#1
if you like thursday, alexisonfire, and so on you should enjoy this song. im kinda at a loss for what to do after the end. just posting this for suggestions on what direction everyone thinks i should go in next. umm rate, comment, go crazy! ill C4C for anyone who asks. thanks!

edit!!!!

new version with my first idea for an ending. i think it suits the song well. lots of lil changes in the song. don't be afraid to mess with the levels and pannings in the song. i hope everyone enjoys it!
Attachments:
swallowed by the sky..gp5
swallowed by the sky. v2 ending idea.gp5
Last edited by -tempest- at Jul 29, 2010,
#2
HI.
the end of your song needs to go into a BIG OL' SOLO
I write stuff like this and this is excellent tunage my friend! Finisher off and send it over. I see you are using guitar pro 5? if you finish the song and add markers to point out where acoustic guitar should or distortion, or whatever, I can make you an mp3 off Guitar pro 6 if your interested?
#3
im not quite sure if im just really slow right now or something but i don't understand what turning this gp5 track into an mp3 is going to do for me haha. thanks for the suggestion on the solo, im probably not going to write one because im a rythem player and i suck at writing solos. anything i should crit for you man?
#4




I liked this piece. You did a good job of creating texture and using interesting chord voicings.
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Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#5
Quote by DaddyTwoFoot




I liked this piece. You did a good job of creating texture and using interesting chord voicings.

i knew someone was gunna say something after i saw his song lol. thanks though, possibly recommend a way to end this.
#6
I liked it up until the last part. The slow part. I thought the one-chord-per-measure jive was a bit too boring for a quiet part. Maybe when the guitar gets distorted, bring everything back in and have the other guitar play an interesting octave part or something.

Oh and whip out an oboe or violin and get some vocals in there
i don't know why i feel so dry
#7
^will do, the end is all up to be changed, ill add a guitar lead because i personally like it. thanks for listening to it! anything you'd like a crit on?
#8
well for post hard core, you are right on the money. im definatley digging on the feel throughout the whole piece, its so building the whole time it has a perfect tension amount. the only problem with that is that you never take up on the offer it gives you, theres so much potential that just sits there, but it could just be the lack of vocals that leave it like that. however it may also be the end of the song feels like a solo is about to come and then it just stops so it really needs a solo, but nothing over the top. more of just a melody solo would be perfect [and if you need help with that id be glad to show you some examples]
uhm as for specific details, during the clean chords part a second guitar playing some sort of arpeggiated riff under the chords would play out beautifully and then the only other ting i can think of is mabey for the first 8 bars of drums under the ending put something lighter so it doesnt put too much tension all at once
but overall greatjob, thats definatley something i would listen to on real instruments with a real band =)
c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1343268
#9
Let me do something a little more detailed.

1-16: I like this. It definitely sounds a lot like Thursday. My only complaint is that both of the guitars are playing identical parts. It's obvious throughout the whole song that you like to mix up your voicings quite a bit. Why not at this part? It makes sense for them to be together on 13-16 for effect, but I think 1-13 would be strengthened by a slight variation between the parts. Your call though, of course.

17-32: This is a good riff to keep repeating like you did. 25-32 is amazing.

33-40: At first I didn't really like this, but by the third time I listened it clicked. It sounds great.

49-72: Best part of the song. Everything was perfect, save the bend at the end, which I think should be up 1 1/2.

And then you know my thoughts about the end. Overall, very cool. If you wanna do C4C, I just posted something. If it's not your style though then don't bother
i don't know why i feel so dry
#10
hey man that really gave me some insight on the song, thanks so much! umm i think ill post a finished version up since you guys seem interesting in may song.
#11
I reallly like this. Straight away I'm reminded of early Thursday, and all through it I was imagining a Geoff Rickley-style vocal just floating over the top. The riffs were great, and your lead melody parts are beautiful. I do think that the big slow part is a tad monotonous though, maybe you should bring in another little lead about halfway through?

As for the ending, I think you could get away with just having another double length chorus. Through in extra vocals, screams, harmonies, maybe a keyboard part? make it sound really powerful.

C4C? Your profile says you're a fan of The Devil Wears Prada, so hopefully you'll like this

Link
#12
indeed i do haha, TDWP so bad but i can't help but love them. im working on a lead and a lil more interesting clean part as of now. i think imma steal the epic ending from one of my old old pieces and go from there. you all were a great help! ill be posting a finished version in a few day, im not going to force anything; inspiration is key.
#13
I forgot to mention that this song doesn't really bring a whole lot of new stuff to the table (something I'm guilty of). If that wasn't your goal, then I must say you did a good just at recreating a style (a perfectly worthy and legitimate accomplishment). But if your goal was to innovate then you missed the mark. You didn't miss the dart board and hit the wall, but it was by no means a bulls eye. Obviously this no small feat at all, but it couldn't go unnoted.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#14
Really like this, got some great melody lines goin on there. I think this would sound AMAZING with some vocals. Like somebody said before, the clean part in the middle of the song seems a little too long. Maybe vocals would make it work (if you're gonna try that, try throwing in some distant screams to get a good atmosphere), but even then you might want to cut it a little shorter. Also I think the outro should be repeated once, its a little too short for my tastes lol

C4C?
---------------------------
Here have a waffle!
(>^_^)>#
#15
I quite like it. I didn't mind the acoustic part in the first version, however I probably like the second version a little bit more. I'd like to hear if you could somehow incorporate elements of both into the piece? Just something to think about, I suppose. The piece on a whole is definitely a job well done.

C4C?
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
09/03/2012
#16
Hello.

I like the harmonies and the main riff has a kick to it. Definitely sticks in your mind. As been said here before, however, it still feels kind of un-dynamic and empty without either a solo section, some more interesting motions added (perhaps even with keyboards? I can definitely hear a piano perhaps in the mood of the piece) or simply the vocals.

I'll stick up here as one who demands a solo as well. I can certainly hear almost a jazzy break down hinted at in the progression of this song. Something to do with the harmonies you use, I guess.

Something I would like to hear is more ride cymbal grooves on the drums... I think they would work very well. Your call, ofc.

Safe to say, I quite liked it.
Hark! Is that a mellotron I hear?
#17
You get a big thumbs up this time around. Nice work.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#18
haha wow, you guys are awesome =]. thanks for all the kind words and such, i think im happy with it. as for the innovation thing, i realized im no tbreaking any new ground but i have to be good at writing normal songs before i revolutionize anything
#19
That was actually pretty good. Not what I was expecting at all. Reminded me a bit of Have Heart in some places.

My biggest issues with this song are:

1) The bass. It's so boring. I guess that's the genre, but I just feel like it could add so much to the feel of the song. Little fills here and there could add a lot. Bars 33-35 really bugged me about the bass. I know that's the bass note in the chords, but it just seem so... against the chords to me. Bars 97-104 I feel the bass should be doing the same rhythm as the bass drum. Would add a bit of variety! (This coming from a progressive metal standpoint... I also like very complex basslines )

2) The pacing. If it wasn't for the occasional verse that came up it'd all be very drag along. While I like it, I feel it needs a bit more faster parts or slower parts (the bass would work wonders in giving the illusion of either of these... or just helping to create them!).

That's just me though. I really liked the song. Not breaking any new ground, but you don't always have to!

8.5/10 :]

C4C? Defining a Heavenly Body in my sig!

BTW, I loved the little outro. Very early Paramore-ish.