#1
*breath ......................*breath..............................*breath

Door opens.

*breath

Door closes.

*breath...............*breath.......................*breath

You didn't think I could find you, did you?

*breath................*breath......*breath..*breath

You thought that I would just sit and be satisfied.

*breath*breath

Like You have been your entire life.

*breath

Answer Me!

*breath

You thought you had payed enough for what you did!

*breath

"Hysterical laughter."

You are so smug you know that!

*breath....*breath.....................*breath........................*breath

Why did you make me do this?

*footsteps

*breath..................... *breath.............*breath.......................*breath

Why did you turn into a pride thing?

*breath..................*breath....................*breath.............*breath........*breath...*breath

And they all think you are in a coma.

*breath*breath*breath*breath

I will miss our conversations...

*breath*breath*breath..................*breath ...................*breath.......................*exhale
Last edited by dylanfromearth at Aug 11, 2010,
#2
is this a song or a poem? I dont understand,,are you saying "breath" or is it the sound of a breath?
if its the sound,, Excellent work!,,very well written.,,,,,,,,,
At the end there, the line,"i will miss our conversations" does this refer to you pulling the plug? and does conversations mean like,,one way,, no response from the other person?

C4C?...lol,, just realised what C4c means...
#3
Thank you, yes it is the sound of a breath. I was trying to make a dialogue between two charachters that had to be supported by rhythm. I meant the last line to be ironic because of the fact that there isn't much conversation going on. But if you send me some of your work I would definentaly like to critique it.
Last edited by dylanfromearth at Aug 11, 2010,
#5
Its really short but i think it is very good as long as the breathing is just the sound.
I Have Nothing Important to Say.