#1
no estaba ahí cuando el sol
ardió en tu interior,
por primera vez.
o cuando de tu garganta surgió aquella pequeña flor
que anuncia con carteles y pétalos de colores la llegada de primavera
no fue conmigo cuando hiciste de tu corazón una ingeniosa comedia negra.
ni por mi cuando pediste deseos a una estrella,
una noche en que premoniciones fueron vistas como las hojas muertas de un árbol en tu patio.
no estaba ahí cuando lloraste a una estrella,
una noche en que sentimientos de insuficiencia fueron usados como sabanas por el triste océano. —

no fue por mi entonces, ni conmigo,
y nada podrá cambiar eso.
#3
I thought this was beautiful. I'm always very partial to anything in Spanish because I think it's such a beautiful language that can bring images to life that the English language simply cannot. I'm currently studying Spanish now so unlike the first poster, i understand it. I also hope to one day be adequate enough in the language to write a poem in it too

As for the poem itself, I thought the tone was spot-on and that some of the images were really evocative. For example, the flower sprouting the throat or the heart's dark comedy. Others I thought could have been a little fresher i.e. how the subject cried to a star. It's not that it was necessarily bad but it didn't have that uniqueness that some others had. Just my opinion though.

But overall I enjoyed this greatly and because this may not get a lot of comments since many people won't find it accessible, I just wanted to offer my thoughts
here, My Dear, here it is
#4
Quote by SubwayToVenus
I thought this was beautiful. I'm always very partial to anything in Spanish because I think it's such a beautiful language that can bring images to life that the English language simply cannot. I'm currently studying Spanish now so unlike the first poster, i understand it. I also hope to one day be adequate enough in the language to write a poem in it too

As for the poem itself, I thought the tone was spot-on and that some of the images were really evocative. For example, the flower sprouting the throat or the heart's dark comedy. Others I thought could have been a little fresher i.e. how the subject cried to a star. It's not that it was necessarily bad but it didn't have that uniqueness that some others had. Just my opinion though.

But overall I enjoyed this greatly and because this may not get a lot of comments since many people won't find it accessible, I just wanted to offer my thoughts


yay : thoughts!

i agree with what you say about some of the images being less fresh and unique than others. the star line, in a way, was trying to tie this back to me and bring this back to Earth instead of just having what would appear to be a list of whimsical images floating around. it was sort of describing what i was doing at the time the poem was written (leaning out the window, i was not there, night sky, etc.) it was also the 13 year old girl in me making a guest appearance.

i also get what you say about spanish. i've been writing mainly in spanish these days. it is a beautiful and rich language and i think i'm lucky it is my first.
i think all languages have their own beauty, essence and life. i sometimes try to stay away from translations (though i do recognize that while not perfect they' arenecesary.) i'm sort of learning french at the moment; reading Rimbaud or Eluard in their original language is a whole new experience!

i appreciate your comments greatly and i'm glad you enjoyed it :]


Quote by Adisturbedone
No comprendo


to be honest, yo tampoco, but let's keep it quiet or else people will start saying they don't understand either.