#1
I used to be a bit of a regular here, but over the last few months, I've not had much stuff up. I've been playing around with different genres and such, and this is something I'm working on right now.

The layout probably could use a little work. But overall, I'm pretty happy. I just think it could use extending a little.

C4C can be done, just leave a link so I can get back to you quicker.

EDIT - UPDATED THE FILE!
Attachments:
Weird Thingy.zip
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Last edited by Carl6661 at Aug 12, 2010,
#3
Ohh, I know the song you mean, yeah. If anything, I think the intro needs shortening a bit, I do like it, but it does drag on a bit to me.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#4
i'd call it neoclassical metal, bearing in mind that the "classical" part, in this context, means modern/avant-garde western symphonic music
Quote by mr.happyman
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#5
Quote by jeowy
i'd call it neoclassical metal, bearing in mind that the "classical" part, in this context, means modern/avant-garde western symphonic music


Advant Garde did cross my mind, but I wasn't sure. Thanks for clearing that up a little.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#6
the intro. It makes me lol That's pretty much straight up Carnival music. I just keep imagining clowns and stuff during it. Awesome.

I LOVE what you do afterwards though. The vocal line reminds me a lot of Periphery's vocal lines with the way it works. Everything else is awesome. It all flows wonderfully. I really have no complaints... well, I have one, but it's not really a complaint.

The only thing that bothers me is the first chord of the chorus. It just seems too "happy" for the rest of the song. Other than that, the entire chorus reminds me a lot of Takayoshi Ohmura. It's very nice.

As for what I would do after, a ring out then a fade in with typical Carl6661 clean guitar interlude (but make it dark) + drums and then bring the bass in and then a solo.

I'm excited for the end result. Only things that bother me is the first chord in the chorus and the complete distance that the intro has from everything else Brilliant.

If you're ok C4Cin' then "Defining a Heavenly Body" in my sig.
#7
Quote by DiminishedFifth
The only thing that bothers me is the first chord of the chorus. It just seems too "happy" for the rest of the song. Other than that, the entire chorus reminds me a lot of Takayoshi Ohmura. It's very nice.


I had noticed that about that C chord a bit. I wasn't sure if it was something that might not be so noticeable in a recording or not. I mean, standard MIDI instruments can make anything sound cheesey and ridiculous. I'lll have a play around anyway.

EDIT - I just changed it to a Cm, it does sound a fair bit better like that. I have no idea why I didn't think to try that sooner.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Last edited by Carl6661 at Aug 9, 2010,
#8
i wish technical metal bands did stuff like this rather than re-using the same old tried and tested baroque/classical boring standard metal structure
Quote by mr.happyman
so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r, she pulled her hand outta nowhere and sandpapered my mini mr.happyman!
#9
Quote by Carl6661
I had noticed that about that C chord a bit. I wasn't sure if it was something that might not be so noticeable in a recording or not. I mean, standard MIDI instruments can make anything sound cheesey and ridiculous. I'lll have a play around anyway.

EDIT - I just changed it to a Cm, it does sound a fair bit better like that. I have no idea why I didn't think to try that sooner.


There's nothing wrong with it. The chorus section provides a nice change of texture. While I love the verses the chorus fits very well into the song as well. Can't really give a lot of critique now but I can say I think it's very good. The only "complaint" I have is that the bassoon is supposedly a vocal track. IMO it sounds just super played by a bassoon; I think vocals would ruin this.
#10
Quote by Sóknardalr
There's nothing wrong with it. The chorus section provides a nice change of texture. While I love the verses the chorus fits very well into the song as well. Can't really give a lot of critique now but I can say I think it's very good. The only "complaint" I have is that the bassoon is supposedly a vocal track. IMO it sounds just super played by a bassoon; I think vocals would ruin this.


I have no idea, in ways, the C major is good, in other ways, I'm not sure on it. The same goes for changing that to a Cm. I'll have a play around, or even if it comes to it, flip a coin to decide
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#11
Intro - Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha =D

Band In - Still hilarious, but it might have dragged on a bit too long

Verse - Good

Break - Bassoon sounds awkward as vocals here, I felt; nice part

Verse 2 - Again, good

Chorus - Love 61-62

Bridge - Could do something else with the guitar, it sounds a bit repetitive

Verse 3 - Again, good

Break - Good part

Chorus - Aww, it ended before the epic solo!

