#1
Love is a Powerful Thing

I recently wrote this as a song but it didn't work very well, so i'm just gonna leave it as a poem.


One day we start talkin.
You ask these questions like...

Has love found you?
Why don’t you love somebody?

My heart drops into my feet.
I realize something,
and I tell you the answer...

Yeah, love found me.
Love took me half-way to Ohio.
Love was all I had,
then one day,
Love turned on me,
Love kicked my ass out of the car,
Told me I should walk the rest of the way.
I was completely ready to take that long walk.
But she wasn’t ready to wait for me.
Too long.

I’ll never forget.
It’s amazing what love can do.
Love makes you happy,
For the moment,
Nothing else matters.
Love can take that all away,
Love can leave you hopeless,
Grasping for air.

Love won’t let me live.
Love won’t let me forget her.
Love won’t let me feel the same,
about someone else.
I’ll never forget.
Love is a powerful thing.

so what do you think?
Last edited by Caboose911 at Aug 13, 2010,
#3
im not good with poems so dont take my comment seriously. ok so i liked it but i think if its a poem it should rhyme(gosh i hav posted this crit to almost every1) and i too liked the love found me part keep it up!!
#4
Quote by leafwhisperer
im not good with poems so dont take my comment seriously. ok so i liked it but i think if its a poem it should rhyme(gosh i hav posted this crit to almost every1) and i too liked the love found me part keep it up!!


yea, i know it should rhyme a little more, but its just a start i guess ill work at it. thanks for the crit!
#5
The only thing i would change would be
"Love kicked my ass out of the car,
Told me I should walk the rest of the way.
I was completely ready to take that long walk.
But she wasn’t ready to wait for me.
Too long."

I'd get rid of the "for me." It would just flow a little better, and the "wait" and "way" would kind of rhyme.

Other than that, i like it.
#7
Quote by GoodVibrations
The only thing i would change would be
"Love kicked my ass out of the car,
Told me I should walk the rest of the way.
I was completely ready to take that long walk.
But she wasn’t ready to wait for me.
Too long."

I'd get rid of the "for me." It would just flow a little better, and the "wait" and "way" would kind of rhyme.

Other than that, i like it.


Quote by guitarlord28
I liked it a lot. My only problem was the flow of the lines. And don't worry about the not rhyming, I like it. If you just tinker with the rhythm of the poem, it'll be even better.


thanks fellas! its much appreciated. yea i will C4C.

and thanks for the suggestions! yes, i still need to work on the rhythm quite a bit but hopefully i will get it soon!

thanks maybe you could look at my other pieces? check my sig?
#8
Very nice Caboose!

The first long stanze really spoke to me, and I think it was excellently written. The flow was a bit off, but honestly, I'll say that the words make up for it.

Very, very nice!
#10
I agree the "Ya love found me" part was excellent. Altogether it was pretty good. Nothing very bad jumps out at me. nice work
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