#1
I was alone in the soiled brush
waiting to bleed my guts out of my big, fat face.
Rubbing my skin against the roughest husks,
so tepid and fucking dull,
God, can I puke into my own skull?

Chaos reigns.
Girls spend most of their time discovering bruises on their
bodies and wondering where they came from.
Boys discover scars on their hands and wonder
what good times led to them.
Poor advice.
#2
I was alone in the soiled thorned brush
waiting to bleed my guts out of my big, fat face.
Rubbing my skin against the roughest husks,
so tepid and ****ing dull,
God, can I puke into my own skull? God, what now has cracked my own skull?

Chaos reigns.
Girls spend most of their time discovering bruises on their
bodies and wondering where they came from.
Boys discover scars on their hands and wonder
what good times led to them.
Well the last two lines where probably the best two so far

This whole thing doesn't fit anything. It's just random chaos (which is probably what you were going for?) Even so there is no good imagry, and I don't really know anyone who can really understand anything in here. In my opinion, scratch the whole thing and try to work on poems that are a little bit cheerier (Even though I can tell your musical genre is not all that cheery, but having cheery words makes it sounds cool and a little bit different than everyone else's.) Keep on Writing
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#3
Please do not add words and phrases to my writing as an attempt to critique. Can't explain why, but that infuriated me beyond belief.

Otherwise, thanks (I guess) for the comments. I know what I'm doing.
Poor advice.
#4
Quote by stellar_legs
Please do not add words and phrases to my writing as an attempt to critique. Can't explain why, but that infuriated me beyond belief.

Otherwise, thanks (I guess) for the comments. I know what I'm doing.

Sorry man, I actually do it mainly just for fun. But if you don't want me to I won't. You know what you like, it's your work
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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