#1
There's a painter on the green
Painting all of the beautiful things,
While golfers rant and raive,
But the painter still paints on.

As the brilliant summer sun shines
On the luscious green grass,
There's flurring leaves on the ground
In the soft humming breeze.

The rolling hill under a snowy white blanket
Covered with visions of snow angels,
Now flowers are bursting forth
Across pond tops and green plains

All by a painter
On the Golfer's Green


c4c, just leave a link and I will give my best critique on my next chance
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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Last edited by 24WildRovers at Aug 12, 2010,
#2
This is great, I honestly can't make any suggestions, because I wouldn't change it a bit. Don't feel like you have to crit one of mine or anything (this isn't really a crit), I just really liked it and wanted to share this with you.
#3
Quote by Ramblin'_Man
This is great, I honestly can't make any suggestions, because I wouldn't change it a bit. Don't feel like you have to crit one of mine or anything (this isn't really a crit), I just really liked it and wanted to share this with you.

Well I thank you greatly for the comment. I actually wrote this piece (and another I haven't posted yet,) while waiting for the college grounds to open for the day.
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#4
I don't like this. I feel like you're not saying anything, or that it's just a description without any grit.
#5
Quote by hippieboy444
I don't like this. I feel like you're not saying anything, or that it's just a description without any grit.

Well it's basically pointless imagry. I am slowly trying to work on that. But I actually kind of like it because it is so pointless. Though you're right, lyrical geniuses don't banter about pointless chaos, they perfectly describe great discussions, and I think that is my next area I am going to work on. Thanks
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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#6
Finally!!!! Someone out there who doesnt have something important to say or to whine about. You must be the painter! because this song was drawn out in my brain as i was reading it,,very well described. I wish i could crit on it but i can't,,its pointless, it would be useless, it's perfect!
#7
Quote by brandon muir
Finally!!!! Someone out there who doesnt have something important to say or to whine about. You must be the painter! because this song was drawn out in my brain as i was reading it,,very well described. I wish i could crit on it but i can't,,its pointless, it would be useless, it's perfect!

Thanks man, glad to hear someone else likes it
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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