#1
he`d live a simple life if simple lives were simple
he`s got a different way of keepin` his cool
he`s got his problems but he doesn`t mean to bother
he`d share indifference if you ask him to

and it screams
just exactly how it wants to-wants
to be held
and the apple of his eye
seems to get by just fine without him
as it goes
his feelings mix with alcohol
as he escapes
all his clothes
and his temporary love
she doesn`t ever seem to notice

under the blacklight all their clothes seem so alive
after the show all the girls go back to their boys
so many `natural` blondes the hair gets so confusing
unsteady heads move under waves of easy noise

some will say
he was never all that stable a man
from the start
but the girl was never good
for him and only made more problems
And doors close
the lights dim and he shows off what no-
body shows
from behind his three blind words
they take him everywhere he goes

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
want to-want to-want to-
want to be lost
burning bills, burning bodies, burning buildings
better do what you`re told

can`t be-can`t be-can`t be
more than befooore
an exterior is just a way to hide what
everybody knows

girl`s got a dream, the
girl`s got a dream, the
girl`s got a dream, the
girl`s gotta dream for herself
she`s using him, he`s using her
both know they could do better

she tells him how she plans to survive
she smiles when she sees the look in his eyes
her vice, his voice, he sees her walk away
she knows he knows she planned it that way

wants to be lost, he
wants to be lost, he
wants to be lost, he
wants to be nobody here

wants to-wants to-wants to be
nobody here
wants to-wants to-wants to be
nobody

I`ve never shared my stuff here, just wondering what anyone thinks, thanks.
#3
Thanks, I had a lot of DFA1979 and Photo Atlas in mind when I was writing it.
#4
he`d live a simple life if simple lives were simple
love the meaning of this line, but depending on how it is sung, the 3x repetition of the word 'simple' may sound annoying.
he`s got a different way of keepin` his cool
he`s got his problems but he doesn`t mean to bother
This line seems to drag on just a little bit, if you could remove a syllable or two from the second half, it would flow a lot better (at least the way I'm reading it)
he`d share indifference if you ask him to
I like this last line

and it screams
what screams?
just exactly how it wants to-wants
to be held
and the apple of his eye
seems to get by just fine without him
this couplet was brilliant
as it goes
his feelings mix with alcohol
as he escapes
all his clothes
so he is naked?
and his temporary love
she doesn`t ever seem to notice
these two lines mimic the two above about 'the apple of his eye' but are far less powerful. If you could switched to two so the more powerful section ends the stanza, it might have a stronger effect.

under the blacklight all their clothes seem so alive
personification-ish, I like it
after the show all the girls go back to their boys
so many `natural` blondes the hair gets so confusing
unsteady heads move under waves of easy noise
I love the end of this section: we all know our share of 'natural' blondes haha. I like the phrase 'easy noise'.

some will say
he was never all that stable a man
from the start
but the girl was never good
for him and only made more problems
And doors close
the lights dim and he shows off what no-
body shows
from behind his three blind words
they take him everywhere he goes
Interestingly (in a good way) broken up.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
want to-want to-want to-
want to be lost
burning bills, burning bodies, burning buildings
better do what you`re told
Nice contrast between burning and following the rules.

can`t be-can`t be-can`t be
more than befooore
an exterior is just a way to hide what
everybody knows

girl`s got a dream, the
girl`s got a dream, the
girl`s got a dream, the
girl`s gotta dream for herself
I like the repetition here especially
she`s using him, he`s using her
both know they could do better

she tells him how she plans to survive
she smiles when she sees the look in his eyes
her vice, his voice, he sees her walk away
vice and voice sound good together
she knows he knows she planned it that way

wants to be lost, he
wants to be lost, he
wants to be lost, he
wants to be nobody here

wants to-wants to-wants to be
nobody here
wants to-wants to-wants to be
nobody

I`ve never shared my stuff here, just wondering what anyone thinks, thanks.
you should start, this was excellent


Thanks for the crit on my lyrics.
#5
Hey, thanks a lot! I really appreciate your input, I liked what I read of yours as well.