#1
After reading this story in the metal forum:
Quote by severed-metal
Hmm, I have a story most of you should enjoy.


So, my mother is working at the school with one of the janitor's daughters, named Jackie. (Name is irrelevant) anyways, so Jackie is around 40-50 years old and his a son, who is mentally handicapped. So, naturally, she phones home on her break to ask her son what he's been up to, he answers, "Oh not much, just made some toast, and captured a troll" ..

..So, Jackie says, "Oh, ok honey, well, have fun and i'll talk to you later", she hangs up and so does her son.

About 2 hours later, she gets on her second break. Decides to phone her son again..

"Hey bud, how's it goin?"
"Oh not too bad, just taking care of my troll"

So, she gets a little worried and wonders what the hell is going on, so she drives home, opens the door, sees the couch in front of the basement door, moves the couch..Guess what she finds?

A damn midget at the top of the stairs.

Apparently, the man was a Jehovah's Witness

...I was inspired to tell this story:

Quote by Butt Rayge
One of my mates told me this story a while back about his brother, Mark:

So Mark is sitting at home one night, minding his own business when he gets a call from one of his mates, who is stoned off his face. The friend claims that there's an alien in his closet, and Mark brushes it off as paranoid nonsense. He gets another call and decides to go over to his mates place and investigate. He opens up the closet in question and out pops a teenager with down syndrome.

To this day, we have no idea how he got in there and what he was doing.


...Which led me to make this thread, to ask you all to share your ridiculous, hilarious, strange, and unbelievable, but most importantly; true stories.
#3
I


True story.
Quote by Pleasure2kill
The truth is, Muslims never apologized for their faith having something to do with the attacks on 9/11.
#6
...


True story.
NOW PART OF THE

Quote by Robchappers
You are epic my friend ;-)
Quote by RU Experienced?
At this point I'd be more surprised if you found me a Christian children's entertainer that didn't sodomize and eat kids.
#11
this thread suddenly took a depressing turn.

my aunt went from an H cup to an A cup.

I wish it wasn't true.
Last edited by MakinLattes at Jul 22, 2010,
#12
Some friends and I were up in Pennsylvania looking for Wendy's when we ended up driving through an Amish town, then down a dark road next to a forest. In the clearing was a field, and in the field was a man in a white bloodstained shirt running toward our car. At midnight, mind you.

True story, bro.
#13
Quote by jetfuel495
Some friends and I were up in Pennsylvania looking for Wendy's when we ended up driving through an Amish town, then down a dark road next to a forest. In the clearing was a field, and in the field was a man in a white bloodstained shirt running toward our car. At midnight, mind you.

True story, bro.


I live in Penn. Weird stuff happens. Once, durning halloween, there was this guy in my town who trick or treated dressed up as Zoro, only naked. He was never caught, never found, never heard from again.

True story.


Bro.
#14
Dude, there was this guy here who would hide in the greenbelt (huge sidewalks that go through forests) wrapped up in duct tape, pretending that he had been knocked out and taped up and abandoned. He'd wait for girls to come by to ask for help, then when they got him out he'd rape them.

And he was called...

The Duct Tape Man.

True story, bro.
#15
hahaha one night me and my bros were mondo stoned and drunk and were just walkin down a main road, we decide to go to wendys and when we went to leave one of my niggs was pushin on a pull door trying to get out and started screaming cuz it wouldnt open and called for the manager to come open and complained about the doors. but it was a pull and not a push...true story. he was really pushin with all his might too. was weakkkkk as hell and mad hardcore

true story
Quote by LuckyLu


It's not that bad. Of course there is more interesting stuff, but don't force too much "interesting stuff" in a song. It will sound unnatural.

Quote by Amaseng
Yeah, trying too hard will make you sound like Between the Buried and Me.

#16
Asks friend when his birthday is
He tells me he doesn't know
I laugh and say "what do you mean? are you retard?"
"no, I was adopted"
*My face*
l
l
l
l
l
v



There was this 4 second pause of incredible penis shriveling awkwardness jesus fuck you couldn't even imagine but then we just sort of made eye contact and burst into uncontrollable laughter.


We fist bumped like bros an hit up the local taco bell.


True story
██░▒▒░░░░░░░░░░▒████████▓▓██
▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░▒████████▓▓
▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░▓█████▒██▓▓
█▓▒▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░▒▒▓██▒▒▒██▓▓
██▒▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒█▓▒▓▒██
▓█▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒░▒█▓░▒▒▓▓██
▓▓▓▒██▓▓▓▓▒▓██▓▓▓▒▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒░▓▓▓
#17
Hmm, I have a story most of you should enjoy.


