Page 1 of 2
#3
Quote by fancypants1
Microsoft Word says that 17% of my essays sentences are passive voice. Is this a bad percentage


It's a way of writing. Look up a definition, and you'll see that there's no such thing as a bad percentage of it, unless of course you're not writing in that style.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#4
It depends are the rest of your sentences post-agressive or nero-assertive?
If they are post-agressive you need to change about 52% to bio-allergic sentences to make it good, if they are nero-assertive you should just delete everything and write them micro-passimistic style.
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

Free Will Swanson
#6
Dude, you will fail if submit that!
Marshall amplifiers are the truest purveyors of rock and roll known to man.

"And give a man an amplifier and a synthesizer, and he doesn't become whoever, you know. He doesn't become us."

Holy crap, check this out!
#7
You could always try Pseudo-narrative style.
On playing the Paul Gilbert signature at the guitar store extensively, my missus sighed:
"Put it down now, It's like you love that guitar more than me!"
In Which I replied.
"Well it has got two F-Holes!"
#10
Quote by fancypants1
O cut the bull i've been writing since 11 PM I don't fail


You've been writing since you're 11 yet you ask for help on the pit?
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

Free Will Swanson
#13
Quote by fancypants1
O cut the bull i've been writing since 11 PM I don't fail


Well this time, mate, you're going to, since you're using a staggering 9.8% more passive structures than is ordinarily recommended.
#14
Quote by fancypants1
Microsoft Word is full of shiat


No, that's your essay it's full of.

Actually, same thing different.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#20
The domestication of food over time was an unnatural process accomplished by humans. The technology of farming is very new "in the grand scheme of human existence...domesticated crops―are very recent inventions"(page 3). While creating a new crop, farmers would look for plants with desired characteristics and plant the seeds from them to create a second plant with the same genes as the first. Furthermore, farmers would hand-select the animals and breed the notably larger animals together. Both of these tasks resulted in improved crops and livestock for farmers. The choice to start farming was a very bad decision for humankind. If you hunted and gathered you would "...work two days a week and have five-day weekends"(page 17). This sounds much easier than being a farmer since the farmer's work "is less productive when measured by the amount of food produced per hour of labor"(page 17). Farmers had higher risks of diseases and infections than the hunters and gatherers. The author shows that when the hunters and gatherers started harvesting and designing their own food, diseases, and infections appeared more frequently. These diseases were seen rarely in hunters and gatherers. They were caused by vitamin deficiency (rickets, scurvy, anemia, leprosy, etc). According to the author, the "Bushmen eat around seventy-five different types of wild plants"(page 17) while the farmers were only having "... a few staple crops"(page 17). The author shows that while the humans are farming, the bushmen are treating themselves with a well-balanced diet that helps fight off diseases and infections. Overtime food domestication has been an unnatural and possibly life threatening task completed almost entirely by humans.
Since the creation of farming, people have constantly been split into different social groups. The social groups based around the origin of farming were very closely related to food and wealth. The more food you had, the more wealth and power you acquired. Food could be used as money. Farmers used food in many situations but it worked as well as cash does today. The higher-ranked citizens that owned land could rent land out to farmers. It could be "rented to farmers in return for a share of their harvest"(page 50). The author states that "competition for agricultural land led to warfare between communities in areas where land was environmentally circumscribed"(page 43). The author shows how the shortage of fertile land can direct farmers to certain places to get their food. For example, in Peru, "Seventy-eight Rivers run from the Andes Mountains to the coast through fifty miles of extremely dry desert"(page 43). With the limitations given agriculture is only possible near the riverbanks. Everywhere else, the land is all very dry deserts.
Importing and exporting spices has not always been a simple task. Spices used to be expensive and had many different stories backing their prices. For example, cinnamon's stories involved being attacked by bats and baiting birds with dead oxen. The spices were sold along the Silk Road and three cities located in India (Barygaza, Barbarikon, and Welcynda). On the Silk Road spices were sold and exchanged with many different things such as "New inventions, languages, artistic styles, social customs, and religious beliefs, as well as physical goods"(page 75). Each of the cities in India had its own specialty. For example, Barygaza specialized in "long pepper, ivory, silk, and a local form of myrrh"(page 70). Boats from Alexandria came to all three of these cities to buy the high price spices. Romans paid for spices with "fered wine, copper, tin, lead, glass, and red coral...But mostly the Roman traders had to pay for spices with gold and silver"(page 71). The author talks about spices "motivating European explorers to seek direct access to the Indies"(page 67). The quest for spices led to the discovering of the Americas by mistake.
As wood prices shot up more farms sprung up in Britain. Wood prices shot up because "areas that had previously provided firewood were cleared to make way for farming"(page 131). Once Britain made the switch from wood to coal the first steam engine was invented. The steam-powered engine was used to pump water out of the coalmines. The steam engine was "very inefficient...they were powered by coal...in a coal mine the fuel was, in effect, free"(page 133). James Watt's steam engine design "completed in 1775, was much more efficient, and was also better suited to driving machinery"(page 133). This steam engine design led to a steam powered "mule" or cotton spinner that created yarn. All of the goods Britain created during their Industrial Revolution were traded for food. They were mainly traded for sugar but the goods could also get exotic fruits such as a pineapple for King Charles II. The pineapple was a sign of power in Britain because nobody there had seen one before. The king "cut the fruit up himself and offered pieces of it from his own plate"(page 108).
Food is the most powerful weapon "in the history of warfare"(page 145). The control of food supply can determine the success of an army. In the fourth century B.C. Alexander the Great created "the fastest, lightest, and most agile force of its day"(page 146). He created an army that used "Families, servants, and other followers, who sometimes equaled the soldiers in number"(page 146). This meant fewer pack animals, less pack animals means less fodder. Alexander's mastery of logistics "enabled him to mount one of the longest and most successful military campaigns in history"(page 146). Another instance of food controlling warfare would be during the Revolutionary War. The British had a clear advantage because they were "the greatest military and naval power of its day"(page 148). Nevertheless, it makes supplying an army of thousands harder when they are "some three thousand miles away"(page 149). Most of Britain's soldiers "lacked experience in foraging"(page 150) so all of Britain's food was coming from ships which clearly is not the most brilliant option. Food was also involved in the fight over Berlin. The Soviets began "interfering with the delivery of food and other supplies to the city, interrupting road, rail, and barge traffic"(page 172). Berlin had "enough food for thirty-six days, and enough coal for forty-five days"(page 173).The highest ranked military officer in Germany "proposed his plan for an armed road convoy"(page 173) but was overturned twice. An alternate method was suggested and that was to fly over the blockade. Food was delivered to Berlin "for fifteen months, during which some 2.3 million tons of supplies were delivered in more than 275,000 flights"(page 176). This all shows that when food is present the army with food is usually victorious.
#21
Yeah, basically, your problem is that you're using the passive too much.

