#1
This got pumped out after months of not being able to get anything down. Has metal elements, of course. Technical and slightly progressive, but still bears structure in a way. Main influences are Dream Theater, Between the Buried and Me, The Dillinger Escape Plan, yada yada, just so you know what to expect.

As far as feel goes, the song is all over the place. It's tailored to lyrics, so I can't change much as far as structure goes.

So yeah, enjoy, should it be your kind of music.

If you've got GP5, keep the drums MIDI, and the rest to RSE. If you're using MIDI for everything, just turn the guitar and bass tracks up please.

C4C, per usual. I'll do my best to answer back.
Attachments:
New Prog.zip
adsawd.zip
Last edited by dervishguitar at Aug 9, 2010,
#2
Wow, well writing a crit for this might be tough, the song was extremely long and there's a lot to say.

Overall, I really enjoyed the song, I really got that Between the Buried and Me feel of it, it was definitely a great tackle at a death metal genre.

Intro was nicely done, verses were really nicely done, got a bit repetitive at times. Especially the overall just 4 verses, by the fourth one I got kinda tired of the same kinda style.

The bass interlude was amazing, probably one of my favorite part. I loved the brass section. It had a really interesting creepy tone, sounds something that you'd hear in j-rock. It really helped keep the song interesting and kept me listening.

I wasn't too much of a fan on the preverse and the breakdown after that. Overall I'm not that much of a fan of breakdowns at all. So it could be just me.

Verse 7 and 8 got a bit repetitive, might be a bit less repetitive if you didn't use so much of that same kind of, sound and style in earlier verses so much. Like how I said by the 4th verse I got tired, maybe if you lowered that, verses 7 and 8 might be a bit less repetitive.

Breakdown was, well. Just in my opinion I've never been too much of a fan of breakdowns, but one was alright, the lead notes kept it kinda interesting. Lyrics might help this too.

The transition to instrumental could of been done better. I liked the idea of this. Might be a bit more interesting with some strings, maybe a bass guitar. Try adding some bass notes, and maybe some cello and violin, or just a string ensemble. As I've found with writing songs, going into the extreme sometimes sounds awesome.

A-F was pretty interesting. I loved the cuts of the clean guitar. Very BTBAM-like. Maybe try doing some slap bass in those parts too. Could sound awesome.

H-I, I liked the kinda fast, then really fast transitions you had in there.

J had some really interesting riffs.

Verse 9 was interesting, sounded like it needed a bit more umfh at parts. Like it just needed to be more hard hitting.

The epic ending was nice. I thought it could be a bit more epic with some strings or aah's.

Overall, the song was great. Very BTBAM sounding. Overall I thought it was extremely good and very impressive. And I didn't mention it because I had no complaints, the drums were fantastic. I loved the crazy style of them; having no structure at parts.

Great work!

C4C
#3
Nine minutes is a fairly standard song length for me. xD I should have specified.

I'm working stuff in over the transition into the instrumental and the instrumental section itself. I'm really not sure how to change the parts you've asked me to. With the lyrics, they sit well, and the lyrics kind of need to be repeated for song structure I've chosen.

Breakdowns are fillers. I don't like them either, to be quite honest, but my drummer enjoys them. No one likes a selfish musician!

I'll post another version when I finish your tweaks I guess, but I'd still like a crit or two more on the original.

New band, newest song. It has to be right. xD
#4
Critting now.

Intro: Nice chord choice here and the lead fits nicely. Maybe some variations on the bass could spice it up a bit.

Tempo Change: Love the drum fills in this part.

Verse 1: The change in tempo works well as a transition to this part, reminds me a lot of BTBAM.

Verse 2: Loved the alternating between 4/4 and 6/8 and the bass.

Verse 3: Pretty bad ass riff here. Not much else to say.

Verse 4: Loved this riff, has a very chaotic feel to it.

Bass Interlude: Probably the highlight of the song for me. The brass here was just perfect and I loved the fast triplet snare rolls.

Verse 6: Pretty good breakdown only part I didn't really like was the harmony at bar 131 I think it could have just moved on the next part at that point.

