#1
Overcomplicated pretentious Opeth-influenced prog metal with 100 instruments. I've been writing this on and off for 100 years, and I'm glad to have finished it. Or gotten to the end of it at least, I'll probably change bits depending on what people think of it.

There are a few bits I'm not entirely happy with, but I won't tell you what they are to see if anyone actually notices anything shit going on in them.

And yeah, tell me what you think of it. Be brutal, all feedback is welcome as fuck, being polite would defeat the purpose of the thread.

Thanks. Crit for crit, if you like.

EDIT: Arses, I don't know if this is happening for anyone else, but at the start of the song the tempo should be 165. Guitar Pro seems to enjoy inexplicably resetting it to 120, that shouldn't happen.

Also, I can't be arsed to re-upload it because I'm not looking for crits anymore, I've got the responses I was after, but if anyone still wants to listen to it get rid of the "Cheesy as fuck" bit. It's rubbish, the song works better without it.
Attachments:
ageofballs.zip
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
Last edited by whalepudding at Aug 3, 2010,
#3
Sure? It worked for me. I re-uploaded it, anyway, it should work now.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#5
That was pretty fucking epic. The Opeth influence is unmistakable.

The only thing that really bugged me is that the keyboard parts overpowered the rest of the song. I couldn't really hear anything else, but it might be partly because I'm using headphones.

There were a few parts where I would have liked the drums to just stay really simple, particularly in the Verse right after "lovely chords". Just a nice 4/4 ride cymbal or something. There are a lot of crashes and stuff there and I think it overpowers the really nice acoustic melody you have there.

My favorite part is the "lovely chords" part.
______________________________________________________________________
Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.
#6
Hello.

Let me begin by complimenting your sense of humor. I love it. Loved the titles for the sections and loved how you described the piece yourself. Cause, yes, let's face it: it is overly complicated and pretentious.
Not that this is essentially a bad thing - not at all. I loved the piece in general.

However - ending fatigue is easy to occur when listening. (And believe me, I am used to shit-long instrumentals, so it isn't just a matter of personal preference :P) I am listening it for the 3rd time now that I write this review and though I seriously love the main theme, there are quite a few sections which have little point for me. Essentially, you as the author are the ultimate judge, but I feel that some sections are quite useless and don't add to the general picture very much. Perhaps you were going for a sort of post-structure music, I dunno. Sections that pop into mind are the "apocalyptic" section before the "**** YOU I'M A CHORUS!".
There are also certainly sections which fit perfectly - as the "heavy" one. I really loved the sound you got there.

I have to agree with the previous poster - the drums are a tad over the top at some sections.

I feel that to bring more coherence you perhaps could reprise the main flute/piccolo theme of the start in between your verses, instead of a random flute melody? I think that theme is what qualifies as the "main" theme, so it could use a small reprise before the very end.

The chorus I have a small issue with. The theme is great, but the strings overpower everything else too much. It feels like a climax, but not as a coherent chorus as such.

Another section I don't really see the point of is the aptly named "cheesy as ****".

That all being said - great melody lines at points and overall a very impressive soundscape. I love it. Definitely a 4-4.5/5 composition.

EDIT: Oh and also - THANKS! for the great idea. Cello used that high up DOES indeed resemble the mellotron strings a bit.
Hark! Is that a mellotron I hear?
Last edited by Yachar at Jul 25, 2010,
#7
lol I can't find it, am I retarded or what?
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
#8
^Sorry, I re-uploaded a version just to make sure the tempo was definitely set to 165 at the start, but managed to put the .zip file inside itself instead of the .gp5 file. It should work now.

Thanks for the crits, they're very helpful - Yachar, I understand most of your criticism there, but I'm not sure what to do instead of the "cheesy as ****" bit. It was meant to continue from the bit before it and be a sort of climax, ending on a bit like the "Change" section earlier so as to transition back into the main theme. Does it not work, or is it just shit despite working? Do you think I should write a better climax, or find some way of leading from ascending/descending into the outro?
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#9
A complete rewriting of the section isn't necessary in my opinion. The thing is, you already have a climax, pretty much there as it is in the form of the chorus and the "ascending/descending" bit. You could make things a lot simpler by just doing a crescendo there, have it go out with a blast - a moment of silence - and the flutes with the acoustic guitar come back in.

That would how I'd do it anyways - to me it seems like there is simply one section too many in the climax and it drags on overly long.

If you feel that this drawn out climax should be the case, then I guess the cheesy section works just fine - no need to completely rewrite it.
Hark! Is that a mellotron I hear?
#10
Thanks for the crit! I actually lowered the guitar volume right in the beginning cause the guitar was a bit too invasive after you pointed it out. Thanks! And sorry it took me so long to get back to you... I've been trying to find where I stand on this song. Let me go ahead and say I loved it... but there are parts where I go "Why did he do that?" and I've been trying to find those.

Let me start off by saying I love pretty much the entire intro. The acoustic is amazing, the woodwind melodies get caught in my head for hours at a time. Wonderful drums (I love me some complexity in the drumming area). My only gripe is the way the song starts: you should have the "Mr Double Bass" fade rather than just start.

I also think you could have transitioned into change a bit better. Repeating the fade in from the beginning, while it works, just seems a little... weird. It's not quite as smooth as it could be.

Everything after that is amazing. I love your acoustic work in "Lovely". "Heavy" and "Descending" are awesome. "Apocalyptic" makes me want to punch someone in the face (in a good way).

My favorite part has to be the chorus... your names just push it over the edge I don't know if you've heard this before... but the chorus sounds a lot like something A7X would have done on their City of Evil album. I absolutely love it

During "Lovely Chords" I think this would have been a great part to bring back the intro melody for a couple bars before you started the amazing melody that begins at "Pethy Melody". I do have to ask though... how were you able to mute the cymbal hits at the beginning of "Lovely Chords"?

I like this bit too. The woodwind work is awesome.

In "Descending/Ascending" the (what I assume is) "Ascending" kind of ruins the feel. I understand it's setting it up for "Cheesy as ****", but I dislike that part. It just seems so counter-productive for the mood you've set up the whole time.

I love the mini solo in "ecneuqeS maerD". The outro is very good.

9/10

Very, very good song... just some small things that really bothered me ("Cheesy as ****"/"Ascending"/ etc.).

I just tried it without "Cheesy as ****" and I liked that. It transitioned very smoothly.