#1
Sooo this a song wrote, called "Sunshine", i've just been looking for some criticisms from some people who aren't either related to me or friends of mine... So here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCYuOJumByM

Lyrics:

Hey there sunshine, why are you fading.
Away when i'd do anything just to make you stay.
The nights are so cold and filled with fear.
They all leave me wishing, wishing you here.
I know things are darkest before you reappear.
But when you're ready i'll be right here.

(Chorus)
So wrap your arms around me and take away my fear.
Cause when your light shines down on me, that all disappears.
So chase away the night, we don't need it here.
You know i'll wait here through it all for you to reappear.

I'm sitting here alone, in the dark.
Waiting for something, just to make a spark.
Thinking of something, that'll make it all right.
Dreaming of your beauty dreaming of your light.
Waiting for you to shine down on me.
So that maybe this blind man can see.

(Chorus)

Hey there sunshine, i'm wondering if you see.
All your beauty and all you mean to me.
Please don't go, you're the only thing that's right.
And i dunno, if i can make it through another night.

(Chorus)
#2
OK, before I get to the song I just have to say that an out-of-tune guitar like that doesn't make it any easier to perform.

The song is simple and the kind of thing a thousand guys (and girls) have written in their bedrooms, myself included. The vocal delivery tells me that you're not singing much and it hurts the melody; it sounds a bit like you're not quite sure where it's supposed to go at times. The lyrics are pretty standard fare (I personally consider myself the third worst lyric writer in the World, just after Ace Frehley so I know whereof I speak) but I think you have a problem with the number of syllables not quite matching up to the melody. You can hear it mostly in the second verse.

My guess is you're not yet very adept at playing guitar, and if you are you're not used to playing and singing at the same time and that's what accounts for some of the hesitant feel of this. (Or maybe you just recorded this and didn't want someone in the next room to hear...)

Overall I think this is a tune, and certainly a recording, you'll look back on with a mix of wry amusement and nostalgia in a few years when you've written a few more songs. Trust me on this, I have a lot of "skeletons" in my closet.
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