#1
I wrote this when walking home after rehearsal with my band.
I felt really inspired so I wrote this piece. What do you think?

Used to be all well.
Now I just want to yell.
Yesterday we were holding hands.
Now we're stretched out like rubberbands.
But deep in our hearts.
We know it won't snap.

Only minutes to spare.
Hold on and battle through.
Roses will grow and the hard times will go.
Together we will reach the top.

We've just found the combination.
It's not ready to break.
It's only just begun.
We'll stick together and joy will come.

Pull yourself in.
Don't let go.
Don't wander out alone.
If we'll fall.
We'll fall together.

If we'll fall.
We'll fall together.
Last edited by Mackan1994 at Jul 27, 2010,
#2
Nice, very poetic. I think you have a typo on hearts of hearts (heart of hearts?) but it might just be something you did to harmonize it to the melody.

Good piece bro.
"You can drink an ugly chick hot, but you can’t drink a fat chick skinny."

Fender: HSS Stratocaster

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#4
Quote by westley23j
sounds pretty emo. not too bad though. id like to hear it with some MUSIC.


Hahah well it's definately not emo. =D thanks anyway

And yes it was a typo! Thank you
#5
Quote by Mackan1994
I wrote this when walking home after rehearsal with my band.
I felt really inspired so I wrote this piece. What do you think?

Used to be all well.
Now it feels like hell.
Don't we all know this feeling?
Yesterday we were holding hands.
Now we're stretched out like rubber bands.
But in our hearts of hearts.
This has no actual meaning. Just say 'hearts' or 'deep in our hearts'
We know it won't snap.
I appreciate the sentiment, but the rhyme scheme is a little bit annoying. I like that this has a positive message, even though you are talking about tough times.

Only minutes to spare.
Hold on and battle through.
The choppy lines imitate the speed and immediacy of battle, I like these lines
Roses will grow and the hard times will go.
Together we will reach the top.


We've just found it.
What have you found?
It's not ready to break.
It's only just begun.
We'll stick together and joy will come.

Pull yourself in.
Don't let go.
Don't wander out alone.
If we'll fall.
We'll fall together.
Such a happy and important message.

If we'll fall.
We'll fall together.


Very nice. Cheers.

Please critique my newest lyrics, they are in my signature entitled 'repeat. repair.'
#6
Quote by Skaliveson
Very nice. Cheers.

Please critique my newest lyrics, they are in my signature entitled 'repeat. repair.'


I just read yours and they are very good.
When I see lyrics like yours I always think, "damn why didn't i come up with that sentence or that word"