#1
So I posted this a few days ago but since then I drastically changed it. Tell me what you think.


19 days go by

Without so much a word from you

Living down beachside

Pursuing your dream to


You come down to see me

Yet I won't be there

I'm not waiting

Any longer, just to hear from you


I'll move on

With no problems

I'll be sad

But just for a while


You come down to see me

Yet I won't be there

I'm not waiting \

Any longer, just to hear from you


So would you please listen

To the words I said

Just please listen

To the words I've spoken


When you come down

I won't be there

Cause I'm not waiting

Any longer, just to hear from you


I miss you, I love you

But what am I putting myself through

All this stress

I can't take it, much longer


So I'm leaving

Leaving from here

I'm sorry is what

I'm trying to say
#2
Hey man, I'll be totally honest with you:

I wasn't impressed until the very last part. It's like the whole song is kind of a jumbled mess of thoughts (in a good way) and then the last part really gives it some character. "I'm sorry is what I'm trying to say" is such a simple line, but really brings it to life.

Not bad, write some music for it and I'll see you in recordings and riffs!
#3
Yea like I wasn't trying for it to be one of those songs where you have to wait till the end for it all to be tied together, but its how it turned out.
#5
crazy I will for sure be recording this along with so many other songs soon.
#7
It sounds pretty good caboose when its played, I think I might change the end around a bit to flow better but it will be the same idea, just different wording.

I just have to find someone who is better at playing piano than me to record the piano sections of the song.
#9
I like the fact that it doesn't all rhyme. Kinda different eh? (: Well these are very nice lyrics. But the last part, i feel like is just too..simple. It's kinda like you put it, just to end it in a way? idk.. but overall i really like these lyrics and i hope you're gonna add music and vocals and all. I'd love to hear the outcome (: Very nice job!

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1348545
#10
Quote by leafwhisperer
hey dont change the last four lines i reaally like them!! if you want to flow them you can try replacing the words 'from here' to 'away' like this

So I'm leaving
Leaving away
I'm sorry is what
I'm trying to say

the rest is good!! hope they'll be even more brilliant with the music!!
my songs??

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1347768



Yea that does sound better.

And yea I am going to probably end up playing it all on piano and a little guitar segment.