Fun stuff, I'd definitely like to hear the full thing. Could you check out Mediterranean Sun? Kinda similar to what you have going here.. except not carnival-y. Or bassoon-y.
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
#12
Quote by Wquennasar
Break - Bassoon sounds awkward as vocals here, I felt; nice part


I know what you mean with the break. I'm hoping that's just Guitar Pro's fault, and that it would sound/flow better in an actual recording.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#13
Well you've gone insane, that's for sure. But I like what I hear. It's sounding like a very well rounded song considering it's not finished, vocal line is great. I'm very impressed. I'd like to hear it finished and recorded.
I think it sounds like a sort of more experimental and avant-garde fightstar/avenged sevenfold song. The vocal line sounds very much like the sort of thing charlie simpson would come up with, especially the 3rd and (my four key is broken)th bars of the chorus, but they also have a strong m shadows feel to them as well.
The drums seem very Jimmy influenced to me.
The carnival intro is amazing, I think you just get away with the length of it because the drums freshen it up when they come in.
All the guitar parts are good, and i love the time sig changes, they work very well and don't seem forced. The tritone chords are well used too.
I'm not sure where to go next, clean interlude was a good suggestion. You could have some sort of manic groovey tritone based breakdown akin to the Arusha Accord or Architects, i think that might fit well. And a slow sombre solo would fit in nicely as well i think. It's up to you, this has a lot of potential though and i trust you to get the best out of this.
Really impressed with how it's sounding so far though!
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Colossus
#14
Quote by frankibo
Well you've gone insane, that's for sure. But I like what I hear. It's sounding like a very well rounded song considering it's not finished, vocal line is great. I'm very impressed. I'd like to hear it finished and recorded.
I think it sounds like a sort of more experimental and avant-garde fightstar/avenged sevenfold song. The vocal line sounds very much like the sort of thing charlie simpson would come up with, especially the 3rd and (my four key is broken)th bars of the chorus, but they also have a strong m shadows feel to them as well.
The drums seem very Jimmy influenced to me.
The carnival intro is amazing, I think you just get away with the length of it because the drums freshen it up when they come in.
All the guitar parts are good, and i love the time sig changes, they work very well and don't seem forced. The tritone chords are well used too.
I'm not sure where to go next, clean interlude was a good suggestion. You could have some sort of manic groovey tritone based breakdown akin to the Arusha Accord or Architects, i think that might fit well. And a slow sombre solo would fit in nicely as well i think. It's up to you, this has a lot of potential though and i trust you to get the best out of this.
Really impressed with how it's sounding so far though!


Why thankyou, kind Sir.

I have extended it a little since I posted this. With any luck, it'll get finished fairly soon (Next few days perhaps ) so I can update this, then get onto recording it. Although I have no idea how I'll get some of those high-notes, assuming I get around to doing the vocals (Which is something I tell myself I WILL do with every song I write, then I just end up forgetting about it).
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#15
Just updating the file now.

It's mostly done, although some bits do need work. I also think I should extend it a little somehow, but saying that, I like how it draws to end now. So I might try and find a place I could slot a bit more in.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#16
Well I can safely say i love every bit you've added. It's definitely gained an even stronger avenged sevenfold vibe without being unoriginal, you've created possibly your best song.
When Solo 2 came in I thought to myself " I recognise this from somewhere else" and then i realised it was just the vocal line. That's right, your vocal line is so catchy it's already stuck deep down in my head.
The solos were good, the breakdown bit was excellent and the tempo change part was amazing too. The vocal line continued to be superb and the screaming part fitted perfectly, I can just imagine you screaming over that. The time signatures continued to flow naturally as wel. To be honest I'm running out of superlatives.

My only criticism is that the transition into the first solo is strange. I can't put my finger on what it is but something about it was a bit unnatural.
Give that section a look over (unless you disagree and think it was fine) and then make sure your happy with it. The record this and do the damn vocals! With a bit of practice you'll get the high notes. I'm willing to pay you to make sure you get this done!
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
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Colossus
#17
I know what you mean about that transition actually , although I didn't bother changing much to make it sound right in Guitar Pro. I'll demo the song out and see how it all sounds, and then if it still needs changing, it'll get changed.

I will do my best to get this done, I am quite proud of this.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#18
Not a real crit, but while listening I noticed that the chorus sounds so brit-pop, I could actually imagine Oasis playing this! very nice!
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#20
First thing I can say, I like it, I love the chorus, it sounds like somthing from pinkly smoothly, of avenged sevenfold. Sounds like avant garde or whatever thats called. Real catchy chorus, crazy ass solo, very unique. The pianos are good. A lot of time signature changing. like how it starts from circus to crazy circus shit. I got no complaints really. I really enjoyed it, I reall did, beautiful ending. Solos awesome. I give it a 9/10. Im a big fan of a7x so this sounded like the revs ideas of songs. which is badass.
Avenged Sevenfold Fan, proud of it.
#21
If you do get around to recording this and you want an actual bass recording rather then RSE and maybe even an extra voice for the gang vocal part then let me know (I could definitely do the bass part, not so sure about vocal but I could give it a go if you wanted).
Anyway, just an idea.
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Colossus
#23
Just listened to the updated version... great job! It REEKS of A7X, namely "A Little Piece of Heaven".

