#1
I posted looking for help with this song in the help thread, but got nothing so I decided to make it's own post.

This is a song that I have started to make that is inspired by Opeth but I really seem to be running into a dead end.

I understand the drumming isn't perfect and everything, and that some of you guys may think I'm stupid because you don't think it sounds a thing like Opeth, but that's why it's Opeth inspired. Doesn't mean it has to sound just like Opeth.

But, anywho, I know by making it inspired by them put you up to high expectations... but here is what I have so far, and if anyone could help me with the musical direction from here on out, that would be wonderful. I want to put in a heavy, sort of Opeth signature style riff next, maybe something similar to Blackwater Park (the first verse riff) or something to transition the riff styles (maybe something similar to the first riff in Demon of the Fall)

I know I am asking a lot, but if you guys could help me with this, that would be amazing. Thank you, and C4C is always welcome (but if you give me a little effort on helping out, I will even critique several, with very nice amount of critique).

[THE FILE WITH THE 1 AFTER IT IS JUST A FEW POSSIBLE RIFFS?]
Attachments:
Following the Pain of Life and Death.gp5
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Aug 5, 2010,
#3
Quote by slayerfrk
hows about a link?

uhm. It's been there since the start...
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#4
To start off, I really have never listened to much Opeth. Maybe a few songs at most. However, I am still very willing to help you (or try to) with this piece!

I really like the eerie-ness of the chords at the beginning. The rhythm you used fits well.
Instead of using a crash starting at bar 5, I would recommend using one of the ride cymbals, or maybe even a hi-hat. The abruptness of the crash seems a little much for being so soon in the song. The distorted part starting at bar 13 sounds pretty good but maybe could use a little more creative drumming and a fill in the bar before it starts. The chords really fit except for one, which is the C5 you use in bar 15 and 19. It just sounds kind of...well...out of place to me. Maybe try adding a different bass note or add a higher note. The next part starting at bar 21 sounds AWESOME. I love it. The drums fit really well with the guitar so definitely keep that. Double bass comes in and makes it heavier, which I like.

Hmmmm...now for what should come next.
Since this is Opeth inspired, I imagine it is probably pretty progressive (I'm starting to hate using that word), but I think you know what I mean. But anyway, I think it would sound good to cut back out to the beginning clean chords that started the song out and then go in a different direction from there, maybe emphasizing on that progression. You could also possibly get even heavier by doing some riffage on the low D string. Either would sound quite good.

Overall I'm really digging what you've come up with so far in your 28 bars. Keep on with it and I'll be back to crit the full version when it's done!

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1344026

Sweet candy populous...

a worry free entrance...

into the world's history.


Quote by bartdevil_metal
The yellow envelope with the dot in it makes me e-orgasm.

#5
love the beginning, are you going to have some more ornamentation to it? some easy leads or soft vocals or something?

the first pre-verse riff is good and would be even better with a nice deep growl. a part of the proggy chord progression is a bit odd (not in the usual prog sense) - the 77 55 33 22 part.

as for what to do afterward... the first idea that came to my mind was a tremolo picking line (or two) that borrowed from one of the voices from the proggy chord progressions - listen to the progression and see what notes can be dug out. because i don't think this motif needs to go just yet, it works quite well. after this, a rhythmic change might be good. however, i'm not sure how well a riff like the Blackwater Park verse would work - for a song called "Following the Fields of Love and Mourning" it seems like it would be too aggressive. how about a mellower start-stop riff (as in how Blackwater Park's is), underneath some melodic lines (not necessarily in the solo range) sort of talking to each other? i'm thinking Ihsahn/late Emperor.

good start to a potentially good song.

*i only have one song for you to check out. it's quite long so feel free to skip around and what not. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1323125
Quote by archerygenious
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Last edited by vIsIbleNoIsE at Jul 30, 2010,
#6
Honestly man, the next part you wrote is incredible. I seriously love it.
Sweet candy populous...

a worry free entrance...

into the world's history.


Quote by bartdevil_metal
The yellow envelope with the dot in it makes me e-orgasm.

#7
Quote by Jarusafes
Honestly man, the next part you wrote is incredible. I seriously love it.

Thank you, I must continue then. : )

Added a solo and everything, i am on a roll..
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#8
Quote by DragTheWaters11
Thank you, I must continue then. : )

Added a solo and everything, i am on a roll..


