#1
Hey, everyone, its been a long time since I've posted here, I don't know if any of my old buddies are still around! Anyways, I'll definitely give you a crit back if you would be so kind as to critique mine.


There’s a chorus of conformity on the breeze
It’s caught in my ears and I can’t keep my head straight
It’s got me looking over my shoulder at the man I was
And trying to remember what moved me from that place

It’s in our self-destructive nature to try to change
To struggle to fit in and to shut each other out
And if you think that what you say will change a thing,
Just know that it won’t, it’ll just make you crazy

Because I’m losing more and more of myself everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
All these people looking lost around me, I wish I could help,
But I’m a stranger here myself

A dead end road
Or a dead end job
A broken home
A hole in the ground

The missing sound
A forgotten voice
A blackened lung
A clinging vice

Repeat, repair
And dig your hole

Cause we’re all losing more of ourselves everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
I’m feeling all alone now, please help me out
I’m feeling so alone now, please help me out
We’re all alone now, I wish I could help
But I’m a stranger here myself


We’re all gonna fall apart,
unless we do something about it
#2
What is it about? Or is this one of the ambiguous lyrics, where the audience is not sure of the true meaning of it and it is down to interpretation of the reader/listener to determine the meaning which is suited towards them? if you get my meaning.


"Because I’m losing more and more of myself everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
All these people looking lost around me, I wish I could help,
But I’m a stranger here myself"

I like this. Because it is relevant to me at the moment and because I feel alone, down and depressed at the moment (long story and yes it's because of the ex.)


"A dead end road
Or a dead end job
A broken home
A hole in the ground "

This sounds like a protagonist who is going through a tough time and everything has fallen through and there feels like no escape.

What is the "Hole in the ground?"

Good lyrics man. I like to see more

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1343004
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
Last edited by Fisheth24 at Jul 26, 2010,
#3
I wasn't intending to be vague about my meaning, but from past reviews on old lyrics, I tend to be very ambiguous without trying. Basically, the song is about compromising yourself to the point where you can't even tell who you are anymore.

The hole in the ground is meant to signify a grave.
#4
Quote by Skaliveson

There’s a chorus of conformity on the breeze
It’s caught in my ears and I can’t keep my head straight
It’s got me looking over my shoulder at the man I was
And trying to remember what moved me from that place

It’s in our self-destructive nature to try to change
To struggle to fit in and to shut each other out
And if you think that what you say will change a thing,
Just know that it won’t, it’ll just make you crazy

Because I’m losing more and more of myself everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
All these people looking lost around me, I wish I could help,
But I’m a stranger here myself

All three of these verses sound great. Only nitpick is I'd get rid of one "just" in the last line of the second. I like the three verses in the same style before you change, so it gets into a nice groove, and a listener could pay good attention to what you're saying. The ideas are easy to relate to as well, it's overall really good.

A dead end road
Or a dead end job
A broken home
A hole in the ground

I saw above that "hole in the ground" is meant to be a grave - this is good, but even if I didn't identify it as meaning that, I still like the sound of it. Even if not a grave, it's sure a step down from anything good. A broken home often isn't far from a hole in the ground.


The missing sound
A forgotten voice
A blackened lung
A clinging vice

Repeat, repair
And dig your hole

The last part sounds sort of accusatory to me, sounds more hostile than the rest - I might make the last line "we're digging our own holes" or something like that, but that's just me.


Cause we’re all losing more of ourselves everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
I’m feeling all alone now, please help me out
I’m feeling so alone now, please help me out
We’re all alone now, I wish I could help
But I’m a stranger here myself

Good stuff, no criticism.

We’re all gonna fall apart,
unless we do something about it

Good ending. Keep it up!


Good stuff.
#5
I like this a lot, but what is it about? You feel lost in the world? However, it all flows together very nicely, I like it a lot!
#6
Quote by Skaliveson

There’s a chorus of conformity on the breeze
It’s caught in my ears and I can’t keep my head straight
It’s got me looking over my shoulder at the man I was
And trying to remember what moved me from that place

I definitely like this first stanza. I like the imagery of the conformity being an actual sound or object and it all flows very well. I think this speaks to me because I feel as if I can relate.

It’s in our self-destructive nature to try to change
To struggle to fit in and to shut each other out
And if you think that what you say will change a thing,
Just know that it won’t, it’ll just make you crazy

I like this stanza a lot as well, but the last line feels weak in comparison to the others. The first three lines do a good job continuing the mood of the piece and describing conformity and you continue with the good imagery. However, I really dislike the choice of the word "crazy" in the last line- it really disrupts the flow.

