#1
Three years have passed
Since I went back
To search again…
No scratch of fame,
Nothing to name
It’s all the same…

It’s like my life’s been left behind…
But I just can't move on…
I can’t even try…

I’m just making this more difficult
I’m blaming you, but it’s my fault…
Everyday is just a replay
Everyday is just a replay…

I feel like I’ve been replaced,
I think I’m going to waste…
My own mistake…
I gotta win you all back
To get us back on track
Cause I can’t lose you…

It’s like my life’s been left behind…
But I just can't move on…
I can’t even try…

I’m just making this more difficult
I’m blaming you, but it’s my fault…
Everyday is just a replay
Everyday is just a replay…

========================

This is one of the first songs I've written and actually completed with music and all.
It's about proving that everyday will always be the same, unless you do something about it. Because I had this experience before with my friends, and wrote about it.

But anyways, does anybody have any opinions on it? If I should improve it somehow?
Should I carry on songwriting? Or is it that bad that I should just stop all together :P
#3
Haha no way?
My band always cover Freebird :P
I guess we should try it with those lyrics xD

Thanks for the comment
#5
Quote by Chaingarden
It's not especially awful or anything, it's just that there are so many clichés. Literally almost every line is a cliché. It just makes me think "these same words have been said in this order so many times. Why do it again?"

Thanks for the comment
What exactly do you mean by every line being a cliche exactly?
I'm still looking to improve on the song, so any advice or constructive criticism would be great.

Oh by the way, I've written it in the song layout, which explains the songs repetitivity, i.e, the 3rd and 4th paragraph is the pre-chorus and chorus, which is repeated after another verse.
#6
Quote by SuperNova1993
Thanks for the comment
What exactly do you mean by every line being a cliche exactly?
I'm still looking to improve on the song, so any advice or constructive criticism would be great.

Oh by the way, I've written it in the song layout, which explains the songs repetitivity, i.e, the 3rd and 4th paragraph is the pre-chorus and chorus, which is repeated after another verse.


For example. This part.

I feel like I’ve been replaced,
I think I’m going to waste…
My own mistake…
I gotta win you all back
To get us back on track
Cause I can’t lose you…

The whole, losing a girl (your fault) and winning her back. It's been sung about many times before, and will continue to be.

Just the way you've written it, doesn't seem very unique.
Last edited by Vectra at Jul 31, 2010,
#7
Quote by SuperNova1993

It’s all the same…
It’s like my life’s been left behind…
But I just can't move on…
I can’t even try…
I’m just making this more difficult
I’m blaming you, but it’s my fault…
I think I’m going to waste…
My own mistake…
I gotta win you all back
To get us back on track
Cause I can’t lose you…


These are all extremely well-worn phrases. A good exercise would be to replace every line that has a commonly used phrase, and come up with something that, well, isn't commonly used.
#8
Haha, I forgot to mention that I'm a girl :P
But, that part of the song is about my friends in general, not a girl, or boy :P
But I see your point looking back at it

I'll try and give it a go tomorrow if I'm not doing anything

Thanks again