I haven't a damn clue how the rest of you guys do it. But how do you even START LEANRING how to play.

I'd go the instructor route but I'm not going to spend any more money on ineffective mentors.

The problem now is that I'm trying to teach myself with books and computer programs now and I am completely overwhelmed and want to hit the damn guitar with a clawhammer.

For those (probably everyone on here) that are in the know; how the hell do you start?
Find a simple step by step guide to it. I wish pick n' grin was still doing videos for here cos I learnt a hell of a lot from him. Anyone know where he went?
When altitude dropping, my ears started popping. One more red nightmare...
I started by learning how to read tab in music class. Then I just bought a guitar and started looking for tabs of easy songs that I liked and played them.
you could pick up quite alot like how to play chords and timing by learning how to play some songs
I just look at online tabs, works great.
Fender American Standard Telecaster
Vox Night Train 15W
An ever-morphing BOSS and MXR loaded pedalboard

"I eats more chicken any man ever seen!"
-Howlin' Wolf
i advise to learn scales - minor and major and some powerchords. this is what you need keep rocking mate, never give up
I honestly don't even remember how I started.. It was like flipping a switch a few years ago, I can remember exactly when I wouldn't touch my guitar for days, then go to lessons and have my teacher dissapointed, then I quit..

Next thing I can remember is playing a lot of Metallica and such.

Cool little side note: My first guitar teacher was Jim Magoon (Guitarist for Recycled Percussion, who are also from Goffstown, NH )
power chords, the pentatonic scale, and tabs. I highly suggest you use powertabs because they are awesome.

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At this point I'd be more surprised if you found me a Christian children's entertainer that didn't sodomize and eat kids.
Choose a song that you are very familiar with. However, choose a song with only a few chords (the simplest song in the world is Whole Wide World with only two chords!). Whatever the song, learn the chords, print out the lyrics with the chords, and have a music player play that song in the background. Or download a trial version of GuitarPro software and download your song into GuitarPro. Then just play along.
choose songs that you like, learn them! if there still to hard just learn the rythm parts of the song. Also an easy way to learn is start off with 5th chords (or power chords as they are more commonly known) and progress from there but the most important thing you need for playing, is motivation and passion, the skill bit just takes a bit of time.