#1
I have an actual completed song now! Yay!

If you critted on my last song and I haven't gotten to you yet, I will, trust me. I've been busy working on this one.

This is probably one of my most coherent and smoothest songs I've ever written. It's got a lot of different dynamics and (whether or not you can tell) LOTS of repeated parts, which isn't something I usually do. It's very melody based, which is also new to me. The drums are (in a way) a lot simpler than most of the drums I write.

Should I add a solo, or is the solo section good enough as it is?

How does each part transition?

How are the melodies?

And anything else you'd like to comment on :]

Enjoy!

Headphones if possible... definitely stereo if not. NO RSE!
Attachments:
Defining a Heavenly Body.zip
#2
Hey man, this is really well written. Reminds me of a less shreddy Animals as Leaders. I think the song does well without a lead section. It feels very fluid and coherent the way it is, and the textures are very nicely done.
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#3
Have to say this is pretty damn amazing. Some of the notes in the Piano Interlude seemed a bit off in my opinion ( a few 22s should be 23s etc.) but apart from that its utterly brilliant. Maybe those notes were intentionally off but I believe it will help it flow a bit better if a couple of changes were made so it doesnt bug any listeners like me :P
#4
This is REALLY good. I can only find 1 thing I don't like, which is the transition at bar 142. It's just too sudden and jarring. Amazing piece of music though - reminds me of An Endless Sporadic. 9/10
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#5
Dear lord, I quite liked the main melody in this song. It was outstanding.

I was intrigued by the intro sections ambiance. At first, I thought it too be too slow for my liking, but you expanded on it fantastically with the melody that I was talking about (18 bars in).

The spaciness of the strings and choir were phenomenal. Like Starcraft level of space exploration and discovery. Then you lead into that heavy riff to vary up the story. Good stuff mang.

I'm quite partial to that the chorus sections. They have a Cynic-ish sound to them, and remind me of a dash of JR's type of melodicism (somewhat redundant).

Shit hitting the fan was good reprieve from the chorus and the mass of ambient noise.

Funny that you go back to the ambiance after I stated that. Heh heh.
I think that the C# Phrygian Melody could benefit from the overdriven guitars. I thought you were gunna use choppy call and response riffage here, but no.
It's about the only section I take issue with.

A Round we go! is a great way of bringing the song full circle.

Not much here at the Bridge, but I guess it's just a transition. Good way to lead into Djenty.
Which I must say felt a bit brief, but it's alright.
The final chorus more than makes up for it. I glad that you finished it with the chorus actually, since it was my favorite section.

I know that gave more of a summary than a crit, but you seem to know what you are doing with this song. It's very expressive, with all the tiny nuances and competent pacing. Nothing was out of place.
An excellent song overall.
#6
Where do I begin? Well, I'll just try to crit while I listen. I've already listened twice though and can't even begin to suggest what to crit... But I'll try. So. -ahem-

I really, really like the orchestral intro. It's brilliant. The strings and choir are nice, without being invasive or pretentious or annoying. And then the guitar enters, and the atmosphere is just... Wow. Then the clean guitar, and the main melody on the piano... Lovely. I Love that melody. It's just great.

Speaking of which. The piano break, while simple, is SO effective. It's brilliant.

Now, I do think it drops suddenly when the distorted guitar enters. I wish maybe the orchestra would be louder there, to keep the atmosphere. That being said, the drums are cool there. The fill is great.

And then the main melody comes back with delay on guitar and ****ing dominates. The riff backing it is really cool too. I even liked the chorus breakdown thing. The rhythm is interesting, the bass and subtle fast things behind it are really cool...

The 7/8 clean bit is really nice too. Nice use of the chords. I think on Legend of Zelda, the synth stuff comes in too fast/suddenly though... I like band enters and the chorusy bit though. The bass is cool, and the melodic sense is really ethereal...

Shit hitting the Fan is a really cool part too. Especially when the synth comes in. I love how dark the song got, and that it all flows, all fits... The clean bit when the riff fades out is brilliant too, how it becomes the ambient bridge/phrygian melody... Christ, the flow of this song is lovely. Like a goddamn waterfall...