My only real complaint is the transition to Solo 2 is a bit forced. I think you could have gone the other route and turned this into an epic with ">:[". Give it a nice groove and add some clean guitar and you'll get a REALLY nice dark sound. That was where I was hoping you would go with it.

Great job, as expected.

PS. I played around with the transition a bit, and if you repeat the whole piano part once before the guitar comes in, it's a bit smoother.
#24
Quote by frankibo
If you do get around to recording this and you want an actual bass recording rather then RSE and maybe even an extra voice for the gang vocal part then let me know (I could definitely do the bass part, not so sure about vocal but I could give it a go if you wanted).
Anyway, just an idea.


That might be quite useful actually. Although in saying that, I could just record the bass part at college. But if I can't get that done soon for whatever reason, I'll mention it to ya'. Gang Vocals don't really have to be well-sung, so again, that could prove to be quite useful. I'll see what happens once I have everything finalized and ready to record properly.

Quote by DiminishedFifth
My only real complaint is the transition to Solo 2 is a bit forced. I think you could have gone the other route and turned this into an epic with ">:[". Give it a nice groove and add some clean guitar and you'll get a REALLY nice dark sound. That was where I was hoping you would go with it.

PS. I played around with the transition a bit, and if you repeat the whole piano part once before the guitar comes in, it's a bit smoother.


That's an idea, I was looking to extend this a bit. I'm sure I could work some of those ideas in.

I'll play around with what you said on that transition aswell.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#25
Quote by Carl6661
That might be quite useful actually. Although in saying that, I could just record the bass part at college. But if I can't get that done soon for whatever reason, I'll mention it to ya'. Gang Vocals don't really have to be well-sung, so again, that could prove to be quite useful. I'll see what happens once I have everything finalized and ready to record properly.


Well I'm here for you if you need me
My songs are all located here .
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Colossus
#26
Im not really one for critting songs...but that was pretty sick. Im probably the only one feeling this but at parts IM feelin a bit of X Japan...its probably just me though
#27
Quote by YoungViking
Im not really one for critting songs...but that was pretty sick. Im probably the only one feeling this but at parts IM feelin a bit of X Japan...its probably just me though


I've never heard of them. But hey! If you liked this piece of music, then what you think it sounds like really dosen't bother me.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#28
I like the Used so don't take this wrong, but with the vocal melody it sound like progressive The Used. The newer stuff of their's I've listened to had lots of orchestral elements and such.
Very awesome, I think the intro would serve as a good live show thing, it doesn't really tie into the song. Have you ever considered writing jingles for tv? The intro would be perfect.

Very umm, original sounding in a familiar genre, or at least to me. Entertaining to listen to.

Epic solo btw, props.

I just posted Empires, if youd give it a once over, thank you.
#29
Quote by Matt Chavie

Very awesome, I think the intro would serve as a good live show thing, it doesn't really tie into the song. Have you ever considered writing jingles for tv? The intro would be perfect.

I just posted Empires, if youd give it a once over, thank you.


That was kind of the idea behind it. It's not meant to tie in to the song that well.
I hadn't considered that. I did write a 15 second theme tune for a mate of mine who did a short animated series once.

I'll give your song a listen now.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#30
Parts of it are very self titled Mr. Bungle. It's great though, hope you get it recorded soon so we can all hear it.

EDIT: Also, I'd like to know what kind of songwriting process you used to write this. What parts came first? What parts got changed? Tell us all about it.
Last edited by knotrice at Sep 27, 2010,
#31
The slightly odd chord changes, and vocal lines that kind of draw attention to them remind me of Porcupine Tree.

I'll do a proper crit later when my brain is functioning properly, that's the thing I really noticed though.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#32
That was seriously fantastic, my only complaint, it needs to be recorded with a real band, real vocals, its amazing.
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#33
wow that is really good stuff. seriously there are some talented people out on these boards that could go a long way into becoming a prof artists. songs like this are on par with stuff BTBAM or DT or Textures or whatever make. now if only you slacky bastards would take the time to actually record these awesome songs i'm getting tired of hearing these silly MIDI bleeps!!
#34
that was great
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