#1
Another one of my songs. Critique would be great. Thanks!


I hope that you'll stay
'Cause im waiting for the day that i'll see you

In a wasteland of affection
These counterfeit hearts come take me away

These months seem like years
But i still cant find the right words to say


Im sadly and uncontrollably breaking down
These constant and neverending tears
Still won't pass the time


When sadness pushes closer to you
It becomes an addiction

I know that it's hard
But something inside just can't be contained

And i hope we'll stay strong
'Cause this distance is much more than i can take


Im sadly and uncontrollably breaking down
These constant and neverending tears
Still won't pass the time
#2
I really like this.

The song portrays a strong sense of being trapped inside your own dark world with the line "wasteland of affection" showing the contrast between a positive feeling (affection)and the emotional "wasteland" it causes. The line about sadness becoming an addiction rings very true.
The only weak point I can think of right now is the first line of the chorus doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest of the song though that might just be how I'm reading it.

If you have the time could you please review my song here
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1345522
Quote by Next Hendrix
Walk in on your wife with another man.
Kill them both.
Go to prison in Louisiana.
Have conversation with the Devil.
Instant harmonica asskickery.
#3
Thanks man! i appreciate it. and the whole chorus kinda goes with its own little melody, so it fits in pretty good. but yeah, it might seem kinda weird when you only read it.