#1
Um. I am just going to post a cluster of songs I have written in this thread, tell me what one you guys like the most.

I am looking for some to just revise a little, just so I have the ones that people will like. The top 2 that people pick I will revise and record.


I wake up in the morning

I try to take a shower

But theres no hot water

So I just water the flowers


I walk outside in the afternoon

I notice the amber water

Flowin down the street

Towards everyone's feet


I lay my head down at night

After a big ass fight

All bruised up inside

I'll just bandage myself up


I walk outside in the morning

I notice the boiling water

Flowin down the street

Towards everyone's feet


People drowning the water

But I start to swim, So I will win

People trying to pull me down

So I won't rise to defeat


I walk outside in the evening

I notice theres no water

Flowin down the street

Towards everyone's feet


Theres no water

Thankfully
#2
I've got this thought

You've got my mind

I try to hide

But you just find

How I abide all my time


I know your mine

You like to cry

Because I am so fine

Sweetness I apply

I like to to try


Everything I say you listen to

I see how you love me so

I see you glisten

When I speak of what we are

And how we love


Made use of

All the fun

And I've got my babe

You've got your hun

We're not afraid


Everything I say you listen to

I see how you love me so

I see you glisten

When I speak of what we are

And how we love
#3
I try so many times to please you

I try so many times to care

Just can't find the strength anymore to

Want you to see all our flaws together

Verse 2
Yet I can't help but stare at the phone

Waiting for your next call

Just want you to know

Your everything I dream for

Chorus

Your all that I want now

Your all that I can't live without

You should come by sometime

So we can be together

Verse 3

I know I need you

To help me through

All thats happened

Throughout this year

Chorus*

Your all that I want now

Your all that I can't live without

You should come by sometime

So we can be together
#4
i like the third the best!! the chorus is very simple and relateable yet still original.

Also,,just to critisize...lol...i noticed you like to blend one complete sentence into your verses as a whole,,it reminds me of like blink or greenday....you should try to make a complete sentence for every fourth of the verse and double the length of your verses, you would have a stronger storyline and a much longer song. rather than repeating verse, chorus,verse,chorus,(whitch is just my guess, feel free to tell me im wrong).

can you comment on my song "breaking you"?
id really appreciate it.