Because I’m losing more and more of myself everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
All these people looking lost around me, I wish I could help,
But I’m a stranger here myself

Yes. I really like how cohesive this stanza feels; the last line really does a good job summing it up and giving it more of an effect. A good continuation of the piece.

A dead end road
Or a dead end job
A broken home
A hole in the ground

The missing sound
A forgotten voice
A blackened lung
A clinging vice

Repeat, repair
And dig your hole

I'm not sure how much I like these shortened stanzas. While they do change the feel of the piece, which I'm assuming was intentional, it just seems to break the flow too much. The first four lines seem to be okay, but I really don't like the second set of four lines. Perhaps if you changed the stanza between "A dead end road...a hole in the ground" and "repeat, repair/and dig your hole," it would flow and feel better, but that's just personal preference.

Cause we’re all losing more of ourselves everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
I’m feeling all alone now, please help me out
I’m feeling so alone now, please help me out
We’re all alone now, I wish I could help
But I’m a stranger here myself

No crit here, since this is essentially the same as the third stanza.

We’re all gonna fall apart,
unless we do something about it

Strong ending lines, although the focus seemed to shift from conformity to deprecated standards of living.


Overall, I really enjoyed this. If you make some changes to the shorter stanzas and change some of your word choices, I feel this could be a great piece.

If you want to do C4C, link is in my signature!
#7
There’s a chorus of conformity on the breeze
i like the little alliteration "chorus of conformity"
It’s caught in my ears and I can’t keep my head straight
It’s got me looking over my shoulder at the man I was
And trying to remember what moved me from that place

It’s in our self-destructive nature to try to change
To struggle to fit in and to shut each other out
And if you think that what you say will change a thing,
Just know that it won’t, it’ll just make you crazy
I like this, it reminds me of what high school is like, everyone trying to fit in, regardless of who they are.

Because I’m losing more and more of myself everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
All these people looking lost around me, I wish I could help,
But I’m a stranger here myself
This stanza might be my favorite, the feeling of losing one's self is really real...

A dead end road
Or a dead end job
A broken home
A hole in the ground

The missing sound
A forgotten voice
A blackened lung
A clinging vice

Repeat, repair
And dig your hole

Cause we’re all losing more of ourselves everyday
And the world keeps looking stranger to my eyes
I’m feeling all alone now, please help me out
I’m feeling so alone now, please help me out
We’re all alone now, I wish I could help
But I’m a stranger here myself this is my favorite single line.


We’re all gonna fall apart,
unless we do something about it


I really like this whole piece, it's really down to Earth and real... Very well done.
#8
Quote by GoodVibrations
I really like this whole piece, it's really down to Earth and real... Very well done.


You took the words out of my mouth..
Well done!
#9
hjou49c: I never though of that line as accusatory before, thanks for pointing that out!

r-bizzle182: For the second shortened stanza, do you mean just to change the lyrics, or to make the lines longer in it?

GoodVibrations: Thank you for the compliments!
#10
I like the very sober, realistic approach of the song, but the meaning stays somewhat vague to me. The style it is written in doesn't seem to fit the way you bring the message for me.
I'm very fond of these lines:

A dead end road
or a dead end job
a broken home
a hole in the ground

I can feel what the writer meant, or at least what I think you meant, and that's what an audience is looking for I think.

I also like the atmosphere of the song, you're still letting the listener free to interpret the song in his own way
#11
This is really good, the first line definitely got me into it.

A dead end road
Or a dead end job
A broken home
A hole in the ground

The missing sound
A forgotten voice
A blackened lung
A clinging vice

These lines I found to be particularly powerful, given the subject. It`s very easy to relate to, which is always good, because even if someone hasn`t been in this situation themselves, everyone knows at least one person who`s changed for acceptance.

Overall, I get a very dark feeling out of it, like a busy city street during heavy downpour. That may not make much sense to you, but that`s what it made me think of. Deal with it.
#13
the overhead
of the piece
held alot of meaning
i feel your wording could have been a bit stronger
but you still had me right there with you the whole time
i never lost interest

first three stanza's ( third was my favorite)
held the piece together
i wasn't feeling the shorter ones

wish i could be of more help
but I'm a stranger here myself
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him