#1
This is my revised version of this song. Let meh know what you think, if you would.

Starlit Serenade

She sold her love with the slice of a blade
Without a thought, a second look
Destroyed herself for mental numbness
Hidden from pain by the blood within her

Chorus:
She won’t look back
To see what she’s done
Soaked in deceit
Unable to let go
Of the hands helping her
Pulling her below

She sold her heart to the one with the blade
Without remorse, no self reproach
Mindless still, the perfect slave
Unaware of those around her

She won’t look back
To see what she’s done
Soaked in deceit
Unable to let go
Of the hands helping her
Pulling her below

She sang from her heart a serenade
Under starlit skies, engulfed in dark
Revealed herself to find the one
To guide her through the black parade
Quote by diofan88
You already have an alcohol problem: The problem being, you lack alcohol

Quote by laid-to-waste
no, this is the first time i've ever rubbed another man's nipple in a jacuzzi

it was horrible
#2
Nice. I like the way that until the last verse the poem is almost completely dark and then you manage to bring in a bit of hope. You've used imagery very effectively and I think the loose rhyming scheme works really well.
Quote by Next Hendrix
Walk in on your wife with another man.
Kill them both.
Go to prison in Louisiana.
Have conversation with the Devil.
Instant harmonica asskickery.