Verse 7: I liked the harmony at 147, I think it would work better if it went straight into the harmony though and skipped the first playing of the riff.

Breakdown: I don't usually like breakdowns but I liked your choice of chords and the leads.

Instrumental Section: Loved the guitar in this part but I really think it could benefit from some bass going on in there.

A: The transition felt a bit strange to me, it sort of felt like there should be riff before that to help build to that point better.

B: Leads were pretty good here.

C: This lick sounds really good on the jazz guitar, nice transition.

D/E: Nice alternating of time signatures.

F: I liked the transition to this part and when you repeated the riff from section C.

G: Didn't really like this part so much. The transition seemed a bit off.

H: Cool spastic riffing again.

J: I enjoyed the riff at 267 with the sweeps but I think you could have missed the repeating of the sections before that.

Verse 9: Awesome riff, liking the bends.

Drum Solo: Would love to see this played on a real kit and it works great as a transition.

Epic Ending: Sweet leads and chords again, definitely has an epic feeling maybe a fade out the end could help finish it off.

Overall I'd give it a 8/10. All the parts were well written but at times it felt a bit drawn out. Still great work though.
#5
Hey man, I really like it, it's got a fantastic BTBAM vibe to it. I'd be really interested in perhaps collaborating on some GP projects, I write a lot of simple stuff in terms of length / complexity. Check out Kasak in my sig if you wanna hear.

Some specific notes/comments:

Structurally it's a little.. hmm, what's the word, obtuse. It's good, don't get me wrong at all, but perhaps some more clearly defined sectionality wouldn't go amiss.

I love the Bass Interlude, that's a really nice example of a specific piece of sectionality, and the way out of it into Verse 5 fits really well too.

The breakdown section's a little formulaic -- doesn't quite fit as well with the rest, at least in my opinion. I'd maybe alter the rhythm here and there, or do something else. Also the jump into the instrumental section following it is really sudden and, I think, not too good.

Introduction of the snare in bar 217 is nice, I'd put some of the snares on off-beats, spice it up a bit.

231, Section D? Awesome. Really, truly, I love it. Bar 239 may be unnecessary, another cut to that riff from bar 229.

249 -- sick

The little fits of blasting in the drum solo i'm not at all keen on, I'd replace those with something else. Again, just my thoughts

Ending, really nice, mellows it out.

These are all minor things, I really love the piece in all, and give me a message or something if you like Kasak and maybe would think about putting some of this stuff together collaboratively.
#6
Updates are up (as the gibberish, sorry, too lazy).

As far as the drum solo goes, that's my drummers doing. He belted it out, and noted it for me. He's on vacation at the moment, so I can't really bug him to change shit up. But I'll let him know about the blast. I agree, they're a bit of a nuisance. It's a phase. xD

Hopefully there's more power in it. I didn't touch the outro because as its marker implies, something more epic will be thought up with omer. xD But other parts are touched up and I added lyrics for you guys as well. Incomplete, but there. There's more lyrics, but I'd rather not reveal everything. It's not notated. *lower octave, lower screams. upper octave, higher screams.

Enjoy (hopefully). Still C4C.
#7
Alright, sorry I really didn't have the time to look deep into the song, but as far as the updates from what I saw, I really liked it. I thought the interlude was nice, percussion was great on that part. Overall it was good. The only thing that concerned me was the Aah's, they were good, maybe they'd sound better out of MIDI, I know MIDI Aah's and Ooh's sound pretty bad. But try playing notes rather than chords on the Aah track, maybe use some fade in's and outs. Just make the Aah track a bit less basic with all the whole and quarter notes. Y'know what I mean?

Other than that, I'm sorry, long day with barely any sleep. So I didn't pick much else up aside from what I already said. But it's a great track there. I think it was more of my own personal taste last time that I was focusing too much on when I showed any bit of not liking the song. Looking at it from a perspective of a BTBAM fan, or an overall fan of that kind of death genre, it's a phenomenal track.

Great work, as I've said before. Also did you try the slap bass? I didn't find it in your song, but try it. Just do some low and high hits on the bass, it's all it really takes. Just go to the extreme, usually you'll get a great sound.

Good luck with the band.