#1
Close the doors and open the windows
Filtering thoughts so only few remain
Can I direct your gaze from the landscapes
Try to see the shadows and tell me where you stand

False teeth spread the lines throughout
Making people remain stupid but proud
False lashes keep the eyes averted
But once you flip the switch then it's started

Run run run far away
Close your eyes and just slip away
Just go to sleep
Just go to sleep
Oh, what will we do now

Thoughs beliefs dreams and hopes
Floating in styx, a paddle without a boat
The ocean's drawing closer, but we can't swim
There's no middle ground cause the lights don't dim

Run run run far away
Close your eyes and just slip away
Just go to sleep
Just go to sleep
Oh, what will we do now

The shots ring out and the thunder rolls
Sparks fly and the light grows cold
We try to sail to the lotus islands
But the people just turn their backs and stare

Are you bleeding, does your head hurt
Just pass it on, we've other things to do
Don't listen to the screaming fist and trigger
That isn't the way, we'll not go

Run run run far away
Close your eyes and just slip away
Just go to sleep
Just go to sleep
Oh, what will we do now

Running so far away
Will it work or will we fall
It's our only action now
The only hope conceived
We could always go to sleep

Music wise: Again, simlar to Cage the Elephant, the Arctic monkeys, that sorta stuff. I'm also trying to break away from always using conventional ABAB rhyme patterns.

As per usual, c4c
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.
Last edited by guitarlord28 at Aug 3, 2010,
#2
I like some of the metaphors you had in there, very nice. keep it up. cheers mate
Quote by herby190
When I saw that, I thought of musical notes.... my elementary school teachers taught them as "tee-tees" "ta-tas" and a bunch of other nonsense....
#3
First of all thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I think punctuaction would help this piece out for sure. Also I like how you're trying to break away from the ABAB rhyme scheme. Anyways, I liked this and would love to hear it put to music.