#1
I walk right, you say I'm wrong
You yell at me a turn me left

I don't purposefully do things wrong
You just always think your right

But now I'm doing things my way
You're not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me

There not gonna change me
I wont let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please.

I'm gonna skip class
If i want to.
I'm gonna run away
If I want to.
But if you yell at me for it,
I'll yell straight back

Because I'm tired of all this fighting,
And I'm tired of all this arguing,
And I'm tired of all this wasted time.

Cause now I'm doing things my way
Your not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me

Their not gonna change me
I won't let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please
Because I'm doing things my way

#2
It seems punk-ish but the only line i would change would be the "I don't give a crap if they catch me" part. Sounds kinda like one of those bratty "punk" bands.
#3
Quote by St. Jimmy609
It seems punk-ish but the only line i would change would be the "I don't give a crap if they catch me" part. Sounds kinda like one of those bratty "punk" bands.

Ok I see what your saying. btw. I love your name. Green Day was one of the artist who inspired to start song writing
#4
Haha, I was gonna point out the bratty nature of the song, then I realized it was a punk song xD

Anyway, I agree on the "I don't give a crap if they catch me" thing, you might want to change that. Also, you may want to consider leaving out the part about not wanting to argue or fight, since that's what punk is all about =P All in all I think they're some pretty good punk lyrics, I'd like to hear the song when it's done
#5
Quote by guitarchick678
I walk right, you say I'm wrong
You yell at me a turn me left
^I like this part of the verse, the whole play on words for right/wrong, right/left. Is 'a' supposed to be 'and'?
I don't purposefully do things wrong
You just always think your right
^I'd highly suggest changing "You just always think you're right" to something else; it just sounds VEEEERY cliche for a punk song haha
But now I'm doing things my way
You're not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me
^I like this, but I'm confused as to who "they" are and what you're doing that if you don't care if you're caught?
There not gonna change me
I wont let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please.
^Good prechorus; I like the rhyme within the last line (scream, please).
I'm gonna skip class
If i want to.
I'm gonna run away
If I want to.
But if you yell at me for it,
I'll yell straight back
^So here's where the main point of your song is established; now the first verse makes more sense to me haha. I can't really think of anything to change here, but I'd say the last line "I'll yell straight back" ends the chorus(?) on a weak note. I'd consider changing it.
Because I'm tired of all this fighting,
And I'm tired of all this arguing,
And I'm tired of all this wasted time.
I think the repetition of "I'm tired" is good here. Don't change it, imo.
Cause now I'm doing things my way
Your not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me
I don't think I've ever seen an entire part of a verse repeated, but alright haha
Their not gonna change me
I won't let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please
Because I'm doing things my way



All-in-all, I think it was pretty good for a punk song, even though I found it sorta vague. I don't get much into punk rock, though, so please don't take my crit at face value haha. I hope you're able to take my suggestions and make something from 'em =D

-sleepofangels64
Gear:
Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Ibanez TB100H
Peavey 5150 4x12 Cabinet
MXR M-108 10-Band Graphic EQ
Hardwire TL-2 Metal Distortion
Boss NS-2 Noise Suppressor

My band, Rest Your Case:
facebook.com/restyourcase
#6
Nice job with this one. I'd change the "don't give a crap" bit to something a bit more aggressive - less whiny 12 year old, more don't f*ck with me. Other than that, nice job and I got where you were coming from with it.


C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24909275
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#7
I walk right, you say I'm wrong
You yell at me a turn me left

I don't purposefully do things wrong
You just always think your right

The way the 3rd and 4th lines are written is kind of funky. It's kind of like saying,

'I don't mean to do the wrong thing
But you just think it's the wrong thing.'

Kind of expresses a feeling of guilt or responsibility, while also saying that the other person is wrong to assign you any responsibility or guilt.



But now I'm doing things my way
You're not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me

Vague. Again, here you're kind of implying that you're doing wrong. Why would anyone want to catch you of you're doing right? Acknowledging guilt without remorse, kind of weird.


There not gonna change me
I wont let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please.

I'm gonna skip class
If i want to.
I'm gonna run away
If I want to.
But if you yell at me for it,
I'll yell straight back

This whole time you're building it up as if there is something bad that other people don't accept about you, and it's just cutting class? Kind of a let down here. Also, it's impossibly childish. If you yell at me for it, I'll yell straight back. Your grand crime is running away from school? Anyways, I understand if It's autobiographical I suppose.

Because I'm tired of all this fighting,
And I'm tired of all this arguing,
And I'm tired of all this wasted time.

It's unreasonable to think you can cut class and have people not give a shit. This particular part makes the piece feel very childish.

