#1
thought

i saw wooden teeth inside
the smile of a blue
whale,
and she was much
prettier than
you.


thunk

you held my hand as if
it were a lightening bolt,
a warm cannonball,
an empty salt shaker,
a cold kitten;
as we neared my
apartment i walked the
stairs without saying goodbye or
hello (in case it was opposite day) and
watched storms approach on the
weather station until they were actually
happening.
#2
you're beautiful.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
"i walked the
stairs without saying goodbye or
hello (in case it was opposite day)"

this is one of the most beautiful lines i've ever read.
#4
I didn't like the parentheses '(in case it was opposite day)'.
i like these images a lot. very nice.
#7
The description of the hand holding and the goodbye (hello) was just awesome. Didn't care much for the beginning. It wasn't the kind of metaphor that Fits the rest, but oh well. Nicely done.
#9
Quote by hippieboy444
I didn't like the parentheses '(in case it was opposite day)'.
i like these images a lot. very nice.
I think I agree. It might grow on me, but on immediate reaction, it wasn't great.

The rest was really awesome.
#10
apartment i walked the
stairs without saying goodbye or
hello (in case it was opposite day) and Just omit
watched storms approach on the
weather station until they were actually
happening.


Just a couple omits and other than that I think this wasn't too bad. Very good imagry Keep on Writing
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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#12
This is the kind of peice that is either going to be one giant mess of metaphors that dont work, or its going to be an absolutely beautiful, thought provoking, well written poem.

With every bone in my body I say that your peice falls into the latter category.

Your thought process is just amazing and the way you translate it into words is just so...distinct and appears well thought out even if the stanza is short and succinct.

This was a real treat to read, fantastic job!

If you get a second, id really appreciate a c4c. links in the sig, thanks!
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#13
My guess would be ur aiming for metalcore.. if not, u shld be, cus this wld ne a nice addition to the genre, and its similiar in the way its written.. both thumbs up lol