#1
There's like 10 allusions in here, but you might find some I don't know about. There is no real rhyme scheme, just a guiding thought. Just let me know what you think.


The beating of the heart trembles the streets.
Increasing in volume and strength,
The pitch becomes so shrill only the youth can discern it.
Engulfed in rapture, they march on the castle.
The old, weary and dense from age, cry ignorance,
But see this is an eternal process,
Cold, indifferent, and bold.
And yet the flame grows. The time has come.

All guns aimed at us,
It's only a futile endeavor
We'll bring down the statue and deconstruct it piece by piece.
Tonight we'll pull the rope,
And the crown is on the floor forever.

The camel, the lion, the child,
And although the masses wake up as insects, this is our metamorphosis.
They say we are unwise, that we live in the darkness,
"Come!, Repent! Experience the light!," they exhort.
But the hand of the spirit that taps our shoulder is made of seven colors.

The strings vibrate fanactically,
The noise reaches the apex,
The mushroom cloud arises.
The cloud subsides, and from the spores emerges the new iconoclast.
This day will live in infamy.

There was the past, and now there's us,
The unbreakable singularity is now a dichotomy,
With a plus sign in between.

The fractal has been subverted.
Into the darkness we dance.
Last edited by EnemyWolf at Aug 10, 2010,
#2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3Ep3mxpQwo

Overall kinda cluttered and feels like it has no meaning other than a bunch 5 word sentences that have nothing to do with each other. Not sure how one is supposed to sing this either, and to what, a lot of the sentences don't groove and have too many syllables.
#3
Quote by Ascendant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3Ep3mxpQwo

Overall kinda cluttered and feels like it has no meaning other than a bunch 5 word sentences that have nothing to do with each other. Not sure how one is supposed to sing this either, and to what, a lot of the sentences don't groove and have too many syllables.


not even close, it is you who deserves the

first: there is no restriction on giving a piece the same title as someone else's, especially when the song is coming from a shitty band like Scar Symmetry.

second: not all pieces are written to be sung. please learn a bit about lyrical composition before dismissing something for a stupid reason like "not having enough groove".


to the actual piece, this was very enjoyable; a lot of the lines resonated very well with each other. you also have a good grasp of juxtaposition which i would advise you to play on in the future, which is exemplified in lines like "Cold, indifferent, and bold. " and the recurring theme.

some things seemed unnecessary. the "How is this even happening?" sounded tired and could have been dropped altogether. "The time for the idea has come." was a clumsy sentence which would be fixed by eliminating the words "the idea" completely. the last five lines degenerated into some longish words that didn't mean much (although the very last line was fantastic).

overall, as a piece about what seems to be rebellion, this avoided many well known cliches and managed to maintain my interest for the full length of it, which is rare. keep it up, by any means.
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#4
Quote by RPExecutor
not even close, it is you who deserves the

first: there is no restriction on giving a piece the same title as someone else's, especially when the song is coming from a shitty band like Scar Symmetry.

TL;DR, and this is where I stopped reading for obvious reasons. Grow up. Nobody cares what you think and I didn't even say that there is a restriction, just found it amusing that they had the same name.
#5
Quote by RPExecutor


to the actual piece, this was very enjoyable; a lot of the lines resonated very well with each other. you also have a good grasp of juxtaposition which i would advise you to play on in the future, which is exemplified in lines like "Cold, indifferent, and bold. " and the recurring theme.

some things seemed unnecessary. the "How is this even happening?" sounded tired and could have been dropped altogether. "The time for the idea has come." was a clumsy sentence which would be fixed by eliminating the words "the idea" completely. the last five lines degenerated into some longish words that didn't mean much (although the very last line was fantastic).

overall, as a piece about what seems to be rebellion, this avoided many well known cliches and managed to maintain my interest for the full length of it, which is rare. keep it up, by any means.


Thx for the advice, yea some of those lines were definitely unnecessary. I removed a lot of clutter words. The second to last stanza though is supposed to be about finally throwing off the yoke of Christianity though, which no other generation has been able to do. I don't know if you guys caught that. I didn't really know to express it other than saying that we have been divided into two factions with a plus sign (the cross) in between. Hence, its behind us.
Last edited by EnemyWolf at Aug 10, 2010,