#1
this isn't meant to sound serious. add comments please

the clouds have gathered
to hear hail's chatter
the heavens are grey
sinners will pay
once more
from our lord
this is the old way
sinners will pay

adults lie
children sigh
the old live only for today
sinners will pay
lust and greed
drives their breed
always going astray
sinners will pay

throughout time, the superstitious sat unkempt
without the wine, the drunks have surely wept
i want what's mine, only to forget
jesus sighs, as he clears the greatest debt

lights off
a woman's cough
a man is played
sinners will pay
i ignore
what bores me
anyway
sinners will pay

memories flood
the bone-filled mud
on judgement day
sinners will pay
#2
seems you need to find a soapbox to stand on, like any good fundamentalist preacher.

This is just filled with platitudes on one hand, and seeming randomness on the other. What made you write this? A poem, says Williams Wordsworth, is a moment of heightened emotion recalled in tranquility. Talk about whatever spurned your judgement, and not these generalities.

Really, clouds can't even hear!
#5
If you're going to make it joke, you need to go more over the top. Think the first half of "Moral Majority" or anything by Roy Zimmerman.
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FrustratedRocka you are a legend

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The man clearly knows his shit.

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one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#6
So this is supposed to be a joke............could've fooled me.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#7
i lied. it's very religious. everything in the first stanza is based off the old testament. the second testament is about human nature. the third stanza, chorus, is about jesus's life. the fourth stanza is from my own perception of laziness. the last verse is about revelation and the second coming. so yes i lied. i go to a christian college hah. BUT, i'm trying to show you that it's over the top and judgement is not as harsh as it seems.