Can't wait to hear it! I'd love to be of any further help.
Sweet candy populous...

a worry free entrance...

into the world's history.


Quote by bartdevil_metal
The yellow envelope with the dot in it makes me e-orgasm.

#9
Quote by Jarusafes
Can't wait to hear it! I'd love to be of any further help.

Well so long as you can critique what I have so far to let me know how well I'm going. I'm almost done with another part *is sweating badly*

Errggh lol.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#10
Quote by DragTheWaters11
Well so long as you can critique what I have so far to let me know how well I'm going. I'm almost done with another part *is sweating badly*

Errggh lol.


Keep going! You can do it!

The spirit of Opeth is inside you.
Sweet candy populous...

a worry free entrance...

into the world's history.


Quote by bartdevil_metal
The yellow envelope with the dot in it makes me e-orgasm.

#11
Latest version has been posted... I took a slight change in the riff style, but it flows very well. And honestly, I really like it so far. Solo isn't the best, but it's my best writing, I think.

Anyways, since I thought Following the Fields of Love and Mourning wasn't quite fitting the song, I changed the song name to Following the Pain of Life and Death.

And the song is still nowhere near complete, lol.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#12
Honestly, this song reminds me a lot of In Mourning. [Opeth too, but more of In Mourning because of the riff at the end.]

I liked the opening quite a lot. It had a nice eerie ambiance to it, and the drums came in, simple but effective, keeping the atmosphere. The subtle dissonance reminded me of Dirge for November, really.

I like the flow of the song so far too, really. The preverse was good, and the bit after that with the double bass and the big chords was really cool.

The riff at the end is pretty groove-y too. It's a cool riff, sounds really like In Mourning. The issue I have with it, is that the atmosphere isn't conveyed so well in it. I feel like it needs an octave melody over it or something to keep the atmosphere and such, otherwise it all sorta falls apart. And up till there you were building a great atmosphere, too.

EDIT: The solo over the chord bit is... I dunno. I don't really like it. Not my style. But it fits. I would've rather just left it chords and had a solo later though, in a more emotive style.

The octave riff at 39 needs work I feel like... Or, something after it really. It just seems to be building to something I suppose. Like an intense tremolo picked riff, or a big emotive chord section maybe.

So far so good though, overall.
Quote by MoogleRancha
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"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jul 31, 2010,
#13
Thanks for all the responses and stuff, kept my motives high. : )

The (final?) version is up. Some simple input such as whether or not I should continue the song after the clean section that sounds like a porno, that would be welcomed.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#14
Possible inspiration for intro?

I'm a bit on the fence with this one. It's got some good ideas that just aren't fleshed out properly to me. I feel the chord before Bar 13 (the one that ends Bar 12) should have a different tonality to prepare the listener for the sudden change in tone.

The next riff and lead, however, is pretty good. All except Bar 27. I dunno why, but I get a Metallica-ish vibe from the next. It's not bad. It just wasn't what i was expecting really.

My only problem with the "Verse Extension/Fill" section is it sounds very generic. It works for what it is though. Maybe some harmonies would fill in the gap? Since all 3 guitars are playing the same thing you could spare one or two for some chords underneath on the clean guitars. I love what you did next at Bar 47 though. I dunno why, but at 52 I feel a Breakdown is in order. Something really complex. Or very simple. I don't really care. That's just what I was feeling.

At 61, I didn't really care for the lead. If you take it out, it sounds a little better. You can't really hear it anyways. Though the lead is a little better over the clean guitar.

I feel the thing at 82 is completely unnecessary, but it makes me lol. Definitely a porno. A very demented porno. I think 81 could have ended on a D Major instead of a DM7. It feels more "final".

I think that could have been the ending instead of the... porno thing

I think it's fine the way it is in terms of structure. In some places (mainly the octave stuff) a clean guitar underneath would fill up a lot of needed space (as would a bass, honestly) and offer some... non-genericism? Mix it up a bit... bring back some old riffs later in the song!

Imma give it a 7/10 as it is. It has a lot of potential though.

C4C? Defining a Heavenly Body in my sig
#16
Quote by slayerfrk
is that why you edited the post?

Yes. Exactly. You caught me. I tried to make you look like a liar.

No, it seriously was there from the start. I always check, and I always download the posted file to make sure it was done correctly.

EDIT: Still running into dead ends with the song... >_>
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Aug 5, 2010,