#1
Small Man Reflex
Molly

I swore I'd never go so far,
I swore I would never;
oh god, what an awful taste,
oh god, oh how awful.

Was I being sincere,
I don't remember;
oh god, what a dreadful waste,
oh god, oh how dreadful.

Did I build this house out of charm,
or did I just blow on the embers;
oh god, what a sinful fate,
oh god, oh how sinful.

How could I have ever known,
that I'd regret this forever;
oh god, what a beautiful taste,
oh god, oh how beautiful.

18 days is all it takes to choke out the life,
of every single dream, of every single
18 days is all it takes for you to separate wrong from right,
and my every breath is

Wasted, fated,
better off erased.
oh god, what an awful taste,
oh god, oh how awful.

Would you ever guess,
that you made me believe in fate.
oh god, what a dreadful waste,
oh god, oh how dreadful.

How dare you judge,
who gave you the right to hate;
oh god, what a sinful fate,
oh god, oh how sinful.

But who can I blame,
when I look at your face;
oh god, what a beautiful taste,
oh god, oh how beautiful.

18 days is all it takes to choke out the life,
of every single dream, of every single
18 days is all it takes for you to separate wrong from right,
and my every breath is wrong.

If lust is the answer,
then time is the question.
If lust is the answer,
then time is the question.

If lust is the answer,
then time is the question;
if you're keeping score,
then I'm through with guessing.

If lust is the answer,
then time is the question,
and I'm choking now,
on your favorite weapon.

If lust is the answer,
then time is the question;
lust is the answer,
oh lust is the answer.

18 days is all it takes to choke out the life,
of every single dream, of every single
18 days is all it takes for you to separate wrong from right,
and my every breath is wrong.
Last edited by herby190 at Aug 11, 2010,
#2
I've told you this more than once and i'd tell you a million more times: You're an amazing writer.
#3
haha,, good stuff,,i feel where your coming from,, who was she and what did she do to you? thaat would make things a littlee more clear,,,,,,,,,,,,id love to hear the actuall song if youve got a link?
#4
Quote by GoodVibrations
I've told you this more than once and i'd tell you a million more times: You're an amazing writer.
Not always; don't even begin to believe that I haven't had my fair share of failures... I just never show them to you.

Quote by brandon muir
haha,, good stuff,,i feel where your coming from,, who was she and what did she do to you? thaat would make things a littlee more clear,,,,,,,,,,,,id love to hear the actuall song if youve got a link?
It's actually more complicated than that; however, I tried to make it sound like it was simply a girl problem, because that is what people would most easily relate to.

Anyways, I don't have music for this one yet, but I'm actually thinking something in 3/4; that's the feel I had in my head when I wrote it.
#6
This is... interesting. I really liked the first stanza, because it seemed we were about to hear about some awful happenings, but for the most part you stay very vague and never describe what has actually happened or what is happening. I think, if I were you, I would think about what made you write this poem, and start from there. You must have thought about an event, or had something happen to you, that made you write this, but the writing is very distanced from the actual world of events and whatever inspired all of this.

Let me know if you have questions.

Best,

Jordan
#7
I'm mostly not very into repetition, unless it has a (deeper) purpose, It's just not what I do when I write, you know?
anyway, I like the feeling of the poem, I related to it quite easily, ad that's what a song needs right?
Overall nice piece