And some other things too.
Last edited by webbtje at Aug 11, 2010,
#22
someone tl;dr up this bitch.
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

Free Will Swanson
#29
I don't think you know the difference between a passive sentence an an active sentence.
#32
Okay so you've left it too late to do an essay, you come here asking "What do I do about this?". You get told "You need to change it, too much passive!" and now you're complaining that you left it too late? What do you want? A miracle? We are talking about an essay here, not magnets.
#33
Look, I've deleted my post to confuse everyone. Where is your god now? In other news, if you think the difference between passive and active is the number of verbs used in a sentence, you're a bit wrong.
#35
[quote="'-[NiL"]-']Lucky.

Microsoft Word says I'm a babykiller.
Interesting.

My Google account says i've got zero friends.
And since Google knows everything, i believe it.
Squier "VMC" Stratocaster
PRS SE Singlecut
tc electronic polytune
CMAT MODS Signa Drive
Blakemore Effects Deus Ex Machina
DIY gaussmarkov Dr. Boogey
EHX Small Clone
Mooer ShimVerb
DIY Beavis Devolt
T-REX Fuel Tank Chameleon
Ampeg GVT52-112
#36
Quote by fancypants1
The domestication of food over time was an unnatural process accomplished by humans. The technology of farming is very new "in the grand scheme of human existence...domesticated crops―are very recent inventions"(page 3). While creating a new crop, farmers would look for plants with desired characteristics and plant the seeds from them to create a second plant with the same genes as the first. Furthermore, farmers would hand-select the animals and breed the notably larger animals together. Both of these tasks resulted in improved crops and livestock for farmers. The choice to start farming was a very bad decision for humankind. If you hunted and gathered you would "...work two days a week and have five-day weekends"(page 17). This sounds much easier than being a farmer since the farmer's work "is less productive when measured by the amount of food produced per hour of labor"(page 17). Farmers had higher risks of diseases and infections than the hunters and gatherers. The author shows that when the hunters and gatherers started harvesting and designing their own food, diseases, and infections appeared more frequently. These diseases were seen rarely in hunters and gatherers. They were caused by vitamin deficiency (rickets, scurvy, anemia, leprosy, etc). According to the author, the "Bushmen eat around seventy-five different types of wild plants"(page 17) while the farmers were only having "... a few staple crops"(page 17). The author shows that while the humans are farming, the bushmen are treating themselves with a well-balanced diet that helps fight off diseases and infections. Overtime food domestication has been an unnatural and possibly life threatening task completed almost entirely by humans.
Since the creation of farming, people have constantly been split into different social groups. The social groups based around the origin of farming were very closely related to food and wealth. The more food you had, the more wealth and power you acquired. Food could be used as money. Farmers used food in many situations but it worked as well as cash does today. The higher-ranked citizens that owned land could rent land out to farmers. It could be "rented to farmers in return for a share of their harvest"(page 50). The author states that "competition for agricultural land led to warfare between communities in areas where land was environmentally circumscribed"(page 43). The author shows how the shortage of fertile land can direct farmers to certain places to get their food. For example, in Peru, "Seventy-eight Rivers run from the Andes Mountains to the coast through fifty miles of extremely dry desert"(page 43). With the limitations given agriculture is only possible near the riverbanks. Everywhere else, the land is all very dry deserts.
