#1
Please don't leave me here,
I need to escape from this fear.
Just help me to get away,
And don't force me to stay.

Don't think I'l get used to this place
I'll survive while I remember your face
Things are all weird, I don't know whats going on
No matter how hard I try, I can't belong

Life itself will never stop
It's an ever ticking clock
Here the hands they move so slow
It's screwing me up, it's starting to show.

oooohwoaaah, it's starting to show.

I'm breaking out, I'm hearing your voice.
But now is not the time to rejoice
Their dragging me back into their hell
Into the place I'll forever dwell

Things are all weird, I don't know whats going on
But I have no choice but to try to belong
I think I'm getting used to this place
I think I've forgotten your face

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Any constructive criticism or just your own opinions would be great.
Also I'd be interested to hear a couple of other peoples interpretations of the meaning behind the song and after hearing a few ideas I'll say what it means to me.
Thanks for reading.
Quote by Next Hendrix
Walk in on your wife with another man.
Kill them both.
Go to prison in Louisiana.
Have conversation with the Devil.
Instant harmonica asskickery.
#2
Dude. Good stuff. I could put some tunes to this. To me, the only thing I can think about is an asylum.

'I think I'm getting used to this place
I think I've forgotten your face'

Best line in here. Check out mine if you get a chance. 'Starlit Serenade'.
Quote by diofan88
You already have an alcohol problem: The problem being, you lack alcohol

Quote by laid-to-waste
no, this is the first time i've ever rubbed another man's nipple in a jacuzzi

it was horrible
#4
I loved the lines
"I think I'm getting used to this place
I think I've forgotten your face"

I'd like to hear some music put to this, this is quite good. I would also agree with Strieth about the rhyming, but looking back at the song of mine you just critiqued, I really have no room to talk lol.
"Love everything. Know nothing."

"What do you mean 'do you even know how to play bongo drums?'?! Do I not have hands?! And pot?!"
#5
i like this, its pretty good.

one thing though, is that it seems like you are too focused on rhyming, and its altering your writing in a way that maybe you dont want.
still, its an overall good piece. its open to interperatation, which is key to a good song.

so, maybe a little less rhyming, but good job man
#6
Thanks a lot everyone. I know the rhyming was a bit too prominent but I wrote it a while ago when I'd just started writing lyrics. Heres a link to a recording of the song I did with my old band though I'm thinking of re-interpreting it with my new band and doing it a bit differently because I think it has more potential than this version shows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVckqK9uHEY.
Quote by Next Hendrix
Walk in on your wife with another man.
Kill them both.
Go to prison in Louisiana.
Have conversation with the Devil.
Instant harmonica asskickery.
#7
Your old drummer needs to kick it down a couple of notches on this song, but other than that, it was good. Like everyone else said, the rhymes were a little bit too forced.