#1
Was walking my dog the other night, and I noticed there were no stars out, and these lyrics started popping into my head. This is all I got so far. what do ya'll think? C4C

Where have the stars gone?
Did you take those too when you left?
Nothing to wish upon.
Course what is left to wish for?

Where have the cars gone?
The roads never seemed so lonesome.
Since yours left the driveway,
All the cars look the same.

Where have the bars gone?
I need somewhere to finally say "goodbye"
To the life I led before with you.
But nowhere seems to sell that anymore.

Where have my dreams gone?
All I seem to do is lay awake.
Thoughts of you saying "Goodbye"
And me standing speechless in the doorway.

Where have you gone?
When you and him left together.
You said the spark had been long gone.
But that spark has burned my heart to ashes.
MIM Tele
Fender Blues Jr NOS
Schecter Omen 6
Squier Strat
Greg Bennett Acoustic
other crap...
If seeing is believing...

...Then believe that we have lost our eyes!!
Last edited by Clutch32192 at Aug 13, 2010,
#3
Nicely done. I like the repitition of "Where have _____ gone", really sets the tone of the piece and your state of mind, hypothetically of course. Obviously, what is left after the only person you love is gone?

When you and him left together?

This is the only line I guess I didn't really like. I know most songs and writings have them leaving for another man, but it'd be nice to see something different.

Where have the bars gone?
I need somewhere to finally say "goodbye"
To the life I led before with you.
But nowhere seems to sell that anymore.


This was certainly my favorite stanza. Like swarley said, it was a simple concept that you did do very well.
#4
wow, i love this piece i can really relate to this kind of thing, it just seems like you dont want to let go. thats a good thing though, i really like it. i like how you kept asking questions as though the reader was a third party watching the events of this lyric unfold.
its great, keep up the good work.
8.5/10
C4C?
#5
Quote by Partyboy2k05
Nicely done. I like the repitition of "Where have _____ gone", really sets the tone of the piece and your state of mind, hypothetically of course. Obviously, what is left after the only person you love is gone?

When you and him left together?

This is the only line I guess I didn't really like. I know most songs and writings have them leaving for another man, but it'd be nice to see something different.

Where have the bars gone?
I need somewhere to finally say "goodbye"
To the life I led before with you.
But nowhere seems to sell that anymore.


This was certainly my favorite stanza. Like swarley said, it was a simple concept that you did do very well.

Thanks man. Ya, I was rolling really good with the lyrics till the last stanza. I plan on redoing that one a little different. Oh, and there shouldn't be a question mark on "When you and him left together."...my bad.

Quote by Caboose911
wow, i love this piece i can really relate to this kind of thing, it just seems like you dont want to let go. thats a good thing though, i really like it. i like how you kept asking questions as though the reader was a third party watching the events of this lyric unfold.
its great, keep up the good work.
8.5/10
C4C?

Thanks Caboose! Ya I'll crit your work
MIM Tele
Fender Blues Jr NOS
Schecter Omen 6
Squier Strat
Greg Bennett Acoustic
other crap...
If seeing is believing...

...Then believe that we have lost our eyes!!
#6
I really like it dude - I think you handled your topic in a way that didn't feel cliched or recycled and came across as heartfelt. Writing on heartbreak/being left or whatever is a pretty well worn theme but I didn't feel like I had read this one before.

Where have the bars gone?
I need somewhere to finally say "goodbye"
To the life I led before with you.
But nowhere seems to sell that anymore.


I agree with whoever mentioned this stanza as their favourite. It's just really well written and brilliantly downbeat. The first three stanzas are really well put together - I really felt the vibe you were conveying. Overall, very nice work

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1350183
Quote by Kozlic
Music doesnt need to be quality to be good.


Press eject, give me the tape, if you know what's good for you
#7
I really like it. It's a theme many people can relate to whether it be someone they love dying, your partner leaving you for someone else, or as simple as a child loosing a doll on the playground haha. Very well written
#8
Quote by Forkman
I really like it dude - I think you handled your topic in a way that didn't feel cliched or recycled and came across as heartfelt. Writing on heartbreak/being left or whatever is a pretty well worn theme but I didn't feel like I had read this one before.


I agree with whoever mentioned this stanza as their favourite. It's just really well written and brilliantly downbeat. The first three stanzas are really well put together - I really felt the vibe you were conveying. Overall, very nice work

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1350183

Thx. I glad everyone likes that stanza, because I also felt really good about it, when I wrote it

Just crited it. good job

Quote by guitarchick678
I really like it. It's a theme many people can relate to whether it be someone they love dying, your partner leaving you for someone else, or as simple as a child loosing a doll on the playground haha. Very well written

Thx also.
MIM Tele
Fender Blues Jr NOS
Schecter Omen 6
Squier Strat
Greg Bennett Acoustic
other crap...
If seeing is believing...

...Then believe that we have lost our eyes!!
#9
Its very well written and composed, lacks a bit of a flow I think.

I would really like to hear this recorded.