#1
CRIT4CRIT

This is more of a Porcupine Tree, Pain of Salvation type song.

Feeling Strong


I'm blind no leg to stand on
The gap from what I needed
Was just a little too long
I couldn't reach anymore

Can't leave these chains
Maybe I like the pain
I'll be holding it
Inside my heart
Until what I was
Falls apart

Not enough things to break
Can't get enough of it
Take it back and lose your hate
Just leave it behind us now

Can't leave these chains
Maybe we cause the pain
I'll be holding it
Inside my heart
Until what we were
Falls apart

I don't have anything now
Maybe I never did
I just want someone, something
Somehow

Can't leave these chains
Maybe you cause the pain
I'll be holding it
Inside my heart
Until what I am
Falls apart
#2
I have never written lyrics myself, but I am a poethry and lyrics fan (I have read all Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Extremoduro and Guns n Roses lyrics) so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

I do not quite like it. "I", "it" is too consistant. I think it is called aliteration. And it would be OK if it were more balanced, but its kind of just thrown in there, if you get what I am saying.

And I do not really get the lyrics, the meaning. Maybe it is just me, but it does sound to me like you didnt have the idea all clear yourself, because it shifts a lot between some main ideas that are not expressed clearly enough (wouldnt be a problem if it were QOTSA lyrics though... but that needs some practice too)
#3
Fair enough, the meaning is someone who is trying to get a lovers affection. The person always gives her/him the benefit of the doubt and keeping the feelings of being mistreated inside rather telling the person. The reason I used "I" a lot is because it seems to have more of an overall effect when it's told from that point of view.
#4
sounds to me like you kinda like the pain,,and dont want to let go, as a reminder of what was or could have been,,,but thats just my opinion,usually im good at deciphering lyrics, but the simplicity of this throws me off, maybe theres something im not seeing here...let me know
#5
hmm, this is good, but no incredible :P i really like it, but its too... i dont even know, im guessing simple would be the word i'm looking for.
don't get me wrong, i like it, its just... idk.
although what i love about this piece is that i can relate to it very, very well. it almost seems like something i would write for this i like it.
i give it, a 6/10
good stuff
C4C?
#6
hmm... i like it! and somehow i dont agree with the rest:P i dont know if its simple but if it is then i like it more the 2nd stanza was really good i liked how you changed a few words in there as the song progresses. overall its good so good job!! keep on writing
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.