#1
he doesn't sit, he runs
he doesn't always wait too long
he doesn't put off the important things
and always ready
he's not caught off guard
by a life which he often disagrees with
he can change it
he can filter the substance
which will fill the framework of his future
he understands it all
and can see it for what it is
he knows it can't just be an empty mold
used to shape an existence
that doesn't fit

i want to be him
myself somewhere else
somewhere far away from here

everything is polarizing
there's who i want to be, here's all that's in between
so what will become of me?

he knows things change
he knows he'll get better, one day
he sees a better life, not too far away
he's known for a long time
that he'll never be alone
that he'll find himself in a life
where someone that needs hope will say

i want to be him
i want to see myself somewhere else
where there's more than just a broken world
We're only strays.
#2
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
he doesn't sit, he runs
he doesn't always wait too long
he doesn't put off the important things
and always ready <-this line seems just thrown in
he's not caught off guard
by a life which he often disagrees with
he can change it
he can filter the substance
which will fill the framework of his future
he understands it all
and can see it for what it is
he knows it can't just be an empty mold
used to shape an existence
that doesn't fit <-the rest of the verse in phenominal!

i want to be him <-this verse is solid, it's not bad, but doesn't grab me
myself somewhere else like the first verse
somewhere far away from here

everything is polarizing
there's who i want to be, here's all that's in between
so what will become of me?

he knows things change
he knows he'll get better, one day
he sees a better life, not too far away
he's known for a long time
that he'll never be alone <- I like this verse, it's simple, positive
that he'll find himself in a life and very relatable
where someone that needs hope will say

i want to be him <-after seeing this here, again, I like it a lot more
i want to see myself somewhere else
where there's more than just a broken world



This is a good piece, I enjoyed reading it. The content is very good. I think the very beginning could use some work(imo), but there's nothing that bad. Keep up the good work. Please crit one of mine when you have time.