#1
Yet another original song, the song linked to in my signature, it started a bit more downbeat and yet i personally feel its sounding quite good in the format its in. Any forms? Ideas for interludes or something? Any feedback and criticism will be appreciated as most of my friends just seem to like it and i'm still in the post song creation bias phase.

Thanks very much.
#2
You have a really funky vibe going on with the drum machine and the fuzzy everything-else. I dig; it's definately unique sounding.

As far as structure goes, just some random thoughts:

The intro is spot on in my mind, and I like the quick guitar bits. The quality of the recording also adds a really spooky feel to the lines you say. I'd advise against yelling the lines though at 2:10-ish. Just have the instrumentation fade away, have few moments of silence, and then say the lyric like you did in the beginning a few times. Kick the door open again with the guitar solo, and end with one last chorus, downbeat, only percussion and vocals. End the song with just the vocals saying the "i can't go on....", no instrumentation.

That's where I'd go with it anyway. It's your call, and if you like the structure, then don't go changing it just because some random bloke on the internet said so.

Speaking of changing song structures just because some random bloke said so, C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1342791
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"So if 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', then isn't 'congress' the opposite of 'progress'?"
- John Stewart, Daily Show
#3
You've got a good sound there, nice song. Is it too indie? I've no idea, but for me I'd say do what you think sounds good and let everyone else worry about sticking labels on it.
I have become........comfortably numb