#1
This is the first time I have tried to write lyrics. Please feel free to critique and help me out with areas I should improve. I am not completely finished, this is what I have so far.


Who are you to choose,
You’ve got everything to lose,
You say life passes me by,
Well why don’t you give my life a try

Don’t judge me, you ****ing liar
You make my mind plot and conspire
Starting to lose my grip on reality
Look in the mirror, what’s this insanity

Day-in, day-out, you look down upon me
Atop your throne you live blindly
When all you can see is the material
You void all meaning in your world of the ethereal
#2
i like the ending part. the rest just looks too emo or poppy or something, and if thats the kind of music you play, whatever, your choice, but im just saying it looks so generic ya know? unoriginal or something. just yelling at an ex and pretty obvious.
but ya know most of what ive written is the same, its more important to properly express yourself than to write lyrics that other lyricists approve of, and if you have emotion you gotta get out, best thing to do is write it down, as lyrics or whatever.
#3
Quote by TMVATDI
i like the ending part. the rest just looks too emo or poppy or something, and if thats the kind of music you play, whatever, your choice, but im just saying it looks so generic ya know? unoriginal or something. just yelling at an ex and pretty obvious.
but ya know most of what ive written is the same, its more important to properly express yourself than to write lyrics that other lyricists approve of, and if you have emotion you gotta get out, best thing to do is write it down, as lyrics or whatever.

It sounds more rap to me. I agree with the rest of this post. It all about wording. If youre rapping this is fine, if not try get creative with it.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#4
Quote by Blackwaterson89
It sounds more rap to me. I agree with the rest of this post. It all about wording. If youre rapping this is fine, if not try get creative with it.

oh now that u mention it it does look rappish. ew.
#5
I agree with you guys now that you mention it that it sounds like a rap. I am very glad you guys said something because that is definitely not what I am going for. I have begun to rework the lyrics and I would like to know what you guys think of my revised second stanza.

Initially:

Don’t judge me, you ****ing liar
You make my mind plot and conspire
Starting to lose my grip on reality
Look in the mirror, what’s this insanity


New version:

Ill-conceived was your will to kill, pounds the judgment hammer
Assembled and strong stand those you’ve hurt, with the will of those who have fallen
Try to hang on as reality fades, your predecessors pull me under
Insanity welcoming, beckoning to me as the light above grows dimmer


Personally, I am pretty happy with how this stanza turned out. I think it has much more energy than my first attempt. What do you guys think?
#6
good for an amateur. need a better construction
I own a 2007 Fender Stratocaster Mexico, 2 Cort Acoustics and an Epiphone SG
#7
Can you clarify a bit what you mean by a better construction. If you are referring to what I have in my op that is not final. I am still changing what I have a lot.
#8
Okay, so I have changed them again quite a bit. I still am not sure if I want to add a few more verses. What do you guys think?

Day-in and day-out, you look down from your throne
Every verdict you reach another death grows among us
Your court full of plague, the aisles lined with bones
This genocide you get away with while others take in stride


Why do others thoughtlessly agree
Atop your throne you live blindly
When all you can see is the material
You void all meaning in your world of the ethereal


Well-deserved the will to kill, you pound the judgment hammer
Assembled and strong stand those you’ve hurt, with the will of those who have fallen
Try to hang on as reality fades, your predecessors pull me under
Insanity welcoming, beckoning to me as the light above grows dimmer


Why do others thoughtlessly agree
Atop your throne you live blindly
When all you can see is the material
You void all meaning in your world of the ethereal
#9
Is this a rap or like screamo or something because those lines are hella long to sing with a melody
Live Guitars and Amps:
Gibson Les Paul Custom
Gibson Es-335
Fender Telecaster
Matchless Dc-30
Vox AC30H2
Pedals:
Boss Tuner
Keeley Compressor
Kelley Katana
Ibanez Ts-9
Fulltone OCD
Ernieball Volume Jr.
Boss DD-20