#1
I was watching the Discovery Channel
earlier, and there is some hypothetical
particle, called a Higgs boson,
some swedish scientists are looking for it by
smashing particles together.
particle after
particle
after
particle,
hoping something interesting happens.
"If the Higgs boson does not exist",
said one physicist,
"almost everything I know about physics
is incorrect."
"Nature already knows. Whether
it exists or not, nature already knows",
he said.
nature knows.
WE ARE NATURE.
or we were,
originally.
Not anymore, though,
we're too advanced for that.
We have our Large Hadron Collider,
we have academia. "We're civilized!",
proclaims so many everyones,
cups of coffee cheating death as they
quiver with the excitement of all these Names and
Labels and Compartments.
Fuck that.
The saddest thing in the world is that we're too advanced
because we're still cavemen.
After 500,000 years,
we're still smashing shit together
over and
over
hoping something comes of it.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
lol
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
where is the kudos button? lol
+5 internets to you sir. well done.
THIS YEARS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE GOES TOO.... *drumroll* GANOOSH!
#5
I really liked everything but '"We're civilized!",/proclaims so many everyones,' jumped out at me as a bad line. I like how this was nothing like the title made me think it would it be.
#6
cave men smashed shit together out of instinct and just because they were cavemen.
We smash things together based on theories to gain a better understanding of how the world works. If the theory is wrong we at least know to look elsewhere. We do not simply smash things together.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO LET YOUR MIND SPREAD WINGS AND TAKE FLIGHT

Quote by KeepOnRotting
+Infinity. This dude knows good metal.
#7
Quote by LaGrange
cave men smashed shit together out of instinct and just because they were cavemen.
We smash things together based on theories to gain a better understanding of how the world works. If the theory is wrong we at least know to look elsewhere. We do not simply smash things together.



You completely missed the point. This poem is about you.

EDIT: If you wanna continue this conversation, just PM me, don't do it here.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Jul 28, 2010,
#8
content was fine and tone was fun but the pace was just too damn off putting. trying to hard to fracture. no matter how stylistic things become the poem should always end up as some manifestation of music and this was unnaturally stacatto to such a large extent that i almost didnt want to finish it.
#9
Yeah, I don't know. I love the ideas here, and many of the phrases.

I deeply disliked the line-breaks in
I was watching the Discovery Channel
earlier, and there is some hypothetical
particle, called a Higgs boson,
some swedish scientists are looking for it by
smashing particles together.
Then this bit was pretty good - I wish you'd summed up what the boring physicist was saying, 'cause he goes on for six freakin' lines, and he ain't being poetic, but I get the whys and wherefores.
particle after
particle
after
particle,
hoping something interesting happens.
"If the Higgs boson does not exist",
said one physicist,
"almost everything I know about physics
is incorrect."
"Nature already knows. Whether
it exists or not, nature already knows",
he said.
nature knows.
WE ARE NATURE.
Then you spend three lines, seven words, to say "but"

or we were,
originally.
Not anymore, though,
Then one good line, then three lines whining about crap before you get to the meat of your poetry again
we're too advanced for that.
We have our Large Hadron Collider,
we have academia. "We're civilized!",
proclaims so many everyones,
After that, it's pretty great.
cups of coffee cheating death as they
quiver with the excitement of all these Names and
Labels and Compartments.
**** that.
The saddest thing in the world is that we're too advanced
because we're still cavemen.
After 500,000 years,
we're still smashing shit together
over and
over
hoping something comes of it.

peace

PS The Higgs boson is totally cool, huh? I wish it really existed. I want a pet Higgs boson!
Last edited by Nilchii at Jul 28, 2010,
#10
This was a pleasure to read. The only complaint I have is your editorializing because the actions / words of the scientist, and then the snappy ending, are all that is needed to convey the somewhat backwardness or circularity of technological advances, or at least to get your idea across. Whether it is right or wrong is another question, but it is at least funny. So, I'd honestly edit out a good chunk:

nature knows.
WE ARE NATURE.
or we were,
originally.
Not anymore, though,
we're too advanced for that.
We have our Large Hadron Collider,
we have academia. "We're civilized!",
proclaims so many everyones,
cups of coffee cheating death as they
quiver with the excitement of all these Names and
Labels and Compartments.
**** that.

It just comes across as editorializing (and it's not a new sentiment.) It seems like a rant that is not directly connected to the TV program you were watching. Also, you might want to consider re-phrasing the bit at the end as it reads a little clumsy, but it's still good.

Jordan
#11
I must say I did not enjoy that, there seemed to be no rhythmic flow to it and the actual lyrics were quite clearly from a person who has little faith, respect or knowledge about this area of science.

Like the person above said, the line breaks were horrible and awkward to read and there seems to be no direction in which the lyrics are going, just rambling on and on.

Sorry for the bad review but I felt like I needed to say something.
#12
Wow, none of you get it?

Its beauty is its broken up hard to follow structure
And why do you think that its hard to read that it won't have rythym?

All a song needs is an Idea... This is packed with ideas!
All the technicalities your talking are making come across as elitiest... no offence