#1
the car slept through a storm to keep the wise awake,
the car slept for years

and as the sky grows green again
it starts to rain then
you, dampening, run in to a fire
with a basket of flowers
you picked in the fields
behind where i made you a house
no concrete or lights or perpetual downtowns
no books but those we wrote ourselves
in the dark woods on a mountain
where montana was crying
her soul cramped her wind swept
her plains were still shortening,
the cool air, you were full of it,
we danced through the brunt of it,
and the record player spun new york and chicago and the san fran of it
well maybe love cant be dead if you remember it
like gehrig knocking in the big man
himself
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#3
hello there, nice to see you around here. you're at a point (well, have been) where everything you write is very, very good. don't take comfort in that though, keep pushing yourself.

loved the piece.
#4
oh, jimi. I've taken a seasonlong break from poetry, and this was a lovely reintroduction - written like a lovenote that encompasses the whole available world, bending the sky like one of those black paperclips with the takeoffable levers. open it, and let montana cry. this reminds me of a personal utopia - they're not always happy, you know? like the title suggests, murderer's row is home for some. the kitchen for others, garbage dumps for others. understanding is sometimes harder to come by than forgiveness, and virtually always more difficult to give. I get this in my way, seeing myself under that cavernous night sky, surrounded by scribbled words and raindrops (they don't get along, apparently), but _____ won't get it like that, but that's okay, because flow is universal. imagery transcends the arbitrary lines we map our world with. this poem is the world I wish I was a part of. and what more can you accomplish with writing?
#5
thanks guys really. ill be around to comment and such. for my last one too. trying to avoid being a let down in the cfc category.

and oh sean i found myself leaning towards this screen reading that. i find, (or more it finds me) such a wave of joy from your stories that live in your words. its inspirational how much you feel what you read. here it makes me feel accomplished and humbled.

strange how the mind moves like the road


this was kind of a on the spot response to (or at least it was inspired to the tune of) nicks last one which i saw you read too.

now ive got to try to sleep although ive got some thoughts i may or may not want to keep. ive also got a bottle of melatonin so maybe thatll help.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#7
this is lovely. I'll have something better to say later, stickied for now
Quote by Arthur Curry
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minterman22
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#8
I love this, especially from "the cool air" on to the end. I love me some baseball references, and yours here is perfect, the Americana of it. Reading this actually made me happier, somehow, more optimistic. One of the best pieces I've read in a long time.

One quibble: the part
you, dampening, run in to a fire
with a basket of flowers
you picked in the fields
behind where i made you a house
seems poorly written in comparison to the rest of it. The diction feels kind of childish, too sing-songy, and doesn't really fit in with the maturity of the piece as a whole. I would suggest changing those lines there, or at least the way you say them.

All in all, though, this was marvelous. I have mentally added you to my 'favorite writers in S&L' list.

kill all humans
#10
Incredible stuff man. All the americana literary devices you so skillfully utilise make me sorry i live in a country where any local references come of as twee patriotism.