#1
strapped to one thousand
blue bullunes,
sailing me,
sailer you,
a vessel,
near a bluer moon-
whiter confetti decorates my
hull and
bow,
i am a boy,
afraid and
alone-
hello.
#2
I hope this un-commented piece (until now) becomes WotW. This had beautiful flow and the one word lines were pulled off excellently (something I've never been great it). Even "bullunes" was brilliant.
#3
Its good but not great. It sounds more like a poem than a song. There is only one part to it, no chorus. Its one verse. Build more onto this and then it will be alot better.
#5
AHHH! Lol I was under the impression it was a song... now I feel like a dick. Well its a great poem.
#6
Quote by rushmore
thank you mutmoo (Mike), appreciated that a lot.

stubbs, it is a poem and not a song, but thanks for the words.

name has been inserted
#7
this poem makes my heart feel lighter.
you have a dreamlike style that's almost theraputic.
#8
that^

boyish charm captured in rhymes that feel timid and bold at the same time. no one does it better.

your pacing is always really great too. punctuation and the pause before hello was perfect. almost felt monumental.


i smiled and then you
smiled back.

is the greatest linebreak of the 21st century.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Aug 7, 2010,