#1
This is a song I wrote a few months ago and I'm currently in the process of home recording it but due to my band being down to just 2 members that could take a while. Any constructive criticism would be great.


Your closest friend disagrees with your favourite choice
He becomes more while your losing your voice
And slowly as you become less like you
You replace all the fifty chances he blew

I've known him for years but I knew you before
But you won't shed any tears when we're at war
And I don't really care what happens anymore
Because your not like the person I new before

I disagree with your worst choice
He always shouts while you lose your voice
And slowly as you become more like him
The space between fills up with sin

I've known him for years but I knew you before
But you won't shed any tears when we're at war
And I don't really care what happens anymore
Because your not like the person I new before

But it can't be long till the final straw
And when it comes don't give him any more
Remember what happened every time before

You regret your favourite choice
The times come to find that sweet voice
And slowly become more like you
And finally talk to those you once knew
Quote by Next Hendrix
Walk in on your wife with another man.
Kill them both.
Go to prison in Louisiana.
Have conversation with the Devil.
Instant harmonica asskickery.
#2
I like it, would be nice to know what kinda music would be behind it though
R.I.P Dimebag Darrell

F**k It dude....Let's go Bowling
#3
This is really good.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#5
Suggestions and Comments
Omit or Replacements
Suggested Changes


Your closest friend disagrees with your favourite choice
He becomes more while your losing your voice Slowly you're getting a smaller voice
And slowly as you become less like you He's now growing bigger than before
You replace all the fifty chances he blew Now it's turning into war

I've known him for years but and I knew you before
But you won't shed any tears when we're at war
And I don't really care what happens anymore
Because your not like the person I new before

I disagree with your worst bad choice
He's always shoutsing while you lose your voice
And slowly as you become more like him All your fear is coming from him
The space between fills up with sin Now, your all full of sin

But it can't be long till the final straw
And when it comes don't give him any more
Remember what happened every time before

You regret your favourite first choice
The times come to find that sweet voice
And slowly become more like you And remember how to be you
And finally talk to those you once knew

Well, I'm sorry but I didn't think this was all that great. It's a cliche story told a generic way. But if you like the generic pop music, go ahead and keep it but I think you need to get out and think of something new and unique Keep on Writing
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
#6
hey this is pretty cool. i like the message and the way you start and finish the chorus lines with the word "before" the repition kinda snags me. only suggestion i could think of is fill some of the sentances with more syllables so they flow smoother. but honestly. that is all totally dependable on how you sing it. the way you sing this might make it sounds perfect. haha but thats all i could think of coming from someone who could just read it and not hear it.

"Your closest friend disagrees with your favourite choice
He becomes more while your losing your voice"
btw i like this line.
#7
Thanks for the criticism.
24WildRovers the song is a bit of a cliche I'll admit but it happened to me and being able to relate to music is always good. I'll take your advice into account on future songs but the singers just learnt these lyrics so I'm not going to change them at the moment.
dyllpickle94 there's a link an earlier post above if you want to hear it
Quote by Next Hendrix
Walk in on your wife with another man.
Kill them both.
Go to prison in Louisiana.
Have conversation with the Devil.
Instant harmonica asskickery.
#8
Your closest friend disagrees with your favourite choice
He becomes more while you begin to lose your voice
And slowly as you become less like you
You replace all the fifty chances he blew

But it can't be long until the final straw
Until it finally ends, rather than another draw
And when it comes don't give him any more
Remember what happened every time before

You regret your favourite choice
The times come to find that sweet voice
And slowly become more like you
And finally talk to those you once knew


The first and last stanzas are great. I love them. Suggestions are in bold
Last edited by Tag43 at Aug 13, 2010,