I love that the main melody comes back too, but more subtly... And the same goes for all the little subtle flourishes on the solo, of the rhodes piano.

And then the main riff/melody returns... As brilliant as ever. And the breakdown chorus with the slower bass is lovely too.

And... then it ends. The fade out is nice, as are the ending chords/arpeggios. Good way to end it. Very ethereal, like the whole song really...

So, yeah. There ya go. I couldn't say much... Maybe the clean break in 7/8 is an opportunity for a nice tasteful solo though? And mayhaps the outro/end as well? With the solo coming in from the main melody? I dunno, just musing/trying to help.

Great job.
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#7
It's not my style, but I think it's pretty good. I'm not going to cream my pants like some people over the use of a piano and strings, but I think it sounds good as it is.

Not really my thing, so I find it hard to crit, but I think you could use a little more heaviness in the song.
There will be zero tolerance
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There will be zero tolerance
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#8
First of all, you have a lot of knowledge in music and It is very obvious in your
work. This is impressive and I feel like this is maybe too much for me to be a real
good critique. I'll do my best.

The intro is simple but amazing. Very good orchestration up there. It overall
sounds very eerie and charming at the same time. When the piano kicks in, the
feeling changes to a very epic atmosphere. Sounds very ... dreamy... and soothing...
Reminds me of Pinella's playing in some parts of The Odyssey.

I'm not sure to like bar 58 this way. The bass is crazy but It, IMHO, lacks some
kind of melodic lead to it. Feels like there's something missing.

66 and so on sounds so hypnotic. This is some crazy stuff. I'm not sure i like
the tapping bass part, sounds a little to much overdone to me. However the rythm
of the guitar is so bad ass... Unpredictable.

Bar 109 is a very good part to transition to the jazzy feel of 117 and so on. This is
one my favorite part, but I'll put a more jazzy feel into the drums if I was you.


Shit>Fan part is my favorite one. So agressive but fading away in the melody... Like
a part of a nightmare ... nice transition to the C# phyrigian melody.

The rythm guitar during the solo reminds me of some kind of opeth feeling chords, but
with a ounce of "happy" feeling into it lol.

I don't have a clue about what Djenty means, but to me this part is totally crazy.
It opposes a very agressive rythm to an almost sarcastic light melody. This part
is really mind-twisting.

I look forward to listen to the completed version of the song If you add a solo.
I am sorry that I cannot bring you ideas or a real critique but I feel like this
song's way over my musical knowledge, so that's why I mostly described the feeling
induced by the song. I critiqued as a listener this time, not as a music writer.

Keep rockin'!
#9
MT party. This crit (more likes praise) is very biased considering I came into this thread knowing I'd really like it.

Intro(s): Reminded me a bit of this song. Big melodic black metal vibe to it, very cool.

New Song + jk lol: A huge mess, but in a good way.

Chorus: I'm sorry but this just sounded like carnival music to me.

Clean stuff: Ew electronic drums. Besides that it was very nice

Chorusey: This I really like. It reminds me of Focus, especially considering what comes next..

Fan(Shit): Oh god this is so ****ing awesome. Especially the bass. I like how everything fades out but the drums. Nice touch.

Everything else after that is perfect up until Breakdowny AGAIN?! which receives the same complaint.

I would do a super detailed crit, but I'm just not familiar enough with the style.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#10
Thanks for the crit

Intro: Very eerie, but sets the mood perfectly. I love the way you introduced the main theme of the song. Some people have complained about it, but I like the way you used the Phrygian mode to your advantage. Great idea.

New Song: I love what you did with the drums and the bass, keeping things driving and building up.

Same Song: The rhythm was great here but I think you should stick to keeping it in 3/4. The 7/8 measure just seems like it throws things off and it doesn't really add much. I like the delay effect you put on the main melody.

Breakdowny Chorus: The octave melody was a good idea. That bass part sounds really tough though with all that tapping. I'm not sure how well that even works. Maybe not have so many sixteenths in there?

Interlude: The use of 7/8 here is very well done. It refers back to the intro well and flows well into the next part. I like the chromatic work in the Zelda section.

Band Enters: The electronic drums came in handy here. It added well to the ambience.