Importing and exporting spices has not always been a simple task. Spices used to be expensive and had many different stories backing their prices. For example, cinnamon's stories involved being attacked by bats and baiting birds with dead oxen. The spices were sold along the Silk Road and three cities located in India (Barygaza, Barbarikon, and Welcynda). On the Silk Road spices were sold and exchanged with many different things such as "New inventions, languages, artistic styles, social customs, and religious beliefs, as well as physical goods"(page 75). Each of the cities in India had its own specialty. For example, Barygaza specialized in "long pepper, ivory, silk, and a local form of myrrh"(page 70). Boats from Alexandria came to all three of these cities to buy the high price spices. Romans paid for spices with "fered wine, copper, tin, lead, glass, and red coral...But mostly the Roman traders had to pay for spices with gold and silver"(page 71). The author talks about spices "motivating European explorers to seek direct access to the Indies"(page 67). The quest for spices led to the discovering of the Americas by mistake.
As wood prices shot up more farms sprung up in Britain. Wood prices shot up because "areas that had previously provided firewood were cleared to make way for farming"(page 131). Once Britain made the switch from wood to coal the first steam engine was invented. The steam-powered engine was used to pump water out of the coalmines. The steam engine was "very inefficient...they were powered by coal...in a coal mine the fuel was, in effect, free"(page 133). James Watt's steam engine design "completed in 1775, was much more efficient, and was also better suited to driving machinery"(page 133). This steam engine design led to a steam powered "mule" or cotton spinner that created yarn. All of the goods Britain created during their Industrial Revolution were traded for food. They were mainly traded for sugar but the goods could also get exotic fruits such as a pineapple for King Charles II. The pineapple was a sign of power in Britain because nobody there had seen one before. The king "cut the fruit up himself and offered pieces of it from his own plate"(page 108).
Food is the most powerful weapon "in the history of warfare"(page 145). The control of food supply can determine the success of an army. In the fourth century B.C. Alexander the Great created "the fastest, lightest, and most agile force of its day"(page 146). He created an army that used "Families, servants, and other followers, who sometimes equaled the soldiers in number"(page 146). This meant fewer pack animals, less pack animals means less fodder. Alexander's mastery of logistics "enabled him to mount one of the longest and most successful military campaigns in history"(page 146). Another instance of food controlling warfare would be during the Revolutionary War. The British had a clear advantage because they were "the greatest military and naval power of its day"(page 148). Nevertheless, it makes supplying an army of thousands harder when they are "some three thousand miles away"(page 149). Most of Britain's soldiers "lacked experience in foraging"(page 150) so all of Britain's food was coming from ships which clearly is not the most brilliant option. Food was also involved in the fight over Berlin. The Soviets began "interfering with the delivery of food and other supplies to the city, interrupting road, rail, and barge traffic"(page 172). Berlin had "enough food for thirty-six days, and enough coal for forty-five days"(page 173).The highest ranked military officer in Germany "proposed his plan for an armed road convoy"(page 173) but was overturned twice. An alternate method was suggested and that was to fly over the blockade. Food was delivered to Berlin "for fifteen months, during which some 2.3 million tons of supplies were delivered in more than 275,000 flights"(page 176). This all shows that when food is present the army with food is usually victorious.


Cool essay, brah
________ A
________C
________E
________!
#38
Quote by br33dlove
Nice quote, sis.


Nice sarcasm, ma.
________ A
________C
________E
________!
#39
Your referencing is sub-par, you should also include the author and year of publication for your source document (Neopowell, 2010, p.1)
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#40
Quote by fancypants1
I dont think you know the difference between a passive sentence and an active sentence

Quote by fancypants1
Passive two verbs Active one verb


I've done my research




Oh dear...

DON'T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU!


___________________________________________________


TURN OFF YOUR MIND RELAX AND FLOAT DOWNSTREAM

Quote by Scumbag1792
My God, this must be the smartest/greatest guy ever.
Page 1 of 2