So, my mother is working at the school with one of the janitor's daughters, named Jackie. (Name is irrelevant) anyways, so Jackie is around 40-50 years old and his a son, who is mentally handicapped. So, naturally, she phones home on her break to ask her son what he's been up to, he answers, "Oh not much, just made some toast, and captured a troll" ..

..So, Jackie says, "Oh, ok honey, well, have fun and i'll talk to you later", she hangs up and so does her son.

About 2 hours later, she gets on her second break. Decides to phone her son again..

"Hey bud, how's it goin?"
"Oh not too bad, just taking care of my troll"

So, she gets a little worried and wonders what the hell is going on, so she drives home, opens the door, sees the couch in front of the basement door, moves the couch..Guess what she finds?

A damn midget at the top of the stairs.

Apparently, the man was a Jehovah's Witness



......I just read this story on collegehumor....
Quote by Kensai
Happy birthday


Quote by TSmitty6
is it me or does the black kids head look like a bong, and the girl behind him just took a hit and is zonked out?
Last edited by Autumnfallsbest at Jul 23, 2010,
#18
One time I was making lunch and I accidentally the whole thing.
True story.
Inhuman evil take down!
#19
ooh, burn^
Quote by SlackerBabbath

I also have hairy butt cheeks, I once shaved a letter 'W' on each cheek, so that when I bent over it spelled WoW.

warning, some of the contents of this post may not necessarily be completely true.
#21
Quote by jetfuel495
Dude, there was this guy here who would hide in the greenbelt (huge sidewalks that go through forests) wrapped up in duct tape, pretending that he had been knocked out and taped up and abandoned. He'd wait for girls to come by to ask for help, then when they got him out he'd rape them.

And he was called...

The Duct Tape Man.

True story, bro.


That's totally not me.

<.<

>.>
#22
That troll story is made up. I've seen that in several places, and different versions have the midget being a census worker.
Rockabilly rules, Okay?
#23
I hate every one of you.

Quote by Autumnfallsbest
......I just read this story on collegehumor....

My mistake. I misunderstood. I thought the person was telling a personal story, not one that he'd heard.

My story was true though.
#24
^ hate is a strong word.

my nose bled on my ex-girlfriend's face before and ruined a great moment, and it was very awkward.

true story
#25
Quote by Autumnfallsbest
......I just read this story on collegehumor....


Link?


Maybe my mother was lying to me, the girl who she worked with called her mentally handicapped son earlier today, swear to god. I don't know, it's looking like she was lying.

or telling me a joke! God dammit i've been had.
Last edited by severed-metal at Jul 23, 2010,
#26
Quote by severed-metal
Link?


Maybe my mother was lying to me, the girl who she worked with called her mentally handicapped son earlier today, swear to god. I don't know, it's looking like she was lying.

or telling me a joke! God dammit i've been had.

I trusted you!
#27
I wanked this morning.

Which is remarkable seeing as I have no limbs.
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#28
Alright everyone just let this thread die. It's clear that no-one here has anything interesting to say.
#29
Once I was about to dry the dishes, and the cloth I grabbed to use was totally soaked. So I was like, WTF why is this thing so wet? My dad says, "that's what your mother said last night".

I was like, wat. Then we both laughed real hard and did a real brohandshake.

Bro story, true.
#30
reserved.

true story, because I cant remember anything AT the moment...
STRIKING MINORS
Last edited by Mources at Jul 23, 2010,
#32
There was this gang called The Jets, and this gang called The Sharks. They were rival gangs and they both hated eachother, trying to take over eachothers territory, and a load of other shit happens thats ripped off from Romeo & Juliet.

West Side Story.
#33
Quote by Adam Scott
There was this gang called The Jets, and this gang called The Sharks. They were rival gangs and they both hated eachother, trying to take over eachothers territory, and a load of other shit happens thats ripped off from Romeo & Juliet.

West Side Story.

It's based on Romeo and Juliet, not ripped off.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#34
When I feel sad, I just stop feeling sad and become awesome instead,
True story
I own an Ibanez J-Custom

I am Guitarnoob_100. Say hey

PSN: Whiski_Guy
Xbox Live: Chris2194

Steam: Galiathslay
#35
Quote by Renge
My sister just an entire coke can!

My mom is in tears right now and my dad just went in his room and slammed the door

I'm freaking out guys!! I don't know what to do

Does anybody else remember this thread?
Quote by user_nameless
You can go ahead and sponge my bob.

/notfunnyatalljoke.


Quote by halo43
When you date a vegetarian, you're the only meat they'll ever eat.