#1
here's the recording.

I wrote this about 2 months ago and recorded it at home with very basic equipment (2 foot wire going from the guiitar/bass to computer mic port) The drums are garageband samples. the lyrics can be seen with the link but there are no vocals in the recording so it's just for reading i suppose. And yes I know I messed up the solo, it was recorded in a bit of a hurry.

C4C!!!!!!!

LYRICS

slumped down across the sidewalks
A life worth loss erased like chalk
Never able to stand up straight
Never able to accept his fate

Each second lost is a second they gain
The ones that put you here and left this pain
Those empty words that left you feeling so hollow
form the blinded bribe you chose to follow

You've fallen of the wagon
You let the good days drag on
You let the greed possess you
To have it throw you into
Point blank range,
They'll be eating you alive in
Point blank range
Where there's nowhere left to hide.

Flailing to catch a foothold
People waiting just to see you fold
You cast a glance around the room
And count the glances thrown back at you

Just look around, make a start at coping
Reclaim lost ground, there's a fire needs stoking
The inner strength is all that keeps you from falling
But like smoke in the wind you keep on stalling

You've fallen of the wagon
You let the good days drag on
You let the greed possess you
To have it throw you into
Point blank range,
They'll be eating you alive in
Point blank range
Where there's nowhere left to hide.

The day will come
When you will rise up from the ashes
Spread your wings
But don't hold your breath
No don't hold your breath!

You've fallen of the wagon
You let the good days drag on
You let the greed possess you
To have it throw you into
Point blank range,
They'll be eating you alive in
Point blank range
Where there's nowhere left to hide.
Now I'm walking the empty solemn streets
Casting down the shadows of my defeat
You look at me as if I'm throwing my life away
Well I'll tell you now, I'm not a fucking hyperbole.

Honey
#2
Good start on something in my opinion. The verses and the chorus are really cool, and I can't wait to hear it with vocals. However, the main riff seems like it has timing issues, it just doesn't flow very well. Also, the intro didn't flow very well into the riff. The solo sounds like it will be awesome cleaned up! Nice little clean breakdown/bridge. Aside from the riff feeling a little off to me, I really like this song!

Can you crit something for me? One Week in my profile. Link
Call me Michael...

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#3
Quote by TasianSensation
Good start on something in my opinion. The verses and the chorus are really cool, and I can't wait to hear it with vocals. However, the main riff seems like it has timing issues, it just doesn't flow very well. Also, the intro didn't flow very well into the riff. The solo sounds like it will be awesome cleaned up! Nice little clean breakdown/bridge. Aside from the riff feeling a little off to me, I really like this song!

Can you crit something for me? One Week in my profile. Link


Cheers, thanks for the feedback. Hopefully the main riff will be sorted out with a human drummer playing which may solve it. I listened to your piece and commented on it.
Now I'm walking the empty solemn streets
Casting down the shadows of my defeat
You look at me as if I'm throwing my life away
Well I'll tell you now, I'm not a fucking hyperbole.

Honey