great stuff. The DNB part is also very cool, I especially like how you've repeated the melody, although somewhat different. The drums in bar 126 sound way out of place, and I think that part would work just fine with guitar and bass alone. The next ambient part is great though.

The chorus is great, nothing to complain about. The Rhodes piano part is especially cool. Going into the next part, I also feel that the 11/8 part in Bar 99 is unnecessary. I think it would work much better keeping in in 4/4.

The solo is a good idea, but it's quickly forgettable. The B note in bar 112 sounds like it wants to resolve higher, so the solo essentially feels unfinished. It could probably be improved by resolving it to a higher note, or using it to continue the solo.

Like Zak I feel the transition into the first ambient part is abrupt. The drums in 126 sound way out of place. I feel the part can do just fine with guitar and bass alone. The rest of the song after that is great, no complaints.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1342066
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
09/03/2012
#5
Right well this is my crit

It started brilliantly, very good use of dissonance, gave it a slightly intriguing atmospheric feel. The melody at bar 25 continued that feel, although the distorted guitar bit was sort of all over the place, not adding too much. I guess in djent that's the norm, but I think it's possible that riff was taking away something here. I don't know what you're going for, but it sounds like the clean melody is underneath the distorted guitar part, when it's clearly the best part about this section. I'd make it stick out a bit more.

The melodic interlude was great (although part of that might be my brain going "A DELAY EFFECT, IN MIDI, WHAT A NOVELTY"), and the "good" part was brilliant. It was also all over the place in a djenty way, but done very well. I loved what the bass was doing.

The DnB bit was an odd choice, but it works. I like that you had a variation on that earlier melody, too much metal will just throw a riff out and forget it exists. The bridge was a very effective buildup, and the chorus is quite good - I'm assuming some vocals will go over that, although it is quite good on its own.

I enjoyed the dissonance at bar 86, and loved the little orchestral flourish halfway through bar 101. This section seems like slightly more standard prog, which is good, but IMO not quite as interesting as the earlier parts.

The ambient section felt like it was building up to something, and it would have been a very effective buildup, I don't know why you stopped half way through to play some pads. In fact it sounds great if you delete that bit and just go from bar 137 to Ambient 1'. The next ambient bit was brilliant though - Ambient 1'. I loved the more free flowing melody. And I liked the chords in the "begin coming back" bit.

I don't know what direction you're planning to take it in, but personally I'd keep building it up, repeat the "begin coming back" bit with a big string ensemble melody over the top. That's just my instinct though.

Overall a brilliant piece of music, I really enjoyed listening to it, the unpredictable progginess made it very interesting and fun to listen to, and it had a great atmosphere going throughout it. 9/10.

Crit for crit? It's in my sig, or on the first page of the tab forum. It's called "Dream Sequence/The Age of the Id".
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
Last edited by whalepudding at Jul 25, 2010,
#6
Hello.

Another very impressive composition that I have the privilege to listen here.

Much that I wished to comment on has already been said here before. I agree with the previous commentator, that the intro bit where the band enters is perhaps too dissonant and overshadows the very decent melody underneath.

What follows on from there is a wonderful complex and unpredictable soundscape, which flows well. I love the chorus. Though the section after that is perhaps not as necessary? Perhaps a reprise of some previous theme would work better in a structural sense, before returning to the chorus.

The segue from the chorus to "ambient" is certainly as it should be, however, agreed there. This is probably my favorite part from the piece. A wonderful bass melody.

As for your question of where to go on. I think a reprise of the intro theme on the blues guitar sound is in order. And then see where it takes you this time?
Hark! Is that a mellotron I hear?
#7
Thanks for the crits guys! I'll get back to yours soon Alter-Bridge.

@Zak: I took your suggestion of putting the snare on every 3 in the beginning and you're right... it does add a bit to it. Gives it a bit more groove. With "Good" I intend on expanding on it later, but I figure I'd introduce it early and get it in the listeners mind. I'll see what I can do about that 11/8 bar... no one seems to like it haha. About the ambient part... could you tell me which notes sound off-key to you..? I can't really hear them.