Chorusy: Good job referring back to the chorus from before. I like the panning idea of the guitar parts, having one guitar alternate sides they play on. I didn't notice that the first time I listened.

Shit Hits the Fan: Really cool heavy section. It comes out of nowhere, but it works. I'm not sure about those blastbeats though. Maybe you can put the bell ride cymbal in there instead of the open hi-hat. It might sound a little more easier on the ears. Great transition into the ambient section.

Ambient: As I said the flow here was excellent. This is probably my favorite part of the entire song and you tie the main melody into here perfectly.

A Round We Go: Another great section. Who knew a round could be done so well in a metal song?

Solo to End: I like the riff here. I think it sounds great by itself and maybe you should go through it once before you actually begin the solo. The Bridge was really good. It allowed things to build up again and transition into the chorus section. I like the fadeout ending and the way you modulated the arpeggiated guitar chords to get there.

Overall a really strong song. I couldn't find much wrong with it.
9/10
#11
Here we go...

I like the orchestra, but it's a bit reppetitive,

Ooh I love the nylon!

Orchestra ends waay to suddenly, try fading it out, and the piano needs chords too.

For some reason this is reminding me of early opeth... hmm....

Again with the orchestra... too sudden in the clean interlude.

It's starting to get a little old now...

I love 142 on ... its really good.

Ambientish is cool but weird.

C# Phrygian is just too long. It gets annoying fast.

Im loving Djenty.

I love that last chord.

I really like it, but I just pointed out some of the stuff I don't like, as I love the rest, and this isn't really my style, but overall... 9/10.

Crit the one in my sig?
(Decomposition of the Eternal Soul.)
#13
Quote by nightale
Can someone tell me what does Djenty means?


Djent is a name for (more or less) progressive metal.

I'd provide a crit, except that I really can't find anything to complain about. It's a great song through and through, with a lot of attention to detail. I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said.
#14
Lol, please don't give out falsified information...

"Djent" is the sound a guitar does when you pick a note on a string and then mute it directly afterwards, especially on very low notes in a "chugging" type of rhythmic; popularized by Meshuggah's guitar sound, it is becoming more and more popular, and starting to become synonymous with the style of riffing as well as the actual "djent" sound.
#15
It didn't really capture my attention till the piano started, and once "New Song" hit, it picked up.

Ill assume you play piano to write a part like that, and some of the guitarwork you've written seems piano inspired. So, If you do play piano, what did you learn earlier? Guitar or Piano?

Legend of Zelda. Lulz. Good section.

Shit, let me introduce you to fan. Fan, meet shit. Cool section, and I like the direct it took. The part at 151 threw me for a loop, and so did alot afterward.

Ambient part was nice. 188 was also very nice.

Solo was great, although slightly predictable. I like that phrase alot though.

BREAKDOWN? Wtf. Thought about leaving. I will not Tolerate breakdowns!

But it was alright I guess. End chord was great.

Good piece. Not as dissonant as the other one of yours I listened to.
#16
The definition I gave is the one I picked up from Urban Dictionary (which in earlier definitions on the page also defined the onomatopoeia) when I asked myself the same question.

"Djent is widely acknowledged to have come first from Meshuggah, but Misha 'Bulb' Mansoor has arguably popularized the sound. Djent's typical uses give rise to a "genre" of djent that is characterized by hi-fi compressed production, polyrhythmic/staccato distorted riffs and ambient clean passages which make liberal use of 9 and other "jazzy" chords. Electronica influences such as glitchy percussion and synthesizers are also incorporated."

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=djent

So if I'm wrong, sorry.
#17
Basically, this is pretty much my favorite song from you, and I don't think there's really anything to critique but I'll try haha.

Orchestra intro was fantastic, very surreal ethereal chord progression, I love stuff like this. Guitar melody/chords fit perfectly, and I very much liked the piano melody in the piano interlude. Holy cow, transition from new song into nah jk was absolutely perfect, nothing more to say here.

Chorus bit was cool, but I think it would've been better if the bass played what the guitar was playing the first time and then went into the higher octaves for the repeat. Clean interlude flowed nicely, I'm really glad you keep bringing that theme back from the intro, but develop it in different ways each time, fantastic.

