The person's a poor excuse for a musician, they don't practice, they can't play simple chords/rhythm guitar, and it's hard to see how they can honestly take their-self seriously. Is there a better way to say 'Get good, you suck' in order to motivate this sorry excuse for a guitar player to do so?

BUT, I need to do this without hurting the person's feelings and be able to tell them that their level is just not enough, and that they have to actually practice. (this kinda pisses me off because they're frustrated when I critique, as if it's my fault for their bad playing, not to mention the person is getting a new guitar sometime soon)

((Granted, the person is only 13, but they're playing in front of people horribly, and it's making us (a church band) look bad, simple stuff on acoustic guitar, strumming rough and unpleasantly, inability to form chords. ))

This being the musician's talk, I thought as fellow musician's, you all could recommend advice on how to tell other musicians critique, as efficiently as possible (without too much conflict, and restraining from showing inner frustration's regarding their fail-ness)

Smash his guitar over his head, I think he will get the picture :P
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Does the church band have another guitarist available? This would give you A LOT of leverage.

Honestly, I would tell him that he needs to practice or the band isn't going to be able to use him anymore for his "ability". But, I've also told friends they sucked and they should actually put time into things that they want to do.

If not, I'd pull him to the side and say something like "You're not the worst player I've ever heard... but you need to practice. You LIKE playing these songs right? You WANT them to sound good, yes? Then you need to practice. Just like everybody else."
This would probably belong in bandleading, but I'll give you my two cents. I was in that position where I wasn't that good. The band I was in at that time was just getting off the ground, but the others were totally out of my league. They simply told me "you suck, we're better than you, just stay out of our way." that made me want to get better, to prove them wrong. My point being sometimes you might have to be blunt. Say "you're not up to the level we need you to be, work on it." there you go. Use it as you need.

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cool story bra.................somebody doesn't like Christianity, who woulda thought?

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Lol, This is Sig worthy my friend, Kudos to you and your wise-ass-ness
Doing this in a church band is especially hard because of the environment...you're likely to have this kid's parents around on Sundays and that can be a problem if you offend them. But that depends on the parents and some may be perfectly okay with you getting tough on their kid.

Can you have him play a part by himself during practice? If he plays it and fails, tell him that unless he can do better at the next practice, he can't play during the worship service. Honestly, at that age most kids care more about being up there playing and showing off for their friends than they do about leading a worship service, so the threat of not being able to be on stage on Sunday night be a good motivator.
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Tell him how to improve, i.e. what to practice. That's a whole lot more helpful than "yo u not good e nuff". If he's serious about guitar, he'll take the advice and practice.
i don't know why i feel so dry
When I have a musician in a band that really needs some work, often I'll offer to practice with them, just us two alone, working on the songs. Often you'll find that they'll have some questions which are easily solved, just that they were embarrassed to ask infront of the rest of the band.

Other things that can help are recording a practice CD for them to practice to (give it to the whole band, don't just single that person out).

But that's really in cases where I haven't been in charge of recruiting musicians from the start. If I'm in that position I choose musicians who can actually play. But I could see that attitude causing a little trouble in a church band.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
be nice. tell him hes young and inexperienced and needs to practice to get better.
encourage him, ask him if he wants to be in the band and tell him to work. offer to help him.
don't be a jerk, but give him help and guidence.