#1
Yeah, I know I need to write more.

But this is what I have to my epic which is titled the point of no return. How Imagine it is; this character has come home after being away somewhere (possibly coming home after a skirmish) and he then realises that everything has changed since he has been away. His wife's left him, taken his children and all of their possessions and he is reminiscing over the time period that him and his ex wife spent together. He is planning to get it all back and is even planning to resort to murder to do so.

Anyway, the usual C4C right? :-)

I gaze at the misty night
apart again the moon is so bright
The howl of the wolves comfort the land
when inside it feels like decaying sand

I wonder if you will ever feel the same again
That time is gone but my feelings remain
My thoughts are silent now.
my only question is how.

I know the place where the pain lives.
Creeping inside what's to give.
The flow of the river is still
It runs over the foot of the iron hill.

The deathly silence buries me
those eyes of yours look like the sea
Those wolves aren't asking how
hush, it is silent now.
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
#2
Quote by Fisheth24

I gaze at the misty night
apart again the moon is so bright
The howl of the wolves comfort the land
when inside it feels like decaying sand

I like this opening. I think the second line is meant to be read as "the moon looks brighter, since we're apart"? I like the wolves comforting the land. I'd consider re-wording the last line, maybe "inside I feel" or "my insides feel" - the imagery is good, I just think "it" is too weak a word.

I wonder if you will ever feel the same again
That time is gone but my feelings remain
My thoughts are silent now.
my only question is how.

I might make the first line something about making her feel the same again, or getting it back or something, to make the story clearer - it's not entirely clear what the "how" is without your explanation above (unless of course you intend it to be that way).


I know the place where the pain lives.
Creeping inside what's to give.
The flow of the river is still
It runs over the foot of the iron hill.

I like this. The second line, I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say with "what's to give". I'd maybe open the last line with "running".


The deathly silence buries me
those eyes of yours look like the sea
Those wolves aren't asking how
hush, it is silent now.

Sounds good. Maybe change the second "those" to "the" or something.

Good stuff, keep it up!


C4C, if you'd be so kind:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1340508
#3


It's not the worst thing I've ever read, but the content seems melodramatic and misplaced.
Quote by JustRooster
That's a shamanic incantation of truth if I ever heard one.
#4
Quote by Aeolian Harmony


It's not the worst thing I've ever read, but the content seems melodramatic and misplaced.


Melodramatic and misplaced how? :-).

I agree it is melodramatic, but it's meant to be.
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
#5
Its good. better then what ive wrote. you did a really good job of expressing your theme though your lyrics but what kinda genre is the music going to be.
also, my song is the link in my Sig. critiquing appericated
Zune Tag: Metal4life 1976
PlayStation Network: Koltzow


Quote by Bearded_Seth
At least you know you're attractive..

Quote by TheAbsentOne
I'd smack his ass too.
#6
Quote by Thrash_Head1990
Its good. better then what ive wrote. you did a really good job of expressing your theme though your lyrics but what kinda genre is the music going to be.
also, my song is the link in my Sig. critiquing appericated


I forgot this thread existed! I wasn't sure what genre it was going to be, I was going to try and write some Powermetal or a Power Ballad xD. What ever fits I guess.

I'll check it out.
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100