Legend of zelda was awesome, loved those chords. Band enters at bar 117 was nice, really liked the electronic drummin touch. Flow into the chorus was perfect.

SHIT->FAN was a nice contrast to the ethereal goodies before it, reminded me o the faceless somewhat. Really love the ambient stuff that comes in at bar 155 and the crossfade. I absolutely love how everything drops out at ambient-ish, it leaves the song just lke hanging in midair for a second and then it slowly comes back down when the C# phrygian melody enters in, awesome stuff.

Phrygian melody part was excellent, everything about it, synth, the bass part, the recurring theme, great stuff.

Kinda dissappointed by the solo part, just because there was no solo. You could definitely add one in there, I looped that part and improved a bunch over it and I managed to come up with some decent stuff, and I'm sure you could do the same

Bridge fit nicely and flowed fine back into the djenty part, which was good, but I would've liked to have seen some more groove goin on here. Breakdowny again was good a nice way to end the song with the fade-out and all.

Overall, you did a great job with this one man. Definitely my favorite from you so far. I really liekd how you kept that recurring theme throughout it, that was probably my favorite part about it. I only had a few issues with it, but nothing too major at all, still an excellent piece. Keep at it man!
#18
Wow, this is quite incredible. Very haunting. Although my only complaint is it is abit wanky at parts. but given the writing is so brilliant. i believe that is forgivable
#19
Thank you for the kind words everybody :]

@Burning_Angel - Did you want me to crit anything? Thanks for everything!

@Prog - I would imagine with a little adjustments towards the end of the chorus the bass is completely playable. It's really all the right hand moving... there's only two notes in the left hand.

@Yesterday - I'll get to your crit soon. Would you like me to crit on the song you gave me or your most recent? And thanks for the crit :]

@LifeIsBrutal - Haha no piano for me! But I do listen to a lot of piano pieces, so I could see where the piano "phrasing" comes into play. And yeah, I went for a less dissonant kid of atmosphere with this one.

@Zak - Thanks man :] I can come up with some good phrases during the solo, but nothing I can remember! I might just leave out a solo or write one in GP... thanks for the crit!
#20
The intro was awesome, quite moody and dark sounding. Nothing really wrong that I can comment on here. The piano interlude sounding a bit empty after the intro, but maybe that's what you were going for. Bar 58 when the song comes in, sounded a little messy/cluttered, although I think that's guitar pro's fault more than anything. 66 and so on was damn good, nothing wrong there. All the time-sig' changes are flowing well so far. The breakdowny chorus thing wasn't quite to my taste, but there's no really anything wrong with it either, it just dosen't appeal much to me. The clean interlude was pretty good, when it got to 109, that was fantastic. I like how when the band came back in, it had the electronic drum sound and such, very unexpected, but great at the same time. SHIT -> FAN made me giggle, mostly just the title of the section, but it was still pretty good. There's a blast beat at 145 though, and I hate blast beats . That kind of stuff always kills stuff a bit for me, but some people like them, so don't listen to me there . The ambient bit was great, almost kind of post-hardcore-y. The phrygian melody bit added nicely to it, so did the overdriven lead parts when they came in. Solo's... I can't judge as they aren't there . But, it's a tiny detail, I know, but I did love those fast rhodes piano runs from bar 216. I could be picky about drums through the entire piece, but not everyone on here is a drummer, so I shan't bother, there's nothing really wrong with them, there are just a few parts I would alter to my personal tastes. Djenty bit was decent, I like how alot of this song is based around those 2 chords, but it hasn't got boring yet, well done. Breakdowny bit, same as before, not quite to my taste, but nothing's actually wrong. The fade out worked really well to bring the song to a closing.

Overall, 8/10. A few things I would alter, but if you like it as it is, then stick with it.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#21
Damn dude... This is just... Woah. A real pleasure to listen to.
I can't really say anything that hasn't been said before, part from maybe: For the love of god get this song down and recorded.
The melodies are so refined, flowing and complimenting each other constantly, never clashing, ever changing - very beautiful and incredibly well written.

Thanks for your advice on my piece, I took it into account and I think changed it for the better; reposting back up on the thread. A man's advice can only really be measured against his own quality, but this proves you are more than capable indeed