#1
Can I have some advice on where to go with this? Thanks.

Is there a way out of here?
This trap I created
No priest to read the last rights
and this cold cell is getting colder

The memories of this world fade
fear has now taken place
Only blood and tears
but no fortunes of war

The light has finally faded
The damage is done
these men are on their way home
Fortunes of war.

What have we done to this land?
this one I created.
they are destroying all I have done
with no mercy and dissolutions.

Fortunes Of War.
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
#2
It has potential, but you need to iron out the kinks. In the first stanza, "this cold cell is getting colder", the way you say cold twice makes it a mouthful. How bout, this freezing cell, or this empty cell? I'm not a big fan of the repeat of 'fortunes of war' at the end fo the 2nd and 3rd stanzas. I think it makes it sound awkward. In the 2nd stanza I'd put: 'But there's no fortune in war'. I got confused in the 3rd stanza as you switch from talking about the destruction and ravaging of the land to soldiers coming home, peace, happiness type stuff, and then go back to destruction. It took away from the whole theme in my opinion. The last stanza you talk switch from us together destroying to just them destroying, I'm thinking you should unify it. And these are all my opinions

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1343378
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.
#3
Yeah its good and like what the first guy said it has potential. but im a little confused on how the first time you say "but no fortunes of war" and the ending line is fortunes of war. there should be a ,i dont know if this is the right word, crossover line. all in all
very good
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