#1
Crit4Crit

This is about a friendship I had with a girl for 2 years and we became quite close and then poof, it was gone.


Threw it Away


The spark stared
We were on our way
Spoke once every day

Grabbed her hand
When love pushed her down
One of the better people she found

Like a fire
It was laid to waste
Like my love
Easily replaced
Like a child
I helped you through
Like a broken gift
You threw me away too

Took in her thoughts
Sat and listened as she changed
I must have been deranged

Did all she asked
No thought or hesitation
Now she's moving on

Like a fire
It was laid to waste
Like my love
Easily replaced
Like a child
I helped you through
Like a broken gift
You threw me away too

In only 60 days
We took what we had
And threw it all away

Like a fire
It was laid to waste
Like my love
Easily replaced
Like a child
I helped you through
Like a broken gift
You threw me away too
#4
The only glaring issue I see is that your word choice doesn't always express strong enough emotion. Not to say that this situation doesn't deserve it, but lines like 'spoke once every day' or "in only 60 days" weaken the piece by sounding a bit pedestrian or average.

To make it a little stronger, try using stronger, more emotive phrases- about connecting with each other rather than speaking, etc.

I strongly agree with Jake 9412, the chorus is flawless, the verses just need a little bit of touching up and this will be a very strong lyric.

C4C if you are willing! I hope this helps.