#1
So..I wrote some lyrics the other day. And I feel like I haven't done that for a while. Here it is. I felt kinda angry I guess. I was thinking this would be a really heavy/mentally kinda song. But that was just a thought (: Oh, yea. it has no name yet.

Sooo..plz crit it (: Thankss!



Look inside my brain
They won't jsut go away
My heart's on fire
**** this discharging rage

Hey listen, can you hear them speaking?

It's like an excorcism's taking place
Like nothing can set you free
Your skin must be pealing off
Or let your eyes burn and bleed

Hey listen, can you hear them..
Hey listen, can you hear them speaking?

Let it burn under my skin
Let the words melt within
I can't be controlled anymore
I think I've lost my mind!

One more click, and I can't think
Do you even know this feeling?
Now don't be stupid, don't test this game
Unless you wanna see me criminally insane

They show me no mercy; no not at all
Making me sleep with my eyes open
Someone's after me untill I fall
Now I'm wondering and I'll ask you once more;
Listen, can you hear them..
Hey listen, can you hear them screaming!

Let it burn under my skin
Let the words melt within
I can't be controlled
I think I've lost my mind

Now you're all alone
What ya gonna do
You are in the dark

Get the hell out of my head

Did the wrong thing
Does it burn yet?
You are weak now

Get the hell out of my head

...You can never take it back

Let it burn under my skin
Let the words melt within
I can't be controlled
No question; I've lost my mind

Can you hear them speak (We are not alone)
Can you hear them scream (Yes, the voices roam)
Can you hear them crawl (Just beneath it all)
Can you see me fall.
#2
i like it! especially the chorus and the ending verse(if thats wat its called.... i have no technical knowledge in song writing -_- ) not much of a critic so i wont suggest any changes or anything so overall a great job!!
#3
Nice song n concept
Really loved n can relate to the lines below in my own way....

One more click, and I can't think
Do you even know this feeling?
Now don't be stupid, don't test this game
Unless you wanna see me criminally insane

They show me no mercy; no not at all
Making me sleep with my eyes open
Someone's after me untill I fall
Now I'm wondering and I'll ask you once more;
Listen, can you hear them..
Hey listen, can you hear them screaming!

Let it burn under my skin
Let the words melt within

Lookin forward 2 more work from u!
Check out my other lyrics?wud appriciate some advice...
#4
I enjoyed the majority of it, you can definately feel the tension of the lyrics. The only thing I didn't like was how you switched back and forth from rhyming schemes and patterns. Then again some music isn't dependent on that. I'll do a proper review when I get to a real computer.
#7
Woah I did not know chicks could write such good lyrics :P nah just jokin. These lyrics are really great, I really think so. What you need to do know is put some music to those lyrics, take my advice and do that before your mind moves on to other things. Also keep writing lyrics, you have real talent in your writing. Very well done
WTMOTHERF! Make me a cow plz!