#1
He came back like an echo that’s faded,
repeating soft words that she used to know,
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.

Should she leave this place where she has waited?
Or listen to him, and not ever go?
He came back like an echo that’s faded.

His promise has no comfort when stated,
where only silence guides the way sounds flow
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.

Though not the image that he created,
she let him fill the empty space and so
he came back like an echo that’s faded.

At times she forgot how understated
was the death of the one and true Echo
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.

If he fails her again, she’ll be fated
never to live as long as his winds blow;
he came back like an echo that’s faded
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.
This is not a pipe
#2
He came back like an echo that’s faded,
I love how cynical this reads. It starts romantically, then fades away into allusive cynicism and charisma. It's a really simple way to open, but it's awesome. It definitely sets a tone that isn't to be tampered with. Although 'you're' supple and torn, 'you're' wonderful to look at and fear.
repeating soft words that she used to know,
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.
I had the idea of Lord of the Rings here, with the ears that turn upwards or something like that. The rhyme was nice.


Should she leave this place where she has waited?
Or listen to him, and not ever go?
I like the pause here; it's very clever and fluid. It takes a couple of reads to really get into, but that's something I've learned to love and appreciate about your writing, and to expect. Same goes for Jamie and others.
He came back like an echo that’s faded.

His promise has no comfort when stated,
where only silence guides the way sounds flow
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.
Again, great lyrical writing.

Though not the image that he created,
she let him fill the empty space and so
he came back like an echo that’s faded.
I really am loving where this is going; the repetition of the 'echo' line, and how each time it alters a little and becomes less and less passionate and more and more broken. You know, I begin understand why you did what you did more as it goes, which is fantastic. The words "empty space" could mean anything; and that deceptiveness makes for a read that is both calming, delicate and dangerous. However, I'm not too keen on the flow of the second line. It doesn't quite have the pinache that the verse had prior to this.

At times she forgot how understated
was the death of the one and true Echo
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.
The thoughts are changing again, but the 'echo' is still lingering. That's awesome. I don't know why you wrote it as "was the death", when you could of wrote it as, "the death was". But I'm sure you have your reasons.

If he fails her again, she’ll be fated
never to live as long as his winds blow;
he came back like an echo that’s faded
to her ears that have long turned as jaded.
This is just a perfect way to end a fluid, calming, but angry and willful piece.

Sorry I don't have anything else to add other than that. This was a very striking read, emotionally. It wasn't striking lyrically or poeticall, but it had a lot of energy.
#4
Second stanza, didn't like where the A line was required, because the first two lines were just that good. But everything else, fluid and serene. Blown away.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
i liked this mostly. the language/imagery was less than completely captivating, but it got the point across well enough. however, it's extremely well-executed within the confines of a villanelle, and i admire this a lot for that alone.