@Alter: To make the guitars less distracting, I lowered their volumes. Same with the drums in the ambient section. I couldn't take either out though, cause those parts rely on them to fill in space. Thanks for the suggestion though!

@Whale: I took out the pads in "Ambient" and it still sounds good..! Thanks for that haha. And, due to the miracle of better mixing, I got the guitars in the intro to work better as a backing. Thanks!

@Yachar: Are you talking about the power metal part being a bit unnecessary? Maybe... but I like it and it makes the song work Thank you for the crit... anything you'd like me to look at?
#8
Quote by DiminishedFifth


@Yachar: Are you talking about the power metal part being a bit unnecessary? Maybe... but I like it and it makes the song work Thank you for the crit... anything you'd like me to look at?


It is ofc your choice. But a reprise disguised in there would be cool, I think


(And yeah, sure, if you want then you can check out the only topic I've made so far (here in the Tabs & Chords subforum) - a very short and sketchy thingy there waiting opinions... https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1344326)
Hark! Is that a mellotron I hear?
Last edited by Yachar at Jul 30, 2010,
#10
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, kinda forgot about this! but hey, its a bump at least.

okay, very atmospheric intro. I'm not too sure if I like the drums or not, they almost seem too aggressive for the riff. They work great once the dist. guitar comes in, but its a little iffy at first. Also, I'm not too big on some of the off notes the bass is playing. I can understand giving the bassist something interesting to compliment the sound, but it more takes over, in a bad way I find.

interlude is awesome, I love the pulsing rhodes in the background. the next riff is also awesome, and the bass works more to compliment than take over I find. The DnB section is greatm but it literally comes out of NOWHERE. this entire song is like, genres pasted onto other genres hahaha. I like it though.

Chorus is nifty, and definitely works to be memorable without being generic. kudos. Piano section is random, but I'm used to it by now Good use of 5/4 afterwards, its my favorite odd time sig.

Once the distortion guitars come in, it goes onto a whole other level of epic. once again, it doesn't fall into generic conventions, as you mix enough of the djent style to keep it interesting. good segue into the solo + chorus again.

ambience! another good use of odd meter. the drums, on second listen, work a lot better than I thought at first. I was never a fan of those really chaotic drums in soft parts that djent bands seem to love anyways. And I'm torn on the bass again. It's neat, but maybe you could play with the runs it plays to make it more... consonant? its the wrong word, but its hard to describe what I mean.

The ending had good riffs, but IMO felt average... oh its WIP. makes more sense hahaha

personally, since this entire song has been really melodic dissonance (like those phc songs on this website) or ambient/electronic interludes, I think the next part should have a quick transition and go into a heavy-as-fuck groove riff. maybe a polymeter? if you don't want it to be too simple I just think it would be a nice break, and you have six other genres anyways.


My experience in djent is limited (A bit of tesseract and meshuggah, and I bought Periphery's debut) but this is definitely a solid piece. I liked it a lot more than my review let on; it reads kinda harsh looking back.

I'd 7.5/10, if you like numbers. it needs touching up to be a song I would put on repeat on the iPod, IMO.

thanks for the crit BTW!
has a terrible signature.
#11
Intro was odd, but cool. Once the band joined in, it gained more intensity, and the entire thing was creepy in retrospect.

"Good" was a nice part, really liked that and the section immediately after. "DnB Mayn" was a really strange section, but fit the rest perfection.

Building action at the bridge... And the chorus tremolo picking didn't do much for me. But the Section after was nice... Massive chords on those ensemble strings...

It seems to brighted up once the solo started. I kinda like pieces with that kind of brightness.

The part after Chorus 2 didn't seem to flow well untill the bass kicked in. Ambient 1 kinda just happened. But it was good, and the end of it seemed like it was ready for another build up.

I didn't hear too many genre changes, just melodic dissonance and some Dream theatre like guitar work.

For what your trying to achieve, its good so far, but not really for me.

Ill tell you what to C4C sometime.