Cause now I'm doing things my way
Your not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me

Their not gonna change me
I won't let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please
Because I'm doing things my way

The entire thing you switch between thinking you're guilty of something to thinking the other party is wrong about the guilt they've assigned you.

Overall, I guess it wasn't that bad. I hate most punk, especially childish 'rebel against the teachers and ur mom lawl' punk. It didn't work for me at all, but it's just an opinion, and I sincerely hope you continue writing.
Last edited by SunsetAlphabet at Aug 5, 2010,
#8
Quote by guitarchick678
Ok I see what your saying. btw. I love your name. Green Day was one of the artist who inspired to start song writing


I really like the song, it seems kind of like something I would have wrote. And thank you! Green Day is one of my favorite bands, they inspired me to start playing guitar and song writing
#9
Quote by SunsetAlphabet
I walk right, you say I'm wrong
You yell at me a turn me left

I don't purposefully do things wrong
You just always think your right

The way the 3rd and 4th lines are written is kind of funky. It's kind of like saying,

'I don't mean to do the wrong thing
But you just think it's the wrong thing.'

Kind of expresses a feeling of guilt or responsibility, while also saying that the other person is wrong to assign you any responsibility or guilt.



But now I'm doing things my way
You're not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me

Vague. Again, here you're kind of implying that you're doing wrong. Why would anyone want to catch you of you're doing right? Acknowledging guilt without remorse, kind of weird.


There not gonna change me
I wont let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please.

I'm gonna skip class
If i want to.
I'm gonna run away
If I want to.
But if you yell at me for it,
I'll yell straight back

This whole time you're building it up as if there is something bad that other people don't accept about you, and it's just cutting class? Kind of a let down here. Also, it's impossibly childish. If you yell at me for it, I'll yell straight back. Your grand crime is running away from school? Anyways, I understand if It's autobiographical I suppose.

Because I'm tired of all this fighting,
And I'm tired of all this arguing,
And I'm tired of all this wasted time.

It's unreasonable to think you can cut class and have people not give a @#!*% . This particular part makes the piece feel very childish.

Cause now I'm doing things my way
Your not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me

Their not gonna change me
I won't let them
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please
Because I'm doing things my way

The entire thing you switch between thinking you're guilty of something to thinking the other party is wrong about the guilt they've assigned you.

Overall, I guess it wasn't that bad. I hate most punk, especially childish 'rebel against the teachers and ur mom lawl' punk. It didn't work for me at all, but it's just an opinion, and I sincerely hope you continue writing.


Thanks for the critique! I Wrote this song when I was truly just really angry at my parents for whatever reason I can't even remember. I didn't care if any of it rhymed or anything and when i think about it it is kind of childish. But I believe my writing style has improved since then. I wrote it about a year ago. It was kind of just pouring out all my mixed feelings about my parents in a song.
#10
Quote by sleepofangels64
All-in-all, I think it was pretty good for a punk song, even though I found it sorta vague. I don't get much into punk rock, though, so please don't take my crit at face value haha. I hope you're able to take my suggestions and make something from 'em =D

-sleepofangels64


Thanks for the critique! I had to revise this many times because it was it little to descriptive and personal. Like there waz a part talking about my parents not wanting me to wear black nail polish and so forth and so on so I think I might have stripped it of some of the descriptivness just because I thought it was getting to personal and I wanted it to apply to all of the teens who wanted to kind of maybe rebel against there parents. But of course this was writen about a year ago and I think I've calmed down a bit. haha.
#11
I walk right, you say I'm wrong
You yell at me a turn me walk left

I don't purposefully do things wrong I diliberately try to do the right
You just always think your right But then you tell me it's all wrong
Really these ideas are just my ramblings, you don't have to listen to them. But what does sound cool, is if you were to find a way to incorperate the two meanings of right (right-left right-wrong) in a way that would make you sound like the one always choosing the right

But now I'm doing things my way
You're not gonna stop me
I don't give a crap if they catch me Really this would sound best if you were to include some sort of imagry instead of these last two lines

There not gonna change me
I wont let them Whom are they?
I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll do whatever I please. Good line

I'm gonna skip class (If i want to. )
I'm gonna run away (If I want to. )
But if you yell at me for it,
I'll yell straight back These last two lines don't seem thought out at all. It sounds like you REALLY were trying too hard. You could probably do good to rewrite

Because I'm tired of all this fighting,
And I'm tired of all this arguing,
And I'm tired of all this wasted time.
Good

Overall it sounded kind of like a teenage bratty *****. Really I'm not much into that genre so I have no idea where you really plan on going with this, so don't take everything I say for too much credit at all. And I think it doesn't sound all that bad as it is Keep on Writing
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
: