#1
this is a song i wrote about my ex after a long and painfull relationship ended with her turning on me and deliberately trying to make me suffer but anyway please give advice on bettering it, bearing in mind i wrote this in two minutes :P

You lied to me for so long
how could i have believed any word you said!
You brought me down to misery
now i will pick myself up
show you how much stronger you have made me

i don't need you
i never will
your my past
and will remain that way
just stay away

i thank you for what you have shown me
i write my own future
guide my own path
you hurt me, kicked dirt into my wounds
but all that made me stronger

i don't need you
i never will
your my past
and will remain that way
just stay away

you took from me
you broke me down
you hurt me
you made me stronger

i dont need you any longer!!
So move on yourself!!
#3
theres definately emotion in this piece but the structure needs some work, at the moment its just words and not a song to me because its unclear whats a verse/chorus e.tc, good for two minutes though, its always a great idea to get your feelings down on paper while your still experiencing them then refine them later, if you come back to this in a few hours/days you might have a fresh perspective and be able to organize these words into a song structure. i do like this though, relates to one of my similiar experiences
#4
Quote by lukkyluke
theres definately emotion in this piece but the structure needs some work, at the moment its just words and not a song to me because its unclear whats a verse/chorus e.tc, good for two minutes though, its always a great idea to get your feelings down on paper while your still experiencing them then refine them later, if you come back to this in a few hours/days you might have a fresh perspective and be able to organize these words into a song structure. i do like this though, relates to one of my similiar experiences



Im currently editing the verses chorus etc, the ending needs work aswell i think
#5
new and edited version, unsure about the outro though :S

----------------

You lied to me for so long,
how could i have believed any word you said!
Made me think i was always wrong,
put things into my head,
You brought me down to misery
I thought i could never pick myself up

i don't need you,
i never will,
whatever you do,
will only kill,
your my past ,
and will remain that way,
just stay away

i thank you for what you have shown me
your no longer a burden
and i feel as though i have been set free,
you hurt me, your words i wish i had not heard them,
but all that made me stronger
i finally see the light

i don't need you
i never will
whatever you do
will only kill
your my past
and will remain that way
just stay away

hurting me was your mistake
but from you my heart i will take
what you made me see
turned me around
and made me realize that you are not for me

i dont need you
i never will
whatever you do
will only kill
your my past
and